Advice From Older Parents

[Anthony]

Hello all,

I have a daughter who is about 4 years of age. For you older parents out there who have "been there and done that" or have many children etc, I am looking for some advice that you can pass on to younger parents with younger children. Any advice on spiritual things or how to mentally toughen my child or any thing in general would be appreciated.

[Chestertonian]

Appreciate the time you have with her

[Traditionallyruralmom]

Pray 3 hail Marys morning and night for her holiness, and purity.  When they are young, you normally don't realize just how important purity is (at least I did not).  Also, begin to pray for their future spouse or religious vocation, for lively gift of faith, kindness, mental stability, and include them in the 3 hail Marys for holiness and purity. 

Also, get her in the habit right now of her own personal morning and evening prayer.  Even if it is short, just the habit is what you want to focus on establishing.

Remember that anger is a product of expecting your children to act differently than they have realistically in the past.  Continue to focus on good formation, as well as taming the beast within your own mind and soul, but do your best to have realistic expectations, and admonish peacefully and discreetly when necessary.

Start them on this catechism  ..http://www.angelusonline.org/index.php?section=articles&subsection=show_article&article_id=3235  even if you plan on having your parish or school provide catechism, I think it is SO IMPORTANT for parents to have that time of formation with their child as well along side of it. 

[Traditionallyruralmom]

had a big lecture on this, but it disappeared...
long story short...teach them to take care of their stuff.  Don't overwhelm them with stuff.  You want a happy home.  You don't necessarily want a minimalist paradise (I homeschool, so that is not possible) but you don't want them to have so much that they cant possible manage it all. 

Also, if it is at all possible, have a large family. 

[clau clau]

- Say the family Rosary.

- Pick your battles

- When things are tough take one day at a time.

[clau clau]

re: above.  I just thought of another one.

-- Cross bridges when you come to them (link).

[Heinrich]

Model masculinity: love mama, provide, sacrifice, but drop the hammer when tough decisions are necessary
Keep electronic stimulation almost nonexistent: I guess start keyboarding after age of reason
Make sure you have her involved with other traditional families: home school craft club, outdoors, Sunday pitch in gatherings
Pets if tenable. Give her a kitten to grow up with. To a small extent it will teach responsibility. As she grows and the separation from it is inevitable, a lesson in loss.

[james03]

Heinrich covered it.  Be a good masculine man.  I won't repeat what he wrote though endorse it, but add some things.

First, figure out education while you have time to plan.  This day and age unless you are lucky that means homeschool.  Luckily homeschooling has advanced to an incredible extent.  Your kid can even attend "online" making it easier than ever.  Do the research.

If you end up homeschooling, look into social activities for your daughter.  Classical ballet is my favorite.  But make sure she will have activities with other friends.  Trad meet ups during the week are also great.

For the teenage years, I love swing dancing for teens.  Parents can chaperon easily because it's natural for all age groups to be there.

Eventually she will need to learn about computers.  Set up a computer in the living area where it is natural and easy to see the screen.  Avoid tablets and phones that she can take to her bedroom.

Make sure there is plenty of outside play time.  Therefore ration computer time.

Set standards on chores.  That is your job, as mama has a big mommy heart and is not suited for getting your daughter to toe the line.  After you set policy and verify compliance it will make things a lot easier on your wife.  At 4 she can help set the table and fold clothes.  Make sure your wife is training her in home skills.  As she gets older she should cook dinner at least once per week.  Note little girls LOVE helping mama bake.

Have a weekly date night with your wife only.  This will keep your marriage fresh.

Be playful with the wife.  If your daughter sees Daddy chasing Mama around the house "patting" her on the bottom with a spatula ever so often, or you two get into a pillow fight, that's good for your daughter to see.  Also don't be afraid to grab your wife and give her a kiss in front of your daughter.

Make sure real fights are done in the bedroom.  Explain to your daughter that Mommy and Daddy love each other, but sometimes they have to argue something out.  However since you are Catholics, you will always be married.

And go back and read what Heinrich wrote.

[Graham]

Jordan Peterson says to give them responsibilities as soon as they can handle them, and not to let them do anything that makes you dislike them. (I don't have kids.)