Author Topic: Need help from confession pros  (Read 593 times)

Offline TandJ

  • Mary Garden
  • Vizekorporal
  • **
  • Posts: 145
  • Thanked: 76 times
Need help from confession pros
« on: March 28, 2021, 05:39:42 PM »
Alright Iím preparing to make my Easter confession after several months and need a little advice from people who have been Catholic longer than myself. I could ask the priest but I pity the poor people behind me in line and donít want to take a long time and have them miss the opportunity. I promise Iím being genuine and not trying to ďscrupe outĒ. Even something as simple as a yes or no is helpful:)

1) is it ok to do this? Say a person for example calls someone dumb twice verbally and then writes it also twice can they just confess ďI called someone dumb four timesĒ. Or must one separate I wrote someone was dumb and verbally called them dumb etc...

2) how would a person number a sin of say disagreeing with something in the catechism. Would it be the length of time or actual advertence to the thing and disagreement in ones head?

3) what if one priest says something is a sin (for example children wearing shorts) and another priest says itís not? If a person confesses something the priest doesnít think is a sin are you forgiven?

4) itís not invalidating to the confession to blurt out the reason you donít want to be friends with someone is because they are a satanist when the only proof I had of that was they liked the satanic Bible on Facebook but in reality you know they are probably agnostic or something...likewise a long time ago I played video games that were demonic and the character sacrificed to evil gods, and I recently confessed this and just said ďdemonic gamesĒ the priest judged it was venial and so I didnít mention the part where my character sacrificed to other gods because I in good faith thought it would also be venial and wouldnít add any gravity. Now I doubt that I made the confession badly even though I genuinely thought I was doing right at the time. What do you professionals think? ;)

5) so I might have mentioned before I didnít know how to properly make a confession for years after my baptism. And I pretty sure I botched a lot of them and learning has been very slow... so when I finally found out that you were supposed to mention ďkind and numberĒ I was in the habit to exaggerate the number to be safe because I didnít know any better and often if I felt guilty about something I would assume that it was my conscience telling me Iíve sinned and would confess it as a certain sin and not as doubtful. Well, after awhile I learned that this is actually a bad thing to do because it deceives the priest... I have mentioned this to a priest and he only said that ďIím sure you didnít do this on purposeĒ and changed the subject? So I guess my confessions were not invalid?


Again, thank you for any advice and Iím trying to get as much sorted out before the confession because I donít want to make the poor people behind me wait unduly long. Please bear with me as I try to form my conscience as I was extremely poorly catechized by RCIA when I entered the Church (letís just say the director told us you can baptize with a can of Coke).
« Last Edit: March 28, 2021, 06:07:01 PM by TandJ »
 

Offline Kaesekopf

  • Enkindle in us the virtues of humility and patience So we too may obediently do your will faithfully.
  • Oberst
  • Major
  • *****
  • Posts: 20817
  • Thanked: 6807 times
    • Suscipe Domine
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2021, 11:48:44 PM »
1) is it ok to do this? Say a person for example calls someone dumb twice verbally and then writes it also twice can they just confess ďI called someone dumb four timesĒ. Or must one separate I wrote someone was dumb and verbally called them dumb etc...

2) how would a person number a sin of say disagreeing with something in the catechism. Would it be the length of time or actual advertence to the thing and disagreement in ones head?

3) what if one priest says something is a sin (for example children wearing shorts) and another priest says itís not? If a person confesses something the priest doesnít think is a sin are you forgiven?

