Suscipe Domine Traditional Catholic Forum

The Parish Hall => Family Life => Topic started by: Josephine87 on September 24, 2018, 11:49:19 PM

Title: Spendthrift Spouse
Post by: Josephine87 on September 24, 2018, 11:49:19 PM
Has anyone here ever dealt with a spouse who is bad with money?  How did you broach the topic? I am pretty quiet and non-confrontational but I want to save for the future and pay down debts and that is not a shared goal at the moment. It's also difficult since I'm not the breadwinner so it feels uncomfortable to talk about this, like I'm being ungrateful.
Title: Re: Spendthrift Spouse
Post by: diaduit on September 25, 2018, 01:41:28 AM
Have you ever sat down and put together a budget?

Cost of house, utilities, food, car, insurances, repairs and replacements and all necessaties on a spreadsheet, once totalled compare it to the income.  What is leftover should be divided up for savings, money in your pocket and Church dividend.


When it is written down on paper , it could start a discussion between you at least and work from there.  It would be good to have a goal that the other spouse enjoys , like a weekend trip so they can enjoy the fruits of saving and then might be more inclined to at least try to change their habits.  Dangle the carrot first.
Title: Re: Spendthrift Spouse
Post by: Gardener on September 25, 2018, 10:50:55 AM
I'm the spouse who is bad with money in terms of saving surplus, a condition for which we haven't suffered since our bills/income ratio is in our favor. My wife feels guilty about "treating" herself to this miracle shower spray that stops soap scum, or buying something like new socks.

Anyway, it's not "his" money nor is it "your" (singular) money. It's your (plural) money in order to do necessary things. That you aren't the "breadwinner" is immaterial if he is violating his duties as a husband and (?) father.

If your husband is taking bill money and putting it towards luxuries, that's a real problem and needs to be addressed.

If he just simply has a "ooh, shiny!"' complex, that should also be addressed.

Diaduit is right: you need to have a budget to make sure all needs are covered first.

What has been helpful for me is to self-limit an "allowance". If I want more money for something, I have to generate it via selling something else I have.

ETA: All the truly rich people I know are completely cheap. I know one guy who is a retired fiber optics architect for AT&T. Dude's worth over a million dollars from investments. Drives a cheap car. Works on his own vehicles. Pays for everything in cash and if he can't pay outright he doesn't buy it. Luxurious spending is the hallmark of the constantly self-impoverished and nouveau riche (and soon to be poor again).
(https://i.redd.it/au67ipniw7211.jpg)
Title: Re: Spendthrift Spouse
Post by: Carleendiane on September 26, 2018, 11:23:23 AM
I pay the bills. After bills, no matter what he deems needed, whether I agree, disagree, or am ambivalent about, I usually say nothing, unless I am aware of a bill coming up towards end of month,  If he is anxious over making it until next payday, he will reevaluate where the money went. Which is good. There is enough  to make it until next payday. If we run short, well, he knows why. No need to say anything.
Title: Re: Spendthrift Spouse
Post by: Josephine87 on September 26, 2018, 02:20:21 PM
Thank you everyone for your advice.
Title: Re: Spendthrift Spouse
Post by: Gardener on October 10, 2018, 09:12:11 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/jFei0Q2.png)

Title: Re: Spendthrift Spouse
Post by: Bonaventure on October 15, 2018, 02:28:08 PM
Has anyone here ever dealt with a spouse who is bad with money?  How did you broach the topic? I am pretty quiet and non-confrontational but I want to save for the future and pay down debts and that is not a shared goal at the moment. It's also difficult since I'm not the breadwinner so it feels uncomfortable to talk about this, like I'm being ungrateful.

We got very lucky since we both are essentially minimalists. I learned that, she grew up third world so already had that. You just need to sit down and talk about what you value in life, and goals.