Author Topic: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old  (Read 1251 times)

Offline diaduit

  • Mary Garden
  • Wachtmeister
  • ***
  • Posts: 1061
  • Thanked: 1055 times
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2018, 02:45:26 AM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

 

Offline Gardener

  • Drink the poison yourself.
  • St. Joseph's Workbench
  • Hauptmann
  • ****
  • Posts: 8036
  • Thanked: 5307 times
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #16 on: November 28, 2018, 08:25:06 AM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

Check under the forum's bed, or in the heating/cooling vents, and even perhaps in a closet; depending on its size, have the forum open its hand hidden behind its back, or mouth if it won't speak.

#toddlerForum
Lent: Only on Sundays.

"And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we are ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?" - St. Maximilian Kolbe

Providence is a present mystery by which our hope is confirmed and our faith solidified, if we give not into despair or disbelief.
 
The following users thanked this post: Lynne, diaduit, MundaCorMeum, Xavier, Fleur-de-Lys, Josephine87

Offline maryslittlegarden

  • Mary Garden
  • Feldwebel
  • ***
  • Posts: 3735
  • Thanked: 1820 times
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #17 on: November 28, 2018, 08:36:52 AM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

The dryer ate it.  It will return as three odd Tupperware lids.
Remember, man, that thou art dust, and unto dust thou shalt return
 
The following users thanked this post: Lynne, diaduit, MundaCorMeum, Carleendiane, Fleur-de-Lys, Josephine87

Offline Josephine87

  • Mary Garden
  • Korporal
  • **
  • Posts: 329
  • Thanked: 322 times
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #18 on: November 28, 2018, 08:35:35 PM »
Thank you to everyone else who shared their advice. It gives me some hope and confidence, very helpful!
"Begin again." -St. Teresa of Avila

“My present trial seems to me a somewhat painful one, and I have the humiliation of knowing how badly I bore it at first. I now want to accept and to carry this little cross joyfully, to carry it silently, with a smile in my heart and on my lips, in union with the Cross of Christ. My God, blessed be Thou; accept from me each day the embarrassment, inconvenience, and pain this misery causes me. May it become a prayer and an act of reparation." -Elisabeth Leseur
 
The following users thanked this post: Lynne, MundaCorMeum

Offline Gardener

  • Drink the poison yourself.
  • St. Joseph's Workbench
  • Hauptmann
  • ****
  • Posts: 8036
  • Thanked: 5307 times
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #19 on: November 29, 2018, 08:38:41 AM »
At least you can spell, right?  8)

Lent: Only on Sundays.

"And what use are the victories on the battlefield if we are ourselves are defeated in our innermost personal selves?" - St. Maximilian Kolbe

Providence is a present mystery by which our hope is confirmed and our faith solidified, if we give not into despair or disbelief.
 
The following users thanked this post: maryslittlegarden, Chestertonian, MundaCorMeum, Josephine87

Offline Carleendiane

  • Mary Garden
  • Major
  • ****
  • Posts: 11665
  • Thanked: 8216 times
  • all aboard the "struggle bus"
  • Religion: Traditional Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #20 on: November 29, 2018, 07:10:42 PM »
L.O.L.....just that. Wow. Just wow.
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.
 

Offline Carleendiane

  • Mary Garden
  • Major
  • ****
  • Posts: 11665
  • Thanked: 8216 times
  • all aboard the "struggle bus"
  • Religion: Traditional Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #21 on: November 29, 2018, 07:19:15 PM »
I did a long reply and click to post and it disappeared somewhere ….aaaaghhh

The dryer ate it.  It will return as three odd Tupperware lids.

Yes, MLG. My Tupperware grows with each pair of readers I lose.
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.
 
