Author Topic: being a trad in a liberal family  (Read 610 times)

Offline Traditionallyruralmom

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being a trad in a liberal family
« on: February 05, 2019, 10:32:18 PM »
Hubs and I are the only Christians in our extended family.  I have a cousin who goes to church, but they are a church that preaches gay marriage, anti trump, liberal silliness.  I don't have much contact with the rest of my cousins, they are all off, childless, doing their own thing all over the country.  My aunts and uncles are all very liberal.  The ones I can manage to be friends with on FB like all my photos of my children...but I can just imagine what they really think of me, and how I am "brainwashing" my children....I do my best to be charitable and kind, but sometimes I just want to bang my head against a wall.  My kids have 2 aunts, that's all (we are both from 2 child families)  One is far away, and the other near by.  I see on FB how much the near by aunt loves and spends time with her siblings kids.  My kids barely know her. We would not let them stay at our home and sleep in the same room when they were shacking up, and I am guessing that made them decide we were extremists.  Grandma's are all Obama loving boomers who are more concerned with a future that is fair for illegal immigrants and transgender people than their own grandchildren being raised with common sense values.  I hope to be the grandma in the bun and the skirt that sits on the rocking chair (with her shotgun of course) and acts like a real old fashioned grandma...
Just venting here, im sure there are plenty of other Gen X Catholics who feel like the odd bean in the family pod....We have nothing in common with our blood relations except a common desire for kindness and blood :(

Our close "family" is more the other Catholics that we have been homeschooling and going to Mass with for the last 17 years.  I am so thankful for them!



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Offline Maximilian

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2019, 11:00:49 PM »

Just venting here,

Feel free to vent. This description more or less fits many of the people here on SD, I'm sure.

I've given up thinking that there might be some wonderful advice that's going to magically make everything better. It's not like everything would be different and better if only you said something in a more tactful way. The reality is that between you and those people there is a "great gulf which no one can pass over." You and they are fundamentally at odds about the most important things in life, and no amount of politeness can paper over those differences. It's sad, tragic even sometimes, but unavoidable.

Offline Traditionallyruralmom

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2019, 12:06:15 AM »

Just venting here,

Feel free to vent. This description more or less fits many of the people here on SD, I'm sure.

I've given up thinking that there might be some wonderful advice that's going to magically make everything better. It's not like everything would be different and better if only you said something in a more tactful way. The reality is that between you and those people there is a "great gulf which no one can pass over." You and they are fundamentally at odds about the most important things in life, and no amount of politeness can paper over those differences. It's sad, tragic even sometimes, but unavoidable.

yep....
nothing is going to make it better...just good to hear the trad Catholic "me too"  ;)
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Offline Lynne

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2019, 07:20:09 AM »
One of my rosary intentions is for the conversion of all my family, especially my husband and my daughter. Not much will change on this side of the veil unfortunately.

Oh, and not to play "one-upsmanship" but at least you and your husband share the faith.  :grouphug:

My husband likes to read Graham Green novels. I'd love to get him to read some Chesterton.  ::)
 
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Offline Heinrich

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2019, 06:44:23 PM »
Grandma's are all Obama loving boomers who are more concerned with a future that is fair for illegal immigrants and transgender people than their own grandchildren being raised with common sense values. 

>>Every time one uses an apostrophe to form a plural, a puppy dies<<

In regards to your concerns, I've dealt with ferocious tirades at the deaths of my parents from family members.
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"Bear in mind that the more the enemy assaults you, God is closer to your soul." --St. Padre Pio
 
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Offline Traditionallyruralmom

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2019, 08:02:48 PM »
Grandma's are all Obama loving boomers who are more concerned with a future that is fair for illegal immigrants and transgender people than their own grandchildren being raised with common sense values. 

