Good Morning!!

[Chestertonian]

I don't have an inner Eleanor Roosevelt

[Bernadette]

Oh for goodness sakes

I know what daycare is and it's condescending of you to act as if I need a dictionary

There's a whole thread here about treating men with respect.

How do you think your husband would appreciate his   wife dropping him off at day care?  Do you think he'd have an easy time with that?  What about your grown sons

Or even daughters or yourself for that matter

I'd be fine with it.  But then, I realize that I see things like this considerably  differently from most people, so take that for what it's worth.  My point is: just because a majority of people have a problem with something, doesn't mean the problem is inherent in the thing itself. It doesn't mean that the problem is the people's fault, either: it just "is what it is." It's a common reaction, no more, no less. 

[Chestertonian]

One thing I'll say is... I want always physically disabled and back when I was [comparatively speaking]in a state of health?  The way I imagined living with a disability and my actual lived experience is very different

The things that I imagined would be the worst are actually not the worst.  Things that would jaceseemeeperipheral and inconsequential are a big deal to me. 

And it's not just me that finds it infabtilizing a lot of the other folks I've met in these programs feel the same way.  If anything that's a positive aspect of the program.. not being surrounded by normal people who don't get it and getting to hang out with people who have similar experience

ETA: terms like this affect how people view the disabled and I think they do damage not just to me individually

[Bernadette]

I don't have an inner Eleanor Roosevelt

My advice: get one. I didn't have one, either; or I'd just lost her for a long time.  Now that she's back, things are really looking up!  You're "in charge" (in a good way) of how you feel, Ches, to a very great degree: you get to decide how long you let negative feelings hang around before you start showing them the door; might take some time to get them actually moving toward the door, but that'll hopefully get easier with practice.

[Jayne]

Oh for goodness sakes

I know what daycare is and it's condescending of you to act as if I need a dictionary

There's a whole thread here about treating men with respect.

How do you think your husband would appreciate his   wife dropping him off at day care?  Do you think he'd have an easy time with that?  What about your grown sons

Or even daughters or yourself for that matter

I apologize for offending you.  I meant no disrespect.

I would not have a problem with myself or an adult family member attending a day care if we needed it.  I don't see anything inherently demeaning about the term.  I was hoping that my comments would help you to feel better about it.

[Carleendiane]

Good morning all. Coffee? Toast?

[Bernadette]

Tea, and wheat bread for me (as soon as my aunt wakes up and I can go and get it).

[Carleendiane]

Tea, and wheat bread for me (as soon as my aunt wakes up and I can go and get it).

Does auntie sleep in kitchen, bird?

[orate]

[Carleendiane]

Thanks Orate, but don't you find kitties cuter in a cup? I mean, they fit!

[Chestertonian]

Oh for goodness sakes

I know what daycare is and it's condescending of you to act as if I need a dictionary

There's a whole thread here about treating men with respect.

How do you think your husband would appreciate his   wife dropping him off at day care?  Do you think he'd have an easy time with that?  What about your grown sons

Or even daughters or yourself for that matter

I apologize for offending you.  I meant no disrespect.

I would not have a problem with myself or an adult family member attending a day care if we needed it.  I don't see anything inherently demeaning about the term.  I was hoping that my comments would help you to feel better about it.

I shall give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that you did not mean to say anything offensive.  has been a bit difficult to adjust to and still adjusting, I have done adult medical day care in the past,this program is much much much better but I do get hung up on the term because words mean things.  they just do. 

there's what the dictionary says, and there's the colloquial meaning...  let's be honest, most people when they see "day care" think of it as a place for the 0-5 year old crowd. Most people think fingerpainting, circle time, and nursery rhymes--and these are all well and good....for children.

i've never cared for the Eleanor Roosevelt platitude: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." it always set my BS-ometer off.  I believe words mean things.  If someone calls me a jerk face and I say "Well no one can make me feel like a jerk face without consent, so I'm going to change the meaning of 'jerk face' from 'bad person' to 'upstanding member of society.'"  No, it doesn't work.  I could say "Oh, but the person who called me a jerk face is a jerk face himself, so I don't care about his opinion" and I might be right, but it's different when the people who use the term you find objectionable are the same people who are responsible for your care and you place yourself in their hands for two days a week.  Unfortunately, they do matter.  And the words we use set the tone for the attitudes we have. it's a big reason why I hate the term "Behavioral Health" which is often used as a politically correct substitute for "mental health."  Not only is behavior the tip of the iceberg when it comes to someone's mental health, but for many people with mental illness--their behavior is not the problem.  It's entirely possible to live a "functional" life but feel like crap.

And sometimes using the right words can affirm the humanity of the people you're serving.  I did my undergraduate internship with a place in DC called "L'Arche" which is a christian organization serving people with intellectual disabilities.  There was a house for men and for women--the disabled folks were the "Core Members" because they were the "core" of the organization whereas the assistants only had 1 year commitments to live in the community.  In Geel a town in Belgium and birthplace of St Dymphna and home to a village centered around care for the mentally ill, the mentally ill folks are not"patients" they are "boarders." 

"no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" also puts the burden on the offended person--maybe if they weren't so darn sensitive they wouldn't be offended.   I don't think that institutions that use these terms should be let off so easily. it takes the burden off the person who chose to make the statement, letting them off the hook for considering the implication of their word choice.

I care about my 6 year old son's impression on this most of all.  i try to imagine how it must be for him, today, going downstairs with me and my wife walking me to the van that says "Adult Medical Day Care" on it in big blue letters.  what matters to me is the impression this leaves him with, about his father.  Most boys watch their fathers get ready to go to work in the morning.  my son watches his mom get me ready for "day care" in the morning so she can go to work...and that is how my children are growing up.  What a way to start the day.  in a traditional catholic context, this is nothing but an abomination.

[dymphna17]

Good morning, all!  Has anyone seen maryslittlegarden?  Her coffee iv is here but she is not.  What's up?

[Bernadette]

i've never cared for the Eleanor Roosevelt platitude

So find one that works for you. Or don't. Your choice.  I thought it might be helpful, but if it's not, nbd (at least, to me).

[Carleendiane]

Good morning, all!  Has anyone seen maryslittlegarden?  Her coffee iv is here but she is not.  What's up?

Good morning dymph. Nice of you to pop in! You little ray of sunshine!

[Chestertonian]

i've never cared for the Eleanor Roosevelt platitude

So find one that works for you. Or don't. Your choice.  I thought it might be helpful, but if it's not, nbd (at least, to me).

Yeah

I appreciate that you were at least trying to help