Thoughts on Adoption

[franciszver]

What are people's thoughts on adoption?

[Someone1776]

It's good to adopt?

[OCLittleFlower]

I think it can be a wonderful blessing, both for the adoptive parents and the child.

[Ben]

From the Coulter post:

In 1979, only about 600,000 babies were born out of wedlock and one quarter of them were put up for adoption. By 1991, the number of illegitimate births had doubled to 1,225,000 annually, but only 4 percent were allowed to be adopted — and most of those babies were snapped up by either Angelina Jolie or Mia Farrow. By 2003, 1.5 million illegitimate babies were born every year, but only about 14,000 of them, less than 1 percent, were put for adoption. Not surprisingly, unwed mothers who care enough to give their children up for adoption also come overwhelmingly from responsible backgrounds. They tend to have higher education and income levels and to come from intact upper-middle-class families with highly educated parents.

[Eliza]

What are people's thoughts on adoption?

For the family unable to concieve children, what a blessing it would be for both them and the adopted child.
One thing I will mention, though, is that in certain situations, the decision to adopt could be born of sin. I know of a family who didn't want to go through child birth (for selfish reasons) so instead they adopted.

[erin is nice]

I think adoption should be a last resort for children who absolutely cannot be raised by their real parents. I don't think it's a good idea for a woman to give up her child just because she isn't married, or because she is poor. Those situations are temporary, while giving up a child is permanent.

I also think that all adoptions should be open adoption, and open adoption should be protected by law and not something that adoptive parents can terminate at will.

[OCLittleFlower]

Personally I would not contract an open adoption, as I've seen it turn very sour.  I also don't think it's good to give someone contractual access to your child, especially someone you hardly know.

So I don't think it should be mandated -- especially as I have heard of birthmothers who want their identity to be cloaked for various reasons.

I also think that single mothers are rarely equipted to raise a child.  I've never seen a real life example of it working out -- at least no one I've known.

[stitchmom]

I think everything should be done first to help the mother parent her child. All the $$ that is spent on adoption. Why not use that to pay a  mother's rent for three years and help her? If they spend $30,000 at $800 a month for rent that would pay her rent for a little over 3 years. She could finish her GED and possible some time of short-term  clerical training at home too. I know there are cases where the mother may be incarcerated, if there is a relative available then they could be helped financially.
There are real horror stores out there how woman have been pressured and sometimes even tricked into giving up their babies up for adoption from crisis pregnancy organizations.
I also think every state law should be changed so a mother cannot relinquish her rights permanently until at least 3 months. She needs time to recover from childbirth.

[OCLittleFlower]

How about we give $30,000 to someone who wants to better themselves but doesn't have a history of poor judgement?  If people started paying 3 years of rent to girls who got pregnant, I fear it would have the same effect as that Teen Mom show -- where other girls think they can get money and attention because they are pregnant or had a baby at 16 or whatever.

http://www.popeater.com/2010/12/07/teen-mom-pregnant-auditions/

As far as the three months thing goes, that used to be the law here in California (now it's 30 days).  Do you really think it is fair to the adoptive parents to lose their child after three months minus a day? 

I don't think anyone should be tricked -- the word pressure is subjective, though.

[erin is nice]

I think everything should be done first to help the mother parent her child. All the $$ that is spent on adoption. Why not use that to pay a  mother's rent for three years and help her? If they spend $30,000 at $800 a month for rent that would pay her rent for a little over 3 years. She could finish her GED and possible some time of short-term  clerical training at home too. I know there are cases where the mother may be incarcerated, if there is a relative available then they could be helped financially.
There are real horror stores out there how woman have been pressured and sometimes even tricked into giving up their babies up for adoption from crisis pregnancy organizations.
I also think every state law should be changed so a mother cannot relinquish her rights permanently until at least 3 months. She needs time to recover from childbirth.

THIS! We have to remember that there are a lot of very intense hormonal changes immediately after giving birth, and it is not an appropriate time to make such a huge decision. Most women suffer some level of post-partum depression, how can they decide to give up their babies in that state?

I honestly don't care about "fairness" to adoptive parents. They should stop acting like they have the right to someone else's child just because they think she is "unfit".

Or is it more for the fit, less for the unfit, OCLF?

[kayla_veronica]

My mother gave my little brother up for adoption (I was three when he was born). My mom could barely get by with me, even with all the help we received from my grandparents. Until I was about 10 we received letters from the couple with updates and photos. It wasn't an open adoption but they did this out of kindness toward my mother.

I am very grateful he was spared the childhood that I had, and his adoptive parents loved him so much and received so much joy at being his parents.

He was pretty young when they told him he was adopted. He responded with, "My real mom must have loved me a lot to give me up so I could have you." (According to one of their letters). And that is really true. Giving a child up for adoption is an act of selfless love toward the child and an act of charity to the adoptive couple.

[kayla_veronica]

I honestly don't care about "fairness" to adoptive parents. They should stop acting like they have the right to someone else's child just because they think she is "unfit".

Or is it more for the fit, less for the unfit, OCLF?

Considering she is deeming herself unfit by giving the baby up, what good is it to ignore that fact?

[stitchmom]

Kayla, I'm not saying she can't place the baby with the couple she has chosen.
3 days postpartum is not a time to be signing off the permanent relinquishment of a child.

[stitchmom]

From the Coulter post:

In 1979, only about 600,000 babies were born out of wedlock and one quarter of them were put up for adoption. By 1991, the number of illegitimate births had doubled to 1,225,000 annually, but only 4 percent were allowed to be adopted — and most of those babies were snapped up by either Angelina Jolie or Mia Farrow. By 2003, 1.5 million illegitimate babies were born every year, but only about 14,000 of them, less than 1 percent, were put for adoption. Not surprisingly, unwed mothers who care enough to give their children up for adoption also come overwhelmingly from responsible backgrounds. They tend to have higher education and income levels and to come from intact upper-middle-class families with highly educated parents.

"who care enough"

Implying they care more than the ones who parent.

[kayla_veronica]

Kayla, I'm not saying she can't place the baby with the couple she has chosen.
3 days postpartum is not a time to be signing off the permanent relinquishment of a child.

Hasn't she already made the decision months before the child is born?