>>Every time one uses an apostrophe to form a plural, a puppy dies<<
oops...and somehow, I manage to lean my kids some English  when I home teach :cheeseheadbeer:
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Offline Josephine87

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2019, 10:55:57 PM »
My family is not Catholic either.  I'm a convert from a very areligious family.  Thankfully my parents are at least rather conservative and common-sense in most ways, other than religion!  I'm sorry for you though.  We all know some form of loneliness when it comes to either spouses, children, family or friends who don't share the faith.  What's keeps me up at night is asking God that my parents please get to Heaven. 
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Offline John Lamb

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2019, 09:41:32 AM »
 I agree with Maximilian that your divergent ways of life are simply irreconcilable and that there is nothing that can possibly overcome this, not without you compromising your faith to some extent and offending God. But Our Lord refers to this in the Gospel in numerous places where He speaks of fidelity to Him and to God being higher and prior to fidelity to family relations.

That said, Jacob and Esau though brothers were mortal enemies later in life, and yet when they met Jacob presented him with gifts and Esau hugged him and wept. This shows that charity is always first and that our hearts shouldn't be cold towards our relatives or friends even if they are principally against us and contrary to our way of life. As important as it is to show your children an uncompromising faith and religion, it is also and perhaps more important to show them what charity means, or else they might grow up to think that Christians are hypocrites less charitable than others who don't preach a religion of charity.
As many as received him, he gave them power to be made the sons of God, to them that believe in his name. (John 1:12)
 
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Offline John Lamb

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #8 on: February 07, 2019, 09:46:19 AM »
One of my rosary intentions is for the conversion of all my family, especially my husband and my daughter. Not much will change on this side of the veil unfortunately.

Oh, and not to play "one-upsmanship" but at least you and your husband share the faith.  :grouphug:

My husband likes to read Graham Green novels. I'd love to get him to read some Chesterton.  ::)

You have the opportunity to show the highest degree of Christian faith and charity by remaining faithful to God without condemning or losing charity with the members of your own house.

"For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."
As many as received him, he gave them power to be made the sons of God, to them that believe in his name. (John 1:12)
 
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Offline Traditionallyruralmom

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #9 on: February 07, 2019, 10:18:12 AM »
As important as it is to show your children an uncompromising faith and religion, it is also and perhaps more important to show them what charity means, or else they might grow up to think that Christians are hypocrites less charitable than others who don't preach a religion of charity.
,

I think this was the fear when we converted, that we would shut them out.  We have not except by limiting some by not being "friends" on FB...otherwise, we visit often and try to keep involved.  It is always very kind and loving in person (with one side anyway), for that I am thankful.  Its just sad when I think about the kind of future they envision for the world, its all about peace and tolerance...yet they dont see how that does not hold true for this new world order toward Christians  :(  Loving David Hogg, and calling him a hero ::) while completely ignoring that their grandchildren have marched for 6 years in the MFL....but at least they dont say anything cutting to the children, they just smile and nod.  The other side is more strained, and there was some subversive behavior toward my children years ago that made us limit alone time with this relative, and that ticked her off.  But, thats not my problem.  She can still see them, but in our presence.  I had my oldest daughter come to me one too many times and tell me things that she was saying and doing...abortion should be a women's choice, various digs at home education and the Church.  We were called fundamentalist Catholics and informed that what the Holy Father (Frankie) was saying was not in line with how we were living our lives  ::)  We wear dresses in this house, and she stocked up her house with pants for the girls, which in itself is not huge, it was just the way she went about it, like she was going to liberate them or something.   She was having my children do spelling and math when they were at her house...because she was probably worried I was making them ignorant with home education. That too is not a huge deal, but it was done in a way that seemed critical. My daughter would come home and be miserable. I had no idea what she was going to do or say next.  And I don't have time for the drama!  Large family life is dramatic enough already  :)
« Last Edit: February 07, 2019, 10:30:58 AM by Traditionallyruralmom »
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Offline John Lamb

