Married to Non-Catholic

Started by Josephine87, March 29, 2023, 07:09:30 PM

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Josephine87

Does anyone have any advice to share in this situation? I've been married nearly a decade now. I converted shortly after marrying. It's never seemed to bother my husband much though it's been an enormous struggle on my end. Now he has mentioned not wanting another child after the next one (I'm not pregnant yet so it might still be a long way off).

I pray for his conversion during my Rosary narly every day and have the green scapular hidden under his side of the bed. It is just so difficult, I wonder I anyone else can advise or commiserate.
"Begin again." -St. Teresa of Avila

"My present trial seems to me a somewhat painful one, and I have the humiliation of knowing how badly I bore it at first. I now want to accept and to carry this little cross joyfully, to carry it silently, with a smile in my heart and on my lips, in union with the Cross of Christ. My God, blessed be Thou; accept from me each day the embarrassment, inconvenience, and pain this misery causes me. May it become a prayer and an act of reparation." -Elisabeth Leseur

Mushroom

I got married in 2021. My husband got baptized in the Catholic church but wasn't raised as one. We got married in the Catholic church and I will be converting in April. He has skepticism mostly about the Trinity and doesn't really like the Church in general. We attend mass weekly but I am afraid for how we can raise our kids Catholic if he's not on board. We're homeschooling and homesteading for reference. I'm also in my third trimester with our first baby and I will have it baptized right away. I have educated my husband in Catholicism and we read the Bible together (on the OT and finished the NT). I have kind of given up on convincing my husband since I've done a lot in the beginning but if he has questions, I try my best to answer them and educate myself.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, I can relate very well. I have heard of stories of people converting their spouses down the line but I feel like it would be ideal if my husband converted once we start educating our children.

Jacafamala

#2
Sorry to hear of your difficulties, ladies. It is a cross to bare when family members aren't Catholic. I think nearly everyone has someone in their family who has left the Faith, or never adhered to it in the first place., but when that person is the head of the household, it's especially crippling.

I married a Catholic before I found tradition. We married in the NO. He's a good man, and we pray the rosary together every night, but we go to different churches. He just never caught on to the tridentine Mass. He's okay with my going to the TLM, but he's set in his ways and doesn't want to change.

I have to accept that, because I'm the one who changed, not him.

So we have the usual recourse. Prayer, fasting, good works. Being a loving and faithful wife who submits to our husband's rightful authority in everything, but not sin. Trust that God will use this trial for our spiritual good. He uses it to cultivate certain virtues we need. 

Trust that whatever happens to our loved ones, God is completely infinitely just and merciful. We trust in Him.

Pray to Elizabeth, loving wife of Felix Leseur. Do you know her story?
"I shall die with weapons in my hands."
-St Therese of Lisieux

Josephine87

Thank you both.  It's nice to just hear from others experiencing similar/the same thing.  Pretty much everyone with kids at my parish are married and both attend the parish together.  It's hard to not feel lonely!
"Begin again." -St. Teresa of Avila

"My present trial seems to me a somewhat painful one, and I have the humiliation of knowing how badly I bore it at first. I now want to accept and to carry this little cross joyfully, to carry it silently, with a smile in my heart and on my lips, in union with the Cross of Christ. My God, blessed be Thou; accept from me each day the embarrassment, inconvenience, and pain this misery causes me. May it become a prayer and an act of reparation." -Elisabeth Leseur

Lynne

Quote from: Jacafamala on March 31, 2023, 03:13:47 AMSorry to hear of your difficulties, ladies. It is a cross to bare when family members aren't Catholic. I think nearly everyone has someone in their family who has left the Faith, or never adhered to it in the first place., but when that person is the head of the household, it's especially crippling.

I married a Catholic before I found tradition. We married in the NO. He's a good man, and we pray the rosary together every night, but we go to different churches. He just never caught on to the tridentine Mass. He's okay with my going to the TLM, but he's set in his ways and doesn't want to change.

I have to accept that, because I'm the one who changed, not him.

So we have the usual recourse. Prayer, fasting, good works. Being a loving and faithful wife who submits to our husband's rightful authority in everything, but not sin. Trust that God will use this trial for our spiritual good. He uses it to cultivate certain virtues we need. 

Trust that whatever happens to our loved ones, God is completely infinitely just and merciful. We trust in Him.

Pray to Elizabeth, loving wife of Felix Leseur. Do you know her story?


Thank you for the link to that video, it's wonderful!

Yes, I too am the one who changed, not my husband, so I go to the TLM and he, as a non-practicing Catholic, sleeps late each Sunday. I have the Kindle version of the book about the Lesurs. I will finally read it.
In conclusion, I can leave you with no better advice than that given after every sermon by Msgr Vincent Giammarino, who was pastor of St Michael's Church in Atlantic City in the 1950s:

    "My dear good people: Do what you have to do, When you're supposed to do it, The best way you can do it,   For the Love of God. Amen"

coffeeandcigarette

Quote from: MushroomRooster on March 30, 2023, 08:04:12 PMI got married in 2021. My husband got baptized in the Catholic church but wasn't raised as one. We got married in the Catholic church and I will be converting in April. He has skepticism mostly about the Trinity and doesn't really like the Church in general. We attend mass weekly but I am afraid for how we can raise our kids Catholic if he's not on board. We're homeschooling and homesteading for reference. I'm also in my third trimester with our first baby and I will have it baptized right away. I have educated my husband in Catholicism and we read the Bible together (on the OT and finished the NT). I have kind of given up on convincing my husband since I've done a lot in the beginning but if he has questions, I try my best to answer them and educate myself.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, I can relate very well. I have heard of stories of people converting their spouses down the line but I feel like it would be ideal if my husband converted once we start educating our children.

How are you homeschooling if you are pregnant with your first? Do you mean you plan on homeschooling?

Mushroom

How are you homeschooling if you are pregnant with your first? Do you mean you plan on homeschooling?
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Quote from: coffeeandcigarette on April 06, 2023, 05:38:24 PM
Quote from: MushroomRooster on March 30, 2023, 08:04:12 PMI got married in 2021. My husband got baptized in the Catholic church but wasn't raised as one. We got married in the Catholic church and I will be converting in April. He has skepticism mostly about the Trinity and doesn't really like the Church in general. We attend mass weekly but I am afraid for how we can raise our kids Catholic if he's not on board. We're homeschooling and homesteading for reference. I'm also in my third trimester with our first baby and I will have it baptized right away. I have educated my husband in Catholicism and we read the Bible together (on the OT and finished the NT). I have kind of given up on convincing my husband since I've done a lot in the beginning but if he has questions, I try my best to answer them and educate myself.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, I can relate very well. I have heard of stories of people converting their spouses down the line but I feel like it would be ideal if my husband converted once we start educating our children.

How are you homeschooling if you are pregnant with your first? Do you mean you plan on homeschooling?

Yes, sorry, I plan on homeschooling. And we're currently homesteading.

diaduit

I married a non practicing Catholic, 20 years in and he goes to mass, doesn't interfere with my rearing the kids as Catholics and is a great back up on discipline, won't go against the teachings of the faith when I talk about something with the kids.  I pray hard and take penances for him and still ...zilch.  Every now and then I burn out and get weary so I just mentally put my burden in a basket and leave it at our Ladies feet and ask Her to take over, then I get strength from Her again and carry on.  He is a good husband and father, kind but it can be lonely when you want to talk about being in front of the Tabernacle and adoring God or chat about finding a lovely novena.
Someday....it will happen. :pray3: