Author Topic: Age boys need to leave  (Read 2482 times)

Offline Heinrich

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Age boys need to leave
« on: January 07, 2019, 01:51:28 PM »
Mrs. H and I were discussing with bewilderment the number of young men domiciling in parents' home into mid twenties. Some closer to 30. They aren't disabled nor have medical issues. They are, well, just there. What are your thoughts on this? It is tough in CO due to expense, but my boys are out and gone. One in Denver, other here C Springs.
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Offline Michael Wilson

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2019, 01:52:59 PM »
I'm a little bit over the average, as I never moved out; but somewhere along the line, I stopped living with my parents, and they started living with me.  :laugh:
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Offline Gardener

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #2 on: January 07, 2019, 03:41:47 PM »
If they are working towards a goal, I don’t see a problem with it. Especially if they continue to contribute around the house and pay a nominal rent (as a father, I’d squirrel that away and give it to them in full when they accomplish their goal).

But the whole just stay at home, no direction sort of stuff? It’s bad parenting and excessive mothering in my opinion.
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Offline dolores

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2019, 04:09:46 PM »
I don't think there is a set age, but rather it depends on the circumstances.  I also agree with what Gardener said; if you have a 20-something that is working steadily and is contributing to to the household in someway, but is living at home to either save up for marriage, a house, or some other reasonable goal, I don't see a problem with it.  If, however, you have a son who's picking up shifts at McDonald's a few times a week and doesn't do much else, there is a problem.
 
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Offline The Harlequin King

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2019, 04:14:23 PM »
As others have said, it all depends. I'd still live with my mother if I was in the same city. Better to give her money than throw it away at another landlord month to month.

Offline Sen

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2019, 04:25:46 PM »
As long as boys are in school and/or working, and not being unproductive, I generally support staying at home with parents. Why throw away money to line the pockets of landlords when they could instead save that money for a down payment on a mortgage? Also, don't parents miss their children and vice versa? Maybe it's because I was brought up in a collectivist culture, but the individualistic tendencies of the West are strange to me. I enjoy spending time with my parents and treasure the moments we have together, especially as they're getting older in age. Grandparents being in the same household or nearby also means free daycare for the grandchildren, if both parents work, and the grandchildren, in turn, are a source of joy for them. Aging and elderly folk being isolated from their children and families is one of the saddest things about the West.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2019, 04:29:14 PM by Sen »
 

Offline Habitual_Ritual

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #6 on: January 07, 2019, 06:03:50 PM »
I was 20
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Offline Der Polka-König

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2019, 08:39:13 PM »
Agree with others that it's circumstantial. I moved out immediately at 18, and we were all happy. I was a stupid teenage atheist punk-rocker at that point. A few years later, my uncle died on the feast of the Immaculate Conception, my grandfather died a couple months later on the feast of Our Lady of Lourdes, my father's back and knee problems got exceedingly bad, and my mother went through radiation for breast cancer. As all that was going on, I discovered the TLM, then moved back home to help out with my mom. She quickly realized how much she missed the TLM as well. Things worked out for all as I could pay off college debt while helping with my mom's medical needs. The lack of debt made me feel at least a little more free to discern vocations.

Not that it's helped a ton with discernment in my case, but parents should remember that their children can usually not enter Religious life if they have debt. Don't let them be freeloaders, but don't let them accrue thousands in debt either.
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Offline Acolyte

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2019, 09:36:26 PM »
I was 20

26, but I was in school after taking a break out of high school.  I worked between school.
 

Offline Heinrich

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2019, 10:51:39 PM »
I am clearly in the minority here and am quite surprised at the almost unanimous consent being given to "basement" dwelling. I understand that circumstances can play a role. Personally, I was 18. Did a stint at my dad's at 23 for a few months to get resquared, but have been supporting myself, a lady, chillin', cats and dogs in some capacity the whole time. Yes, I have regrets. However, the age should be 22 if healthy physically and mentally. It does a disservice to a man's potential to stay with mom and dad(who do not need help).
Schaff Recht mir Gott und führe meine Sache gegen ein unheiliges Volk . . .   .                          
Lex Orandi, lex credendi, lex vivendi.
"Die Welt sucht nach Ehre, Ansehen, Reichtum, Vergnügen; die Heiligen aber suchen Demütigung, Verachtung, Armut, Abtötung und Buße." --Ausschnitt von der Geschichte des Lebens St. Bennos.
 
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Offline Davis Blank - EG

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #10 on: January 07, 2019, 11:13:40 PM »
I think traditionally marriage would have occurred much younger and the new family would have moved out then, but lived extremely close by (maybe just in a small cottage on the family land).  There would be separation but lots of continued mutual support.  Best of both worlds.
 
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Offline diaduit

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2019, 04:23:12 AM »
I would agree about having goals and if living at home serves that goal well then yes to an extent.  However getting out and living in rented accommodation is a lifes lesson.  Budgeting, cooking, maintenance, being responsible, learning how to get on with neighbours, getting yourself up for work etc, these are all necessary skills for adulthood and I think goal or no goal, after 20/21 your kids should experience it at some stage.
I would not like my adult children hanging around living at home.  Not because I am cold and uncaring but dh and I have done our bit, earned our stripes and it would be time to enjoy the fruits of our labour.
 
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Offline The Harlequin King

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2019, 10:19:56 AM »
It does a disservice to a man's potential to stay with mom and dad(who do not need help).

Here's another factor that may shift things one way or another. If mom and dad are both alive and still together, and the son is the last child in the house, it would be courteous to move out just so the parents can finally have time alone again.

On the other hand, if mom or dad is widowed or divorced, moving out may make them more lonely, depressed, or have a lot more work to do. (This was my case. My mom is still upset that I moved away.)
 
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Offline John Lamb

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2019, 10:43:09 AM »
"Get them out the house by 18" is a peculiarly modern, especially American, and individualist mentality. Independence is not virtuous in and of itself, and in fact can be an occasion of sin (e.g. for most modern college students living away from home). But people today are so mad for independence that they don't even mind sending their daughters off to places where fornication & contraception is seen as practically a solemn duty.
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Offline John Lamb

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Re: Age boys need to leave
« Reply #14 on: January 08, 2019, 10:47:58 AM »
I think traditionally marriage would have occurred much younger and the new family would have moved out then, but lived extremely close by (maybe just in a small cottage on the family land).  There would be separation but lots of continued mutual support.  Best of both worlds.

This is the traditional extended family as opposed to the modern nuclear family. Modern people tend to think that getting away from your parents and your extended family is a liberty, when of course it is a kind of economic enslavement because without the backing of the family tribe you are much more at the mercy of the state & your employer.
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