The following users thanked this post: maryslittlegarden

Offline Chestertonian

  • The Stephen Hawking of SD
  • St. Joseph's Workbench
  • Major
  • ****
  • Posts: 12484
  • Thanked: 5149 times
  • Eternal Gadfly
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #22 on: November 30, 2018, 12:26:41 AM »
hmm.

well, first, i would suggest examining the lens through which you view your three year old.  when you use labels like "obstinate" and "misbehaved" you're putting him in a box and sometimes that can create a self fulfilling prophecy.  Try to see him in a more charitable way and it will be easier to have the type of relationship you want with him.  For example, when my 2 year old says "NO!" when his grandmother tells him to come over there and get his shoes on so they can leave the house.  I can label that as "defiance" or I could see his words as his own little way of saying "Hey, can't you see that I was in the middle of building a very important cityscape with my Duplos?" or "Excuse me, I'm in the middle of solving a very important problem at my train table over here, and wherever you're about to take me is not nearly as compelling!" 

I relate a lot to the experiences of toddlers and preschoolers because i'm in a position where I have to depend on other people for virtually everything but i'm also a grown man so I have that drive and desire to be fully independent and to do things myself.  I have my preferences for how things are done, and I have to cope with watching other people do it differently than I'd prefer--everything from the way they position me in bed, to scheduling things, to managing the household.  We have a 2 year old who often throws a fit if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it.  I often laugh to myself as my wife and my mother get frustrated at how they say things like "Ask in your nice voice!" and "if you keep screaming for a glass of water you're not getting any water at all."  Try having a parched mouth and having to wait for someone to get you a drink because you can't get a drink for yourself.  It's legit difficult to have to wait that long, I know because I have to do it.  It's that horrible disconnect between knowing what you want, and not being able to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You've been there, it's just unlikely that you remember that feeling.

I really like the montessori mindset of teaching children as young as possible to do things independently.  yes your child might spill milk as he learns to pour himself a glass of milk but it's worth the cleanup because in the long run the sense of agency they get from doing things independently counteracts the feeling of powerlessness that comes from being 2/3/4
"I am not much of a Crusader, that is for sure, but at least I am not a Mohamedist!"
 

Offline diaduit

  • Mary Garden
  • Wachtmeister
  • ***
  • Posts: 1061
  • Thanked: 1055 times
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #23 on: December 01, 2018, 01:49:13 AM »
hmm.

well, first, i would suggest examining the lens through which you view your three year old.  when you use labels like "obstinate" and "misbehaved" you're putting him in a box and sometimes that can create a self fulfilling prophecy.  Try to see him in a more charitable way and it will be easier to have the type of relationship you want with him.  For example, when my 2 year old says "NO!" when his grandmother tells him to come over there and get his shoes on so they can leave the house.  I can label that as "defiance" or I could see his words as his own little way of saying "Hey, can't you see that I was in the middle of building a very important cityscape with my Duplos?" or "Excuse me, I'm in the middle of solving a very important problem at my train table over here, and wherever you're about to take me is not nearly as compelling!" 

I relate a lot to the experiences of toddlers and preschoolers because i'm in a position where I have to depend on other people for virtually everything but i'm also a grown man so I have that drive and desire to be fully independent and to do things myself.  I have my preferences for how things are done, and I have to cope with watching other people do it differently than I'd prefer--everything from the way they position me in bed, to scheduling things, to managing the household.  We have a 2 year old who often throws a fit if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it.  I often laugh to myself as my wife and my mother get frustrated at how they say things like "Ask in your nice voice!" and "if you keep screaming for a glass of water you're not getting any water at all."  Try having a parched mouth and having to wait for someone to get you a drink because you can't get a drink for yourself.  It's legit difficult to have to wait that long, I know because I have to do it.  It's that horrible disconnect between knowing what you want, and not being able to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You've been there, it's just unlikely that you remember that feeling.

I really like the montessori mindset of teaching children as young as possible to do things independently.  yes your child might spill milk as he learns to pour himself a glass of milk but it's worth the cleanup because in the long run the sense of agency they get from doing things independently counteracts the feeling of powerlessness that comes from being 2/3/4

But ches how do you do all that while you're cooking dinner or rushing out the door for an appointment or you have another sick child who needs your attention or the cat just wee'd on the floor or the postman is at the door waiting for you to sign for a package.......

