Author Topic: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old  (Read 598 times)

Offline diaduit

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2018, 02:45:26 AM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

 

Offline Gardener

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #16 on: November 28, 2018, 08:25:06 AM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

Check under the forum's bed, or in the heating/cooling vents, and even perhaps in a closet; depending on its size, have the forum open its hand hidden behind its back, or mouth if it won't speak.

#toddlerForum
"And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we are ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?" - St. Maximilian Kolbe

Off and on for Advent. Probably only while at work.
 
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Offline maryslittlegarden

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #17 on: November 28, 2018, 08:36:52 AM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

The dryer ate it.  It will return as three odd Tupperware lids.
May we receive, O Lord, Thy mercy in the midst of Thy temple, that we may prepare with due honor for the approaching feast of our redemption.
 
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Offline Josephine87

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #18 on: November 28, 2018, 08:35:35 PM »
Thank you to everyone else who shared their advice. It gives me some hope and confidence, very helpful!
"Begin again." -St. Teresa of Avila

“My present trial seems to me a somewhat painful one, and I have the humiliation of knowing how badly I bore it at first. I now want to accept and to carry this little cross joyfully, to carry it silently, with a smile in my heart and on my lips, in union with the Cross of Christ. My God, blessed be Thou; accept from me each day the embarrassment, inconvenience, and pain this misery causes me. May it become a prayer and an act of reparation." -Elisabeth Leseur
 
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Offline Gardener

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #19 on: November 29, 2018, 08:38:41 AM »
At least you can spell, right?  8)

"And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we are ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?" - St. Maximilian Kolbe

Off and on for Advent. Probably only while at work.
 
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Offline Carleendiane

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #20 on: November 29, 2018, 07:10:42 PM »
L.O.L.....just that. Wow. Just wow.
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.
 

Offline Carleendiane

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #21 on: November 29, 2018, 07:19:15 PM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

The dryer ate it.  It will return as three odd Tupperware lids.

Yes, MLG. My Tupperware grows with each pair of readers I lose.
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.
 
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Offline Chestertonian

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #22 on: November 30, 2018, 12:26:41 AM »
hmm.

well, first, i would suggest examining the lens through which you view your three year old.  when you use labels like "obstinate" and "misbehaved" you're putting him in a box and sometimes that can create a self fulfilling prophecy.  Try to see him in a more charitable way and it will be easier to have the type of relationship you want with him.  For example, when my 2 year old says "NO!" when his grandmother tells him to come over there and get his shoes on so they can leave the house.  I can label that as "defiance" or I could see his words as his own little way of saying "Hey, can't you see that I was in the middle of building a very important cityscape with my Duplos?" or "Excuse me, I'm in the middle of solving a very important problem at my train table over here, and wherever you're about to take me is not nearly as compelling!" 

I relate a lot to the experiences of toddlers and preschoolers because i'm in a position where I have to depend on other people for virtually everything but i'm also a grown man so I have that drive and desire to be fully independent and to do things myself.  I have my preferences for how things are done, and I have to cope with watching other people do it differently than I'd prefer--everything from the way they position me in bed, to scheduling things, to managing the household.  We have a 2 year old who often throws a fit if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it.  I often laugh to myself as my wife and my mother get frustrated at how they say things like "Ask in your nice voice!" and "if you keep screaming for a glass of water you're not getting any water at all."  Try having a parched mouth and having to wait for someone to get you a drink because you can't get a drink for yourself.  It's legit difficult to have to wait that long, I know because I have to do it.  It's that horrible disconnect between knowing what you want, and not being able to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You've been there, it's just unlikely that you remember that feeling.

I really like the montessori mindset of teaching children as young as possible to do things independently.  yes your child might spill milk as he learns to pour himself a glass of milk but it's worth the cleanup because in the long run the sense of agency they get from doing things independently counteracts the feeling of powerlessness that comes from being 2/3/4
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Offline diaduit

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Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #23 on: December 01, 2018, 01:49:13 AM »
hmm.

well, first, i would suggest examining the lens through which you view your three year old.  when you use labels like "obstinate" and "misbehaved" you're putting him in a box and sometimes that can create a self fulfilling prophecy.  Try to see him in a more charitable way and it will be easier to have the type of relationship you want with him.  For example, when my 2 year old says "NO!" when his grandmother tells him to come over there and get his shoes on so they can leave the house.  I can label that as "defiance" or I could see his words as his own little way of saying "Hey, can't you see that I was in the middle of building a very important cityscape with my Duplos?" or "Excuse me, I'm in the middle of solving a very important problem at my train table over here, and wherever you're about to take me is not nearly as compelling!" 

I relate a lot to the experiences of toddlers and preschoolers because i'm in a position where I have to depend on other people for virtually everything but i'm also a grown man so I have that drive and desire to be fully independent and to do things myself.  I have my preferences for how things are done, and I have to cope with watching other people do it differently than I'd prefer--everything from the way they position me in bed, to scheduling things, to managing the household.  We have a 2 year old who often throws a fit if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it.  I often laugh to myself as my wife and my mother get frustrated at how they say things like "Ask in your nice voice!" and "if you keep screaming for a glass of water you're not getting any water at all."  Try having a parched mouth and having to wait for someone to get you a drink because you can't get a drink for yourself.  It's legit difficult to have to wait that long, I know because I have to do it.  It's that horrible disconnect between knowing what you want, and not being able to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You've been there, it's just unlikely that you remember that feeling.

I really like the montessori mindset of teaching children as young as possible to do things independently.  yes your child might spill milk as he learns to pour himself a glass of milk but it's worth the cleanup because in the long run the sense of agency they get from doing things independently counteracts the feeling of powerlessness that comes from being 2/3/4

But ches how do you do all that while you're cooking dinner or rushing out the door for an appointment or you have another sick child who needs your attention or the cat just wee'd on the floor or the postman is at the door waiting for you to sign for a package.......

Yes children get frustrated but the need to learn to balance their frustrations in light of whats going on around them.  If you're parched with the thirst and waiting for a glass of water from your wife but you can see that she is just serving up dinner to the kids, you can see that all she needs is another few minutes before she can give you one.  You decide to wait a few minutes out of consideration for your wife, that is because you are an adult who has had reached the maturity to understand that your own needs do not always come first......training from childhood taught you this.
Just say I am gathering all the kids together for the drive into Sunday morning mass, I have spent the last 20 mins shouting 'have you got your coats on, anyone need the loo go now, johnny where are your shoes, mary did you brush your teeth , while I am packing the range with fuel to keep the fire going, closing windows and doors, looking for keys, strapping smallies into car seats......but when little johnny gets frustrated because I am telling him to come now, I have to stop , think about his needs ie finishing off his lego and he starts screaming in temper!!  Sorry but the child has to learn the needs of the whole family are first and he cannot dictate the pace or atmosphere of the family home.
All being said if a reasoned request of 'come now johnny we are in a hurry please get into the car' works , thats super but nine times out of ten you have to just override his feelings and just get him into the car.  He is learning how to become a reasonable adult who knows he is not the centre of the universe.

 
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