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #10 on: February 07, 2019, 11:03:50 AM »
As important as it is to show your children an uncompromising faith and religion, it is also and perhaps more important to show them what charity means, or else they might grow up to think that Christians are hypocrites less charitable than others who don't preach a religion of charity.
,

I think this was the fear when we converted, that we would shut them out.  We have not except by limiting some by not being "friends" on FB...otherwise, we visit often and try to keep involved.  It is always very kind and loving in person (with one side anyway), for that I am thankful.  Its just sad when I think about the kind of future they envision for the world, its all about peace and tolerance...yet they dont see how that does not hold true for this new world order toward Christians  :(  Loving David Hogg, and calling him a hero ::) while completely ignoring that their grandchildren have marched for 6 years in the MFL....but at least they dont say anything cutting to the children, they just smile and nod.  The other side is more strained, and there was some subversive behavior toward my children years ago that made us limit alone time with this relative, and that ticked her off.  But, thats not my problem.  She can still see them, but in our presence.  I had my oldest daughter come to me one too many times and tell me things that she was saying and doing...abortion should be a women's choice, various digs at home education and the Church.  We were called fundamentalist Catholics and informed that what the Holy Father (Frankie) was saying was not in line with how we were living our lives  ::)  We wear dresses in this house, and she stocked up her house with pants for the girls, which in itself is not huge, it was just the way she went about it, like she was going to liberate them or something.   She was having my children do spelling and math when they were at her house...because she was probably worried I was making them ignorant with home education. That too is not a huge deal, but it was done in a way that seemed critical. My daughter would come home and be miserable. I had no idea what she was going to do or say next.  And I don't have time for the drama!  Large family life is dramatic enough already  :)

Keep going. It doesn't matter what they think the world is or how things should be, it's God that's in charge of that not men, and in the end the faithful will be proven right.
As many as received him, he gave them power to be made the sons of God, to them that believe in his name. (John 1:12)
 
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Offline The Harlequin King

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #11 on: February 07, 2019, 11:24:02 AM »
There's not much you can do except pray. The Lord said, "Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man's foes shall be they of his own household." (Luke 12:49-53)

That being said, of course you shouldn't go out of your way to antagonize family members. It's also helpful to make sharp distinctions between disagreements of a fundamental nature (the truth of the faith, the immorality of abortion, etc.), and those which are more... discretionary (whether or not there should be a wall along the Mexican border).

My own family is actually rather conservative and one of my uncles is a retired general, but we don't talk about politics much with each other, even if we mostly agree. It's a southern WASP'y patrician thing.
 
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Offline Jacob

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #12 on: February 07, 2019, 11:58:55 AM »
My dad is one of ten born in the 50s and 60s.  His dad and mom were regular Mass-goers, dad was ardently pro-life and all.  But somewhere along the way things broke down and as far as I'm aware, I'm the only practicing Catholic among my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Thankfully none of them are militantly atheist or anything, though many are libs.  Some are just apathetic.  A lot have moved to protestant communities due to marriage.

The most contradictory of them all is my dad, who is a conservative politically and plays at being Catholic, but only goes to Mass as far as I know when visiting me.  I don't think he's been to confession once in all the time I've been alive.  I wish I could talk to him about things in depth, but the communication barriers between us prevent real conversations of substance.
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Offline Maximilian

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2019, 12:53:47 PM »

I wish I could talk to him about things in depth, but the communication barriers between us prevent real conversations of substance.

Yes, this is the most frustrating part.
 
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Offline Traditionallyruralmom

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Re: being a trad in a liberal family
« Reply #14 on: February 07, 2019, 05:52:52 PM »

I wish I could talk to him about things in depth, but the communication barriers between us prevent real conversations of substance.

Yes, this is the most frustrating part.
this is probably the saddest thing for us too.  There is very little chatting about deep matters, and if you go there, its just kind of sloffed of with a "life is hard"  or something of that nature.  Come on guys, Im not 18 anymore! :-[
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