Yes children get frustrated but the need to learn to balance their frustrations in light of whats going on around them.  If you're parched with the thirst and waiting for a glass of water from your wife but you can see that she is just serving up dinner to the kids, you can see that all she needs is another few minutes before she can give you one.  You decide to wait a few minutes out of consideration for your wife, that is because you are an adult who has had reached the maturity to understand that your own needs do not always come first......training from childhood taught you this.
Just say I am gathering all the kids together for the drive into Sunday morning mass, I have spent the last 20 mins shouting 'have you got your coats on, anyone need the loo go now, johnny where are your shoes, mary did you brush your teeth , while I am packing the range with fuel to keep the fire going, closing windows and doors, looking for keys, strapping smallies into car seats......but when little johnny gets frustrated because I am telling him to come now, I have to stop , think about his needs ie finishing off his lego and he starts screaming in temper!!  Sorry but the child has to learn the needs of the whole family are first and he cannot dictate the pace or atmosphere of the family home.
All being said if a reasoned request of 'come now johnny we are in a hurry please get into the car' works , thats super but nine times out of ten you have to just override his feelings and just get him into the car.  He is learning how to become a reasonable adult who knows he is not the centre of the universe.

 
The following users thanked this post: MundaCorMeum, Xavier, Davis Blank - EG

Offline james03

  • Hauptmann
  • ****
  • Posts: 8108
  • Thanked: 2591 times
  • The Brutal Clarity of a Winter Morning
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #24 on: December 16, 2018, 02:40:48 PM »
Each child has a different personality.  Adjust your discipline style to the kid.  For one kid a spanking does wonders.  For others, you use a different approach.  It's still virtuous to correct bad behavior, whatever the method.

Also be sure to rule out reactive hypoglycemia.  I had a horrible problem with one child.  If your child is great after meals, but then gets bad when he is hungry, it is something to look into.  If it is hypoglycemia, you have to feed them about 6 times a day and cut out sugar and carbs.  Stuff them with fat.  Greasy, fatty breakfasts cooked in butter are your friend.  It solved our problem.

Your husband should also help out.  He should make sure the kids say "yes mam" and "no mam" to you.  He should also never be disrespectful to you in front of the kids.
"But he that doth not believe, is already judged: because he believeth not in the name of the only begotten Son of God (Jn 3:18)."

"All sorrow leads to the foot of the Cross.  Weep for your sins."
 
The following users thanked this post: Traditionallyruralmom, MundaCorMeum, Josephine87, Davis Blank - EG

Offline bigbadtrad

  • Korporal
  • **
  • Posts: 368
  • Thanked: 520 times
  • Religion: Catholic
Re: Losing my temper a lot with 3 yr old
« Reply #25 on: January 16, 2019, 03:26:51 PM »
What calms me down is a picture I leave in my wallet. It's my 1st born at 3 months old. She's so little, so sweat, never a bad moment and I realize 2 things mostly...

The first is how short I really have this child in my life. And every second she perfects me as much as I "try" to perfect her. It's humbling to realize how she perfects me. On a lighter note for every time you lose your patience the more they will do the same later on.

I should mention that I "lose my patience" with my tone, but never my spirit. I may sound angry but it's only a show. I use it only to tell them to calm down now and come and see me. Once they do I speak softly. I only do that to stop them from acting crazy.

The second is I think of that little one as "how would I have wanted to be treated as a child?" Honestly I'm glad I was spanked and believe in it only if it's immediately after the fact and hard enough where its a deterrent and I've tried a lot of techniques. I would want my parents to be tough on me to be responsible so when I get older I have the sense of duty and work ethic. So this is how I do it.

On a side note I find the moment my children aren't helping in the house the worse they get. Even if they are sweeping my dirt pile or my wife's all over the house because they don't understand. It's the spirit and it helps them tremendously. I get them helping cleaning at 2.5 years and if you have a smaller child you want to instill into them "this is your baby, you have to protect them." The more of a sense of duty you put into a child they learn to focus on things outside of themselves and it distracts their childish egotism. They sit up and help me make scrambled eggs, just keep them focused on the spirit of helping constantly.
"God has proved his love to us by laying down his life for our sakes; we too must be ready to lay down our lives for the sake of our brethren." 1 John 3:16
 
The following users thanked this post: Lynne, Maximilian, Gardener, diaduit, Josephine87, Davis Blank - EG