Husband With Married Friend Who Sleeps With Other Women

Started by dymphna17, June 02, 2013, 10:49:04 AM

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dymphna17

June 02, 2013, 10:49:04 AM
Yeah, really.  This guy's wife is ok with him having many girlfriends.  I'm not ok with my Husband having this guy as a friend.  I'm not ok with the thought that he is ok with this man as his friend.  But I'm being the big bad guy saying no, it's not ok.  So now he has to tell this guy (Hubby has alot in common with him, not the women) he can't be friends cuz his wife won't let him.  That's not ok with me.  I don't want to be one of THOSE wives, but that's the position I've been put into.  Now what?  Is this Catholic?  Am I just being a witchy-poo?  I don't think so, but I'm being questioned.
?
I adore Thee O Christ, and I bless Thee, because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph save souls!

Of course I wear jeans, "The tornadoes can make dresses immodest." RSC

"Don't waste time in your life trying to get even with your enemies. The grave is a tremendous equalizer. Six weeks after you all are dead, you'll look pretty much the same. Let the Lord take care of those whom you think have harmed you. All you have to do is love and forgive. Try to forget and leave all else to the Master."– Mother Angelica

Sockpuppet

#1
June 02, 2013, 11:21:56 AM
Are you friends with any women that take birth control? 

Gottmitunsalex

#2
June 02, 2013, 11:28:13 AM
Your husband is doing the right thing by telling you, evidently, everything.
Looks like you have great communication. But seems like it is affecting you.
I gather that one strong "bond" your husband has with his buddy is alcohol.

Is this a correct assessment?
"Nothing is more miserable than those people who never failed to attack their own salvation. When there was need to observe the Law, they trampled it under foot. Now that the Law has ceased to bind, they obstinately strive to observe it. What could be more pitiable that those who provoke God not only by transgressing the Law but also by keeping it? But at any rate the Jews say that they, too, adore God. God forbid that I say that. No Jew adores God! Who say so? The Son of God say so. For he said: "If you were to know my Father, you would also know me. But you neither know me nor do you know my Father". Could I produce a witness more trustworthy than the Son of God?"  St. John Chrysostom  Sunday Homily

"The two goals of the Jews: The universal domination of the world and the destruction of Catholicism, out of hatred for Christ" --Mgr. Jouin

Fluffy

#3
June 02, 2013, 11:32:39 AM
What is involved in your husband being friends with him?  If your husband is going out with him on his dates with other women, I can definitely see that as problematic.  If they go and play golf together every other Saturday and there are other men there, I don't see that as a problem.

We have a friend kind of like this, but she is a woman.  She is more my husband's friend than mine, frankly because I don't care for her because of the way she lives.  But whenever he is around her, I am around him.  Usually at the bowling alley as many of our friends all go bowling.  There was a time when we were fighting and I noticed he had called her a few times.  He said he was just looking for someone to talk to and I believe him.  But I also took it up with her and I think she got the picture that she should keep her distance even if we are fighting.

OCLittleFlower

#4
June 02, 2013, 12:26:44 PM
I wouldn't worry about it too much.

1) Your husband isn't like that.

2) The friend isn't gay so your husband won't be in any occasion of sin.

3) Your husband will lose the ability to be a good influence on this man if he walks away totally.
-- currently writing a Trad romance entitled Flirting with Sedevacantism --

???? ?? ?????? ????????? ???, ?? ?????.

dymphna17

#5
June 02, 2013, 12:27:11 PM
Sockpuppet - ?  I don't understand the correlation, but no, I don't have any friends that are on birth control.

Gottmitunsalex - Oddly enough, no alcohol is not related.  Bars are but neither of these two drink, usually iced tea.  They both fly ultralight airplanes and have motorcycles.  We are going to Sturgis for the first time this year and this guy is bringing our stuff for us.  He rides a trike, followed by a camper and a trailer.  This way we just have to ride and don't need the chase vehicle.

Hubby and I have good communication, if I listen right.  I found a couple of years ago that I haven't been seeing and hearing what's been in front of me.  I'm trying to learn.  But I'm learning that I don't have a Catholic Husband and it's breaking my heart.  How to live like this?

