would it hurt her or their marriage for her to understand why it would be wrong for anyone to do? It's not a matter of "talking more" being demanded or expected for obedience, only that it is good to understand (even if later) what is good or evil for anyone.
You make a valid distinction.
Let's say a parent gives an order to 2 children such as telling them to do the dishes:
Child A doesn't want to obey, and so they ask "Why should I?" In their heart they don't want to obey, and so they ask a question as a means of thwarting off the authority. They might follow up with statements like "It's not my turn. This is unfair. I'm the only one who does any work in this house."
Child B does want to obey and intends to obey, but they are seeking clarification. They might ask a very similar question, but their intention is to find out, "Explain to me why I should do this." They are prepared to accept the explanation offered, rather than being prepared with lines of defense/attack 2, 3 and 4 as soon as one question is answered.
The difference between the 2 children is what's in their heart. Jesus says, "The words that come out of a man's mouth are the overflowing of his heart," and so there will be noticeable differences in the tone of the voice, in the attitude, in the phrasing between the question with a bad intention and the question with a good intention.
We were on the Auriesville Pilgrimage one year when I saw a wonderful example. After a long day of hiking 20 miles, the teenagers were planning to have a gathering. One lovely young lady asked her father if she could join the others. The father said "No." The girl did not argue, but she did say in a non-antagonistic voice, "Let me explain to you the good reasons why it makes sense for me to join the other teenagers." The father listened and then said, "Those are plausible reasons, but the answer is still 'No'." Rather than turn up the volume on her response, she then quietly accepted his decision.
That happened about 15 years ago, but that wonderful example has always stuck in my mind.