Author Topic: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)  (Read 21465 times)

Offline AndiA

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Ok, I am newly returned to the Church (less than 2 years) and I am thinking I want to try going to the Latin Mass in my area- however as a rape survivor I am afraid to because I have been told I will not be allowed in if I do not wear a dress/skirt. I no longer wear dresses/skirts and am wondering if I am excluded from Latin Mass or if I should talk to the priest or if there is another option.

I understand at a Latin Mass I *must* cover my head and will do so. But would the women who veil for Novus Ordo masses be willing to talk to me about it -- I have been told that it is, in part, in deference to men. Is this true? could someone help me understand the practice.  Thanks
 

Offline The Harlequin King

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2015, 10:42:07 PM »
Wearing a skirt is not required.

Veiling is a bit more complicated, but either way, it doesn't actually have anything to do with there being a Latin Mass, or any Mass at all. If veiling is required, it's required for the Latin Mass, the Novus Ordo, or just popping in the church for any reason.
 

Offline Kaesekopf

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2015, 10:44:07 PM »
Skirts aren't required (although if jags give you guff, deck 'em, IMHO).

Veiling, the only folks who'll be picky about that are generally SSPX chapels.  It's not really deference to men, I don't think.  I'll yield to the women to explain it.  :lol:
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Offline GloriaPatri

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2015, 10:54:06 PM »
At a Latin Mass you aren't required to veil, but the majority of women will cover their hair. This doesn't have to be with a veil/mantilla either. Some women wear hats that match the rest of their outfits (for an example, just watch a video clip of HM the Queen at any Anglican service).

As far as skirts/dress goes, you could always wear pants/leggings underneath your dress if people at Mass really give you grief (not sure if that would be an acceptable compromise for you).
 

Offline JubilateDeo

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #4 on: November 16, 2015, 11:10:21 PM »
Ok, I am newly returned to the Church (less than 2 years) and I am thinking I want to try going to the Latin Mass in my area- however as a rape survivor I am afraid to because I have been told I will not be allowed in if I do not wear a dress/skirt. I no longer wear dresses/skirts and am wondering if I am excluded from Latin Mass or if I should talk to the priest or if there is another option.

I understand at a Latin Mass I *must* cover my head and will do so. But would the women who veil for Novus Ordo masses be willing to talk to me about it -- I have been told that it is, in part, in deference to men. Is this true? could someone help me understand the practice.  Thanks

First of all, welcome back to the faith.

This article explains a lot about veiling and you might find it helpful:  http://www.onepeterfive.com/chapel-veil-womans-rights/

I remember the first time I started veiling, and it did feel awkward and I was out of place.  It gets easier over time and eventually it feels strange to be in church without one.  I often am without a veil in church these days because my 19 month old yanks it off, and I always feel naked without it :)  I originally only wore the veil at the Latin Mass, but eventually realized that Our Lord is just as worthy of that reverence in the Novus Ordo, even if I am the only woman practicing it.
 

Offline diaduit

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2015, 02:51:41 AM »
SSPX Chapels ask women to veil and to dress modestly, they do consider pants to be immodest.  That being said you will not be told you cannot come to mass if you wear trousers.  Sometimes it takes years for a woman to shake off the habit of wearing pants (including me, I wear pants but not to mass ). I have seen women receive Communion dressed in pants and no remarks are passed.  I myself am trad since I was 15 and now at 43 have never been scolded and the parishioners know it too but have not said anything.
You have a genuine aversion to skirts but mine is just I love my pants and I am trying to break the habit slowly but surely.
Don't let the pants rule put you off thankfully Trad priests are truly Catholic so they are more concerned with your soul and far more sympathetic than you  realise.
 

Offline OCLittleFlower

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2015, 02:59:41 AM »
Some chapels require skirts.  Would leggings underneath make you feel safe and comfortable?  :)  You could even try a long skirt with thick leggings/thin pants under.

Veils can seem a bit strange at first -- I've always liked them, but some ladies like to ease into it.  Hats are perfectly acceptable, as are shawls, etc.

I tend to wear a Russian shawl, because our chapel tends to be quite cold.   It looks something like this:

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Если вы можете прочитать это, вы лучше.
 
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Offline Miriam_M

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2015, 03:43:31 AM »
There are some women who wear pants to our trad Masses.  They are in the minority but they're not a minority of one or something like that.  I'd say about 10 of them wear pants.  No one says anything (nothing I've ever heard), and no one stares at them or treats them funny at Mass, at the Communion rail, or at reception.