Fluff - I ran into that a couple of years ago.  I don't have a vehicle to remedy the situation and have been told that I'm trying to control someone else's life (my Husbands) and that doesn't work.  Otherwise, I would definitely be ontop of it.  I am jealous by nature and now realize I have reason to be.  Except now I also have to realize how not to act like it.  Fortunately he still believes he can tell me these things and I won't kill anybody.  This man is not helping the situation.   :censor:
?
I adore Thee O Christ, and I bless Thee, because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph save souls!

Of course I wear jeans, "The tornadoes can make dresses immodest." RSC

"Don't waste time in your life trying to get even with your enemies. The grave is a tremendous equalizer. Six weeks after you all are dead, you'll look pretty much the same. Let the Lord take care of those whom you think have harmed you. All you have to do is love and forgive. Try to forget and leave all else to the Master."– Mother Angelica

dymphna17

#6
June 02, 2013, 12:28:32 PM
Quote from: OCLittleFlower on June 02, 2013, 12:26:44 PM
I wouldn't worry about it too much.

1) Your husband isn't like that.

2) The friend isn't gay so your husband won't be in any occasion of sin.

3) Your husband will lose the ability to be a good influence on this man if he walks away totally.

Is he being a good influence if he doesn't care about this guy sleeping around?
?
I adore Thee O Christ, and I bless Thee, because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph save souls!

Of course I wear jeans, "The tornadoes can make dresses immodest." RSC

"Don't waste time in your life trying to get even with your enemies. The grave is a tremendous equalizer. Six weeks after you all are dead, you'll look pretty much the same. Let the Lord take care of those whom you think have harmed you. All you have to do is love and forgive. Try to forget and leave all else to the Master."– Mother Angelica

OCLittleFlower

#7
June 02, 2013, 12:31:03 PM
Quote from: dymphna17 on June 02, 2013, 12:28:32 PM
Quote from: OCLittleFlower on June 02, 2013, 12:26:44 PM
I wouldn't worry about it too much.

1) Your husband isn't like that.

2) The friend isn't gay so your husband won't be in any occasion of sin.

3) Your husband will lose the ability to be a good influence on this man if he walks away totally.

Is he being a good influence if he doesn't care about this guy sleeping around?

Define "doesn't care."  I don't think he needs to mention it everytime he sees the guy or anything, but he should be fairly clear that he doesn't think it's a great thing.

Your husband isn't encouraging this, is he?

Also, I don't remember if your husband is a Traditionalist or not...
-- currently writing a Trad romance entitled Flirting with Sedevacantism --

???? ?? ?????? ????????? ???, ?? ?????.

Fluffy

#8
June 02, 2013, 12:48:11 PM
You cannot control your husband's life or actions, and the more you try to, the more conflict will develop in your relationship.  It isn't wrong of you to voice your concern, and to take what action you need to protect your own well being and that of your children.  But you cannot dictate who your husband is friends with.

What you can do is influence your husband, and in that endeavor, honey works better.

Mithrandylan

#9
June 02, 2013, 01:08:20 PM
In my opinion, people shouldn't keep familiar company with public sinners.  There's something about this sleezeball that allows him to be a sleezeball, an underlying principle that you wouldn't want your husband to 'catch' even if it doesn't manifest itself in unfaithfulness.

Of course, you don't have any authority to stop him.  Emulate St Monica, who prayed for her husbands conversion.  I know it's not conversion, but nevertheless it's serious.  Make your wishes known to him, and use reason.  Tell him why it's bad and wrong beyond the immediate impact it has on you.  Men generally respond more quickly to reason.

And we'll keep you in our Rosary intentions.
Ps 135

Quia in humilitáte nostra memor fuit nostri: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Et redémit nos ab inimícis nostris: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Qui dat escam omni carni: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Confitémini Deo cæli: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Confitémini Dómino dominórum: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.

For he was mindful of us in our affliction: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
And he redeemed us from our enemies: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
Who giveth food to all flesh: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
Give glory to the God of heaven: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
Give glory to the Lord of lords: * for his mercy endureth for ever.

-I retract any and all statements I have made that are incongruent with the True Faith, and apologize for ever having made them-

Gottmitunsalex

#10
June 02, 2013, 01:10:56 PM
It looks like his friend is not being public about it. He probably told the husband confidentially that he sleeps around.


