Thoughts on Adoption

[Archer]

Do you think the families adopting Romanian orphans are the same kind of people as those who want white American babies?

I just provided my first hand experience as evidence against your unsupported (and in my opinion insulting) claim that "most women looking to adopt are desperate and infertile."

I also asked you a question that I'll pose again.  If the vast majority of mothers, regardless of location, are as you say...loving, caring, nurturing, wonderful women who don't want to give up their children.... then why are millions of babies being violently killed? Why do most families consist of 2 or 3 kids and have mothers who use birth control to prevent their siblings from being born?

If you have statistics or are getting your information from some source please provide them or it.  Otherwise stop throwing these broad unsubstantiated statements out there and then acting hurt when people call you out.

[OCLittleFlower]

Do you think the families adopting Romanian orphans are the same kind of people as those who want white American babies?

Where are you coming from?

Romanians are white, too.  Last time I checked.  And if you're adopting an infant or young child, they'll speak the same language as you, too.

In fairness, some of them might be Roma/gypsy.  Over in Eastern Europe, they treat that as a significant difference.  I knew a family who adopted a Roma child from Russia and the judge really grilled them because of the racism -- did they really want a gypsy?  Don't they know that criminal acts are in their blood?  And other such rubbish.  It actually made them want to bring him to the US all the more...

[erin is nice]

I also asked you a question that I'll pose again.  If the vast majority of mothers, regardless of location, are as you say...loving, caring, nurturing, wonderful women who don't want to give up their children.... then why are millions of babies being violently killed? Why do most families consist of 2 or 3 kids and have mothers who use birth control to prevent their siblings from being born?

You don't have to be particularly "loving, caring, or nurturing" to not want to give up your baby or to regret giving up your baby. And using birth control doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad mother either-- most people haven't been taught that it's wrong, and the idea probably won't occur to them.

If you start doing some reading about post-adoption trauma, you start to see something very disturbing-- The things described, depression, suicide attempts, etc, sound eerily similar to what women are going through post-abortion.

I am not saying that orphans should be left to suffer in institutions. I just think that mothers and their babies should be kept together as much as possible, with giving up babies for adoption as the very last resort. And I don't think if a woman makes bad choices and gets pregnant outside of marriage, she "deserves" to suffer the loss of her baby.

http://www.firstmotherforum.com/
http://familypreservation.blogspot.com/

[Anastasia]

Do you think the families adopting Romanian orphans are the same kind of people as those who want white American babies?

I just provided my first hand experience as evidence against your unsupported (and in my opinion insulting) claim that "most women looking to adopt are desperate and infertile."

I also asked you a question that I'll pose again.  If the vast majority of mothers, regardless of location, are as you say...loving, caring, nurturing, wonderful women who don't want to give up their children.... then why are millions of babies being violently killed? Why do most families consist of 2 or 3 kids and have mothers who use birth control to prevent their siblings from being born?

If you have statistics or are getting your information from some source please provide them or it.  Otherwise stop throwing these broad unsubstantiated statements out there and then acting hurt when people call you out.

I don't really have anything on the adoption topic, but I wanted to comment on this side point. I think it's very much human nature to be loving and attached to a living being in front of us, this is the reason why some pro- lifegroups push ultrasounds before abortion. Because as long as children are potential ( in the case of contraception) or something they can't see or touch, it's easier to believe the lie that they're not human beings. But once these mothers actually see and can hold a child, then their natural responses kick in, they can finally " get it". The same woman who might have aborted a child six months ago would almost certainly not kill a newborn.

[kayla_veronica]

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U22Hik1ilUg&feature=youtu.be[/yt]

This is something I've found on the links you provided. This is horrible....obviously none of us arguing for adoption would condone this stuff.

I also did some reading on attachment disorders. They can happen from abuse or neglect as well. If a mother can't care for her child, they'd likely end up with very similar problems anyway, with less resources to get the help they needed to heal from it.

There are also a lot of risk factors for future child abuse, even if the mother loves her baby and gets some financial help.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/child-abuse?tab=Causes

A combination of individual, relational, community, and societal factors contribute to the risk of child maltreatment and abuse. Although children are not responsible for the harm inflicted upon them, certain individual characteristics have been found to increase their risk of being maltreated. Risk factors are contributing factors—not direct causes.

Examples of risk factors:

Disabilities or mental retardation in children that may increase caregiver burden
Social isolation of families
Parents' lack of understanding of children's needs and child development
Parents' history of domestic abuse
Poverty and other socioeconomic disadvantages, such as unemployment
Family disorganization, dissolution, and violence, including intimate partner violence
Lack of family cohesion
Substance abuse in family
Young, single nonbiological parents
Poor parent-child relationships and negative interactions
Parental thoughts and emotions supporting maltreatment behaviors
Parental stress and distress, including depression or other mental health conditions
Community violence

While the mother probably won't think about these risk factors, it is something to consider when talking about whether adoption is good or not.

[OCLittleFlower]

That's really sad, Kayla.

And it's one reason that private adoption through a reputable agency is in the best interests of the child, especially as compared to foster care.