I don't always cover my head for all of Mass, but I always do for Communion.  Sometimes covering my head that long makes me too warm.  (I wear wrap-type scarves, like OCLittleFlower does; I don't wear lighter mantillas, so warmth is a negative factor; our chapel tends to be warm, unlike hers.)
 

Offline Jayne

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2015, 09:06:20 AM »
Veils used to be required under the 1917 Code of Canon Law and some people make an argument that they still are.  The more common (in my experience) interpretation of Canon Law is that they are no longer required since the 1983 Code.

But I did not know about that when I start doing it.  I just knew it was a way to honour Christ's Presence in the Blessed Sacrament.  This has always been a very important part of our Faith for me, so it was natural for me to do it when I learned about it.  It is similar to genuflecting to the Tabernacle but only for women.

Another thing I like about covering my head is that, until recently, it was always the practice of Catholic women.  It makes me feel connected to the Catholic women of the past.  I think of the them as my mothers in faith and it is a comforting feeling.

When I started covering my head I was still regularly attending the Novus Ordo and my husband thought that wearing a lace veil (mantilla) would make me stand out.  He was uncomfortable with that so I wore hats and scarves at first.  But when he was more used to my head always being covered he didn't mind anymore and I started wearing a mantilla as my main head covering.  I find them more convenient and comfortable.
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Offline MilesChristi

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #9 on: November 17, 2015, 11:41:07 AM »
Ok, I am newly returned to the Church (less than 2 years) and I am thinking I want to try going to the Latin Mass in my area- however as a rape survivor I am afraid to because I have been told I will not be allowed in if I do not wear a dress/skirt. I no longer wear dresses/skirts and am wondering if I am excluded from Latin Mass or if I should talk to the priest or if there is another option.

I understand at a Latin Mass I *must* cover my head and will do so. But would the women who veil for Novus Ordo masses be willing to talk to me about it -- I have been told that it is, in part, in deference to men. Is this true? could someone help me understand the practice.  Thanks

You are not required to do either...some people will annoy you about it, but it all depends on where you go.
Remember the Church is made of folks...

Just dress somewhat modestly, and you'll be fine. Unless some place has some sort of dress code. I think the Roman dress code is fine enough.
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Offline Lydia Purpuraria

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2015, 01:27:44 PM »
I understand at a Latin Mass I *must* cover my head and will do so. But would the women who veil for Novus Ordo masses be willing to talk to me about it -- I have been told that it is, in part, in deference to men. Is this true? could someone help me understand the practice.  Thanks

Before I began attending the Latin Mass, I listened to this sermon ... it really made a huge impression on me and helped me understand some reasons for/the significance of veiling.  Perhaps you would find it helpful as well(?).

(If you do listen: The first part discusses the veiling of statues during Passiontide and around the 9:30 mark the priest begins to discuss the veiling of women.)
 

Offline Kaesekopf

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #11 on: November 17, 2015, 02:00:28 PM »
Veils used to be required under the 1917 Code of Canon Law and some people make an argument that they still are.  The more common (in my experience) interpretation of Canon Law is that they are no longer required since the 1983 Code.

I got in a heated argument (and eventually banned somewhere for being right), but veils were required in 1917.  CANONICALLY, they NO LONGER are. 

The 1983 Code abrogated the ENTIRETY of the 1917 Code.  Whatever was contained in that 1917 Code has NO EFFECT OR FORCE. 

Canonically - veiling not required.  Some people erroneously argue this, but they are dead-wrong. 

</soapbox>

:lol:
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Offline piabee

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #12 on: November 17, 2015, 04:26:15 PM »
I have been told that it is, in part, in deference to men. Is this true?

This is not true, but I don't see why it would matter.
 

Offline Bernadette

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #13 on: November 17, 2015, 04:39:47 PM »
I have been told that it is, in part, in deference to men. Is this true?

This is not true, but I don't see why it would matter.

It would matter to me if it were true. Because it wouldn't make any sense.
 

Offline Clare

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Re: Honest Question about Dress codes( warning could be triggering)
« Reply #14 on: November 17, 2015, 04:49:47 PM »
When I started covering my head I was still regularly attending the Novus Ordo and my husband thought that wearing a lace veil (mantilla) would make me stand out.  He was uncomfortable with that so I wore hats and scarves at first.  But when he was more used to my head always being covered he didn't mind anymore and I started wearing a mantilla as my main head covering....
I started wearing a mantilla when I was attending the Novus Ordo, and a few old ladies thought I was practically a saint! :lol:
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