"Nothing is more miserable than those people who never failed to attack their own salvation. When there was need to observe the Law, they trampled it under foot. Now that the Law has ceased to bind, they obstinately strive to observe it. What could be more pitiable that those who provoke God not only by transgressing the Law but also by keeping it? But at any rate the Jews say that they, too, adore God. God forbid that I say that. No Jew adores God! Who say so? The Son of God say so. For he said: "If you were to know my Father, you would also know me. But you neither know me nor do you know my Father". Could I produce a witness more trustworthy than the Son of God?"  St. John Chrysostom  Sunday Homily

"The two goals of the Jews: The universal domination of the world and the destruction of Catholicism, out of hatred for Christ" --Mgr. Jouin

Mithrandylan

#11
June 02, 2013, 01:13:43 PM
Quote from: Gottmitunsalex on June 02, 2013, 01:10:56 PM
It looks like his friend is not being public about it. He probably told the husband confidentially that he sleeps around.

The wife of the sleezeball knows and is 'OK' with it.  I am assuming that since she's OK with it, she's not making it a secret.

Ps 135

Quia in humilitáte nostra memor fuit nostri: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Et redémit nos ab inimícis nostris: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Qui dat escam omni carni: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Confitémini Deo cæli: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.
Confitémini Dómino dominórum: * quóniam in ætérnum misericórdia eius.

For he was mindful of us in our affliction: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
And he redeemed us from our enemies: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
Who giveth food to all flesh: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
Give glory to the God of heaven: * for his mercy endureth for ever.
Give glory to the Lord of lords: * for his mercy endureth for ever.

-I retract any and all statements I have made that are incongruent with the True Faith, and apologize for ever having made them-

dymphna17

#12
June 02, 2013, 01:43:34 PM
No, there's no secret about it.  He's proud of it and of his wife for being ok with it "since she has medical problems and I'm not old."  He has many "girlfriends" and likes to talk about it.  My philosophy has always been that if you hang around the skunk long enough, you're going to get the smell.  I don't like the smell and worry enough about my reputation and that of my family's to try to stop this.

My Dad isn't here to guide me or be my rock anymore, so I'm kind of flailing around trying to do the right thing.  You're spot on Fluffy, and I guess I have to be willing to waste any and all honey I can access.  St. Monica's the right saint to go to for that Mith.  I'm making myself sick over this with migraines and I have to stop.  Maybe give God some control back.  :) 

He's a traditionalist if I force it, OCLF.  Which I've been pathetically not doing it out of fear of losing him to someone more free and not holding him responsible.  I just don't know where to draw these lines.  I felt like this friendship with this guy was it.  Maybe not.
?
I adore Thee O Christ, and I bless Thee, because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph save souls!

Of course I wear jeans, "The tornadoes can make dresses immodest." RSC

"Don't waste time in your life trying to get even with your enemies. The grave is a tremendous equalizer. Six weeks after you all are dead, you'll look pretty much the same. Let the Lord take care of those whom you think have harmed you. All you have to do is love and forgive. Try to forget and leave all else to the Master."– Mother Angelica

dymphna17

#13
June 02, 2013, 01:44:19 PM
Thanks for your responses all.  I appreciate your time and attention.
?
I adore Thee O Christ, and I bless Thee, because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world!

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph save souls!

Of course I wear jeans, "The tornadoes can make dresses immodest." RSC

"Don't waste time in your life trying to get even with your enemies. The grave is a tremendous equalizer. Six weeks after you all are dead, you'll look pretty much the same. Let the Lord take care of those whom you think have harmed you. All you have to do is love and forgive. Try to forget and leave all else to the Master."– Mother Angelica

nmoerbeek

#14
June 02, 2013, 01:56:25 PM
I believe your husband should end this friendship, unless their is a necessity in it (for example they are coworkers and to abruptly end the relationship would cause undue hardship).  Also, your husband must consider if he is making a good effort to make his "friend" turn from his evil or if he is providing consent whether actively or passively through silence.

The three ways to destroy someone bad media (TV, books, Movies), bad friends, bad education.   

"But now I have written to you, not to keep company, if any man that is named a brother, be a fornicator, or covetous, or a server of idols, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner: with such a one, not so much as to eat." 1 Cor 5:11

If a person cannot be faithful to their wife, how in the world can they be a faithful friend? 
"Let me, however, beg of Your Beatitude...
not to think so much of what I have written, as of my good and kind intentions. Please look for the truths of which I speak rather than for beauty of expression. Where I do not come up to your expectations, pardon me, and put my shortcomings down, please, to lack of time and stress of business." St. Bonaventure, From the Preface of Holiness of Life.

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