in my case, I truly want a solid TLM, but I also would love a strong trad community.
Maybe a parish with a vibrant homeschooling group.
A place where you can spend time in prayer on a First Friday, First Saturday, where you can find
a group of people you can go Christmas Caroling with,
a group of people that will visit a new mother & baby,
a group of people that will spend time making sandwiches & or soup for the poor in the area,
a group of people that will visit an elderly home,
a group of people that will help others in the parish that might be suffering or in need,
a group of people that will pray in front of an abortion clinic.
A group of people spending time going to Vespers, Benediction & daily Mass if possible.
A group of people that are truly practicing their faith. Living their faith!
And maybe where children might find their future spouse.
While such goals are ideal, in truth they are highly idealistic. IOW, perhaps not only in the 21st century First World would they be idealistic, but even in former time periods, such as mid-20th century. I'm going to break them down, based on my experience in dozens of parishes of all kinds, and from what I've heard from others. Obviously this is just my experience and knowledge-base, but it seems to be corroborated from consensus.
A place where you can spend time in prayer on a First Friday, First Saturday,
[I think that's reasonable and likely at a trad parish, unless, of course, it's an only-Sunday situation for a "traveling" (non-stationed) apostolate, which remains a reality; if it's a 7-day parish, yes. And when you say "spend time in prayer," I'm not sure if you mean structured, oral prayer or merely the impulse to remain at prayer after FF and FS Masses, etc. The latter is true at my parish, but there won't be a lot of people interested in aloud prayer as a group. When there are people lingering a long time after weekday Masses I sometimes linger with them, joining silently in their intentions; there is a kind of silent comraderie but less the spoken kind, but I think the silent kind is quite beautiful]
where you can find
a group of people you can go Christmas Caroling with,
[less likely, due to scatterings of families during holidays, while they visit other relatives; there will be singles available who have less family to visit and may be available]a group of people that will visit a new mother & baby,
[yes, but in less organized fashion than you may envision it; I would say this is much more informal, with selected individuals (women) visiting and helping out during the week; weekends being a very different matter, with entire families visiting after Mass]a group of people that will spend time making sandwiches & or soup for the poor in the area,
[I have never seen this, except at N.O. parishes in an organization within the parish, which may in turn actually be linked to an outside organization doing that; charity on the trad parish level is mostly to those in need within that parish, and again is not "organized" but spontaneous, combined with word-of-mouth: so and so knows X family where Dad has lost his job and there are 7 mouths to feed; people will contribute food; trad priest at parish will also get involved in rectory & hall pantries and cash --from individual donations, via him-- donations]
a group of people that will visit an elderly home,
[it won't be "a group"; it will be one or two, and on occasion]a group of people that will help others in the parish that might be suffering or in need,
[individually and in variety/spontaneously, not "as a group"; I've been involved in some needs, not others; it's important to trust the Holy Spirit in this, CE; people are moved to particular needs, not massively or generically]a group of people that will pray in front of an abortion clinic
[trads here participate in various Life events, but not specifically to abortion clinics; I find that's true in "conservative Catholic" circles much more because their badge of "membership" is external political activism; and again, it's an individual/selective basis; rarely is there an announcement in the trad bulletin about any organized event; if the diocese or some Catholic group is holding a Life event, some will choose to go if they know about it; some will not choose to go; some people at my parish solicit my participation, now and then; when I'm free (rarely), I will go]I will also say this about the yearning for a meaningful, traditionally Catholic community. I think the desire and the search are natural and laudable: it shows that the individual has internalized his commitment to Catholic spirituality as the defining center of his/her life, and it further shows an interest in making that commitment concrete and visible. I just think that the economic, social, and political realities of modern life make this quite a challenge, as the OP and others have already experienced. I am not speaking of here of excuses and convenience, because even when people are making, have made, great sacrifices to attain such a community existence, their own zeal has not accomplished what they seek.
I am speaking of our inability to control other factors: other people's level of commitment, other people's financial/employment situations (some jobs are more transferable than others, for many reasons), varying costs-of-living in particular regions, etc. Combine all of those variables with the fluctuating variable of traditional Catholic locations, and you can see how elusive the goal can become, even for the most knowledgeable, well-researched and determined person. I have learned to become peaceful with the opportunities God has given me, which do exist without searching for the perfect environment. What does my current Catholic environment include?
a core "group of people" committed to the Latin Mass and to traditional spirituality and doctrine. Without that, it is not a trad community, very simply. The spirituality includes a commitment to The Corporal and Spiritual Works of Mercy, but not "as a group," let alone as an organized group. As individuals, we see needs; we fill them. The spirituality also includes additional time spent in prayer and devotions, but not "as an organized group." We respect each other's devotions without feeling a need for group-think, so to speak. Sometimes we are inspired by others' devotions to include them in our private prayers and reading, but we do not feel compelled to conform.
1. I do not rely on my trad community (and most trad communities are quite small) to be everything to me. I can understand how a parent with currently dependent children has a different perspective on this: clearly you want to raise your children in a healthfully and genuinely (recognizably) Catholic environment. Again, this is a laudable goal but an elusive one. It eluded me as a parent of young children. For an example, liturgy -- when there were few/no traditional liturgies near us at the time. I went to great lengths to cobble together a meaningful intersection between what they were learning at Catholic school and how we could experience that outside of school. It meant traveling around to all kinds of different reverent Mass experiences, some trad, some not.
Ditto for other opportunities to live a Catholic life. It just wasn't all "packaged" at a single parish --
any kind of parish. The trad families at my current parish, no matter how reverent they are, also do not rely on just the parish for the source of All Things Catholic. It wouldn't be realistic.
2. Just my personal opinion here, although Fr. Ripperger happens to share it.
It is a Catholic value, one found in Tradition as well, to live within the world unless one has a vocation to the contemplative life. Even traditionalist priests, whether housed at a permanent trad location or traveling to one, live within the world. This is what Catholic witness is all about. One has to compromise with what is not the intellectual ideal but the Real. And to remain Catholic despite that. Children, to some extent (I realize to a lesser extent) can also be shown and taught how to do this, charitably. For example, some trad children in our parish are being taught to intersect with their less committed Catholic friends and their non-Catholic associates.
We will not ultimately protect children from the many evil and unfortunate influences in the modern secular (and even religious) world. Not going to happen within the next decade, minimum. Nor can we obviously protect ourselves as thoroughly as we wish, because we are not contemplative religious. The point is to become so confirmed and confident in our spirituality that we can operate anywhere, comfortably. I have reached that point in my life.
When I say "comfortably" I do not mean hypocrisy or immoral compromises. I mean that I can exist within a non-Catholic or N.O. setting and not be influenced to capital sins of Anger and Pride. (If I were parenting young children, that would certainly be a negative of living in a non-ideal environment -- the bad example I would give if I could not control my feelings within such settings.) The goal should be to get myself strong enough spiritually so that my faith is not shaken, nor my behavior scandalizing, when I cannot avoid non-traditional settings.
If I were raising a young family at the moment and had options to move anywhere I liked? I would move to a city/community
where tradition in general is valued. I will tell you that I sometimes have more in common with, make more headway with, families who respect tradition in general, including secular tradition, than I do with Catholics who are unaware of how accommodated they have become to modernism of various kinds -- how much they are attached to modernism (and secularism), how much it is the basis of their decision-making and lifestyle.