4) itís not invalidating to the confession to blurt out the reason you donít want to be friends with someone is because they are a satanist when the only proof I had of that was they liked the satanic Bible on Facebook but in reality you know they are probably agnostic or something...likewise a long time ago I played video games that were demonic and the character sacrificed to evil gods, and I recently confessed this and just said ďdemonic gamesĒ the priest judged it was venial and so I didnít mention the part where my character sacrificed to other gods because I in good faith thought it would also be venial and wouldnít add any gravity. Now I doubt that I made the confession badly even though I genuinely thought I was doing right at the time. What do you professionals think? ;)

5) so I might have mentioned before I didnít know how to properly make a confession for years after my baptism. And I pretty sure I botched a lot of them and learning has been very slow... so when I finally found out that you were supposed to mention ďkind and numberĒ I was in the habit to exaggerate the number to be safe because I didnít know any better and often if I felt guilty about something I would assume that it was my conscience telling me Iíve sinned and would confess it as a certain sin and not as doubtful. Well, after awhile I learned that this is actually a bad thing to do because it deceives the priest... I have mentioned this to a priest and he only said that ďIím sure you didnít do this on purposeĒ and changed the subject? So I guess my confessions were not invalid?

1)   Saying you called someone dumb is sufficient. 

2)  I wouldn't confess this unless you knew it was wrong and held to that opinion.  If, for example, you were simply ignorant of something, but upon learning you disagreed with the catechism, but molded your opinion to that of the Church's, I wouldn't confess that ignorance.

3)  Go with what the Church teaches and what "sounds" more-right.  If the priest doesn't think something is a sin, he's still giving you absolution. 

4)  I think saying why you aren't friends with someone is more than is needed.  To play the video game, I'm not sure.  It's clearly virtual, but I would avoid playing them again in the future.  Interesting question, though. 

5)  I would say your confessions weren't invalid.  Trust the (good) priest!  :)  (And try to only confess to 'good' priests that you're aware of!)
Wie dein Sonntag, so dein Sterbetag.

I am not altogether on anybody's side, because nobody is altogether on my side.  ~Treebeard, LOTR

Jesus son of David, have mercy on me.
 
The following users thanked this post: TandJ, Melkor

Offline TandJ

  • Mary Garden
  • Vizekorporal
  • **
  • Posts: 145
  • Thanked: 76 times
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2021, 10:20:12 AM »
Thanks Kaesekopf :)
 

Offline Miriam_M

  • Mary Garden
  • Hauptmann
  • ****
  • Posts: 7437
  • Thanked: 5665 times
  • Never have been "MiriamB"
  • Religion: Traditional Roman Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2021, 11:07:49 AM »
What K said, but also...

As we make more confessions and try to make them more honest, humble, and fervent (with the help of regular prayer and frequent Examens), we grow to recognize our sins more clearly -- focusing on the ones that most limit our growth in virtue.  In that process we may uncover past sins that at the time we didn't think were sins, or that we trivialized "because" they were "only" internal and we didn't act on them, etc.  But we don't confess those in the present time as sins just because previously we were spiritually blind or ignorant.  We take that new knowledge and apply it to the present and future.

Expressing sorrow for any past, true transgressions and failings can be part of the grace of Lent, especially Holy Week!  And we should bring that new knowledge to prayer this week -- prayer of gratitude for our eyes being opened, prayer of humility for the self-knowledge.
 
The following users thanked this post: Melkor

Online Melkor

  • Korporal
  • **
  • Posts: 270
  • Thanked: 194 times
  • Religion: Roman Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2021, 11:44:45 AM »
Well, having been to Confession probably too many times, I can consider myself an expert. ;D

1. Well it is a venial sin, so I wouldn't even confess it. I would say a perfect act of contrition, or at Mass say the Confiteor with the servers. If you really want to confess it, I would say something like "I was unkind to my neighbor(s) x amount of times.' The priest will likely understand it is trivial, or he may ask for specifics.

2. Like @Kaesekopf said, if you didn't agree with something without knowing it, no biggie. If you were in willful denial of a doctrine than that is a serious matter; confess it.

3. Yes.

4. Yes, past confessions that you genuinely were trying to make well are valid.

5. You do not need to confess venial sins in confession. As for mortal ones, yes number them as best as you can. If you go over that's not a problem, rather if you are not sure of the exact number it is a safe bet to go a bit over (helps humility too).

Nice to see someone considerate for the people behind them, that is a lost art in my parish. Like seriously people, tell your sins, listen to what Padre has to say, say a good act of contrition, get out! Oh well.
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost.

"Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer's day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented."

G.K. Chesterton
 

Offline TandJ

  • Mary Garden
  • Vizekorporal
  • **
  • Posts: 145
  • Thanked: 76 times
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2021, 12:06:48 PM »
Melkor, the reason about number 1 was I had been doing this for basically all my confessions thatís why I asked it it even mattered if the sin is committed vocally or written. Because technically you can tell someone you called them a dummy even if it was by text or something

And the thing I disagreed with was the part where the Catechism says we worship the same God as Muslims. I donít want to be a heretic for these thoughts against this passage and that was basically my worry. As long as Iím still in good standing with the Church because of doubt regarding this issue Iím good
« Last Edit: March 30, 2021, 12:11:50 PM by TandJ »
 

Online Melkor

  • Korporal
  • **
  • Posts: 270
  • Thanked: 194 times
  • Religion: Roman Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2021, 12:25:31 PM »
Same diff then. I misunderstood #1 guess.

The Muslims do not believe in the Trinity, they may worship the same God but they don't worship Him in the way He intends. I can see your confusion regarding this though, I myself am finding it strange. What Catechism was this?
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost.

"Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer's day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented."

G.K. Chesterton
 

Offline TandJ

  • Mary Garden
  • Vizekorporal
  • **
  • Posts: 145
  • Thanked: 76 times
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2021, 12:33:37 PM »
Catechism of the Catholic Church 1992
 
The following users thanked this post: Melkor

Online Melkor

  • Korporal
  • **
  • Posts: 270
  • Thanked: 194 times
  • Religion: Roman Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2021, 12:51:36 PM »
Considering this catechism was authorized by a Pope who kissed the Quran, I wouldn't really go by anything in it. Baltimore Catechism and Council of Trent Catechism would be the way to go.   

Edit: not saying it's all heresy but I would be skeptical about it at best. Also Catechism of St. Pius X. Very good.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2021, 12:58:24 PM by Melkor »
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost.

"Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer's day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented."

G.K. Chesterton
 

Offline Miriam_M

  • Mary Garden
  • Hauptmann
  • ****
  • Posts: 7437
  • Thanked: 5665 times
  • Never have been "MiriamB"
  • Religion: Traditional Roman Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2021, 12:39:45 PM »
Nice to see someone considerate for the people behind them, that is a lost art in my parish. Like seriously people, tell your sins, listen to what Padre has to say, say a good act of contrition, get out! Oh well.

I'm sorry, brother, but I need to correct you on this.  Very many people make far too many assumptions about how long any particular penitent is spending in the confessional and why. (We would know the reasons how?)  We don't know; that's the point.

Here are some reasons people spend more than 120 seconds in the confessional:

1.The priest is speaking too softly, or vice-versa:  He's asking us to repeat what we said, or we are asking him. Related to this, the penitent or the priest has a thick accent, and hence everything needs to be said twice by at least one party.

2.The priest himself needs considerable clarification because the sin was ambiguously stated or for some other reason needs more clarification, so that he can form a judgment.  That is his solemn duty, Melkor:  to render judgment in persona Christi. Whether that takes him an extra 2 minutes or an extra 5 minutes is none of my or your concern. And if we're standing in the confession line making assumptions about why certain people are spending "too long" for our needs, we risk committing at least a venial sin against charity and justice.

I was in the confessional recently, and I was surprised that the priest began asking me questions about the first sin I mentioned.  Thankfully, the kinds of questions he asked, as well as his admonishment and prescription, revealed to me that the sin was far more serious than I had thought. Therefore, his questions had a salutary effect on my soul because they enlightened my intellect and promoted much more true contrition in me.

The confessional is not a drive-thru laundromat; it's an encounter with divine mercy, and the effects of the sacrament are many,
 
The following users thanked this post: Melkor

Online Melkor

  • Korporal
  • **
  • Posts: 270
  • Thanked: 194 times
  • Religion: Roman Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2021, 12:48:42 PM »
Yer right. Correction noted, thanks.
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost.

"Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer's day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented."

G.K. Chesterton
 
The following users thanked this post: Miriam_M

Offline Elizabeth.2

  • Korporal
  • **
  • Posts: 409
  • Thanked: 366 times
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2021, 11:26:39 AM »
Hi Sinners,
Just had a scruple attack, ran to the local parish (with bona fide Confessors) and they were in the middle of a funeral.  Even though last night I received a signal grace - so, I'm taking this as a sign that I'm not in Deep Yogurt.
The madness of it all.
 :violin:
 

Offline james03

  • Hauptmann
  • ****
  • Posts: 9876
  • Thanked: 4327 times
  • The Brutal Clarity of a Winter Morning
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2021, 12:26:24 PM »
Quote
Nice to see someone considerate for the people behind them, that is a lost art in my parish. Like seriously people, tell your sins, listen to what Padre has to say, say a good act of contrition, get out! Oh well.

Yeah, especially at Trad places where getting to confession is difficult.  A horrible temptation for me.  "What, is that person an axe murderer?  Give me a break."

Or chatting with Father: "So, how was your vacation?".  Latina women as a general rule will be in there for 20 minutes.  I imagine it something like a Latino soap opera in there.  She's impertinent and stubborn.  they argue.  They fight.  Eventually she breaks and confesses falling to the ground and crying for 5 minutes.

Like I said, a horrible temptation for me while standing in line.

Basically if you have something complex, schedule an appointment.  Maybe you were away from the Church for 10 years and had 2 abortions.  Make an appointment on that one.
"But he that doth not believe, is already judged: because he believeth not in the name of the only begotten Son of God (Jn 3:18)."

"All sorrow leads to the foot of the Cross.  Weep for your sins."

"Although He should kill me, I will trust in Him"
 
The following users thanked this post: Melkor

Offline james03

  • Hauptmann
  • ****
  • Posts: 9876
  • Thanked: 4327 times
  • The Brutal Clarity of a Winter Morning
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #13 on: April 09, 2021, 12:29:00 PM »
On the OP, if you don't have an exact count, say, "I don't recall the exact number, but it is around .... times that I ....  If Father wants more, he'll ask.  Otherwise you are good.  Remember, there are 2 people in the confessional and its up to Father on the level of info he needs.  Just don't INTENTIONALLY deceive him.
"But he that doth not believe, is already judged: because he believeth not in the name of the only begotten Son of God (Jn 3:18)."

"All sorrow leads to the foot of the Cross.  Weep for your sins."

"Although He should kill me, I will trust in Him"
 
The following users thanked this post: Melkor

Offline TandJ

  • Mary Garden
  • Vizekorporal
  • **
  • Posts: 145
  • Thanked: 76 times
Re: Need help from confession pros
« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2021, 12:29:16 PM »
Yeah I still havenít gone to confession. Itís been months but Iím going through apathy about it because I just canít bring myself to go through the emotions of it all. The whole process of examination and remembering and rehearsing and discerning grave from not (and Iím one of the unlucky few who canít tell mortal from venial) causes such a huge amount of stress to me. Then discovering that I unintentionally accused myself of the wrong kind of sin (used the wrong word
for it having to do with purity) in my last confession and having to re-explain it again.... I just canít do it. I canít get free from these sins. Iím now being pushed against a wall because I know I have to make my confession and receive communion to fulfill the precept but I canít


I had always thought you confess impure thoughts as impure thoughts? But then what if they happen during legitimate times such as the marital act? Does that change the gravity? Or would they still be confessed as impure thoughts? But say a person is confused about all these scenarios and just accuses themselves of ďpollutionĒ and then realizes thatís not the correct term do they correct this?

 Some things Iíve read say not to say what the thoughts are about because it doesnít matter or change the species (prummer for example) but some priests have said to explain the impure thoughts.
« Last Edit: April 09, 2021, 12:40:54 PM by TandJ »