"Don't You Want to Go to Communion?"

Penelope · September 24, 2016, 09:50:56 PM

I went to a funeral on Friday. Most reverent Novus Ordo I've ever witnessed, but still a Novus Ordo. I don't receive at the NO, so I quietly left my pew (which was in the back) and meandered around the rear of the church trying to hush my six-month-old, who, though perfectly content, had gotten quite vocal in the big, echo-y nave. As I was walking near the restroom and rear side exit, a woman waiting in line for the restroom asked, "Don't you want to go to Communion?"

"No, thank you," I replied, thinking that would be the end of the conversation.

"Oh, why not?" she pushed.

"Um. Hmm. Well, it's..." kind of a long story, I was going to say. I just trailed off and smiled at her, but I probably had an expression of incredulity on my face, too. How do you explain traditional Catholicism to someone in 30 seconds while they wait to use the bathroom? How do you explain that even if you were to go to Communion at an NO, you really ought to get to confession first? And who on earth thinks that this line of questioning is appropriate?

"Is everything okay??" she wanted to know.

"Yes, fine. Everything is fine." What else could I say? Thankfully the restroom opened up and I was able to escape to the opposite side of the church until after she left the restroom.

I just really have to wonder sometimes. Where do people like this come from? Who taught them their manners?

How would you respond in a similar situation? I just really had no words. I couldn't summon a response that would have been adequate. I wish I could've said something that would have left an impression on this woman, something that would have made her think about the importance of and reverence due to the Eucharist. But I don't know if that would've been possible given the circumstances.

verenaerin · September 24, 2016, 10:09:21 PM

I might have said that I need to get to confession first.

Or, I am not properly disposed.

Chestertonian · September 24, 2016, 10:24:59 PM

you arent obligated to explain period. it's not her business, never was

i had a priest once when i usedto go to daily mass at catholic university of america when i was taking classes there...therewere occasionallytimeswhen i wasn't well disposed to receive holy communion and he would single me out, and go up to where i was standing and try to get me to tke holy communin. i am not the only person who has experienced these pushy novus ordo priests. have heard stories like this from other people.. it makes them uncomfortable if you're the sort of catholic they see at daily mass but youdont receive for whatever reason

the only time i could see someone asking is if they are a very close family member or your pastor...your pastor may notice if you regularly attend the same church and you neer go to communion, or your spouse may notice,my wife always picks up on this st uff

MundaCorMeum · September 24, 2016, 10:28:56 PM

Quote from: Chestertonian on September 24, 2016, 10:24:59 PM
you arent obligated to explain period. it's not her business, never was

i had a priest once when i usedto go to daily mass at catholic university of america when i was taking classes there...therewere occasionallytimeswhen i wasn't well disposed to receive holy communion and he would single me out, and go up to where i was standing and try to get me to tke holy communin. i am not the only person who has experienced these pushy novus ordo priests. have heard stories like this from other people.. it makes them uncomfortable if you're the sort of catholic they see at daily mass but youdont receive for whatever reason

the only time i could see someone asking is if they are a very close family member or your pastor...your pastor may notice if you regularly attend the same church and you neer go to communion, or your spouse may notice,my wife always picks up on this st uff

Yeah, the only time I ask anyone if they are going is if I happen to stand up before my husband...mostly because I don't want to step over him, if he is, since he sits by the communion line aisle. If he says no, I leave it at that and go around him. I certainly don't pester him about it.

MundaCorMeum · September 24, 2016, 10:31:46 PM

Quote from: Penelope on September 24, 2016, 09:50:56 PM
I went to a funeral on Friday. Most reverent Novus Ordo I've ever witnessed, but still a Novus Ordo. I don't receive at the NO, so I quietly left my pew (which was in the back) and meandered around the rear of the church trying to hush my six-month-old, who, though perfectly content, had gotten quite vocal in the big, echo-y nave. As I was walking near the restroom and rear side exit, a woman waiting in line for the restroom asked, "Don't you want to go to Communion?"

"No, thank you," I replied, thinking that would be the end of the conversation.

"Oh, why not?" she pushed.

"Um. Hmm. Well, it's..." kind of a long story, I was going to say. I just trailed off and smiled at her, but I probably had an expression of incredulity on my face, too. How do you explain traditional Catholicism to someone in 30 seconds while they wait to use the bathroom? How do you explain that even if you were to go to Communion at an NO, you really ought to get to confession first? And who on earth thinks that this line of questioning is appropriate?

"Is everything okay??" she wanted to know.

"Yes, fine. Everything is fine." What else could I say? Thankfully the restroom opened up and I was able to escape to the opposite side of the church until after she left the restroom.

I just really have to wonder sometimes. Where do people like this come from? Who taught them their manners?

How would you respond in a similar situation? I just really had no words. I couldn't summon a response that would have been adequate. I wish I could've said something that would have left an impression on this woman, something that would have made her think about the importance of and reverence due to the Eucharist. But I don't know if that would've been possible given the circumstances.

Yeah, no...just no. I probably would've given her a weird look, too.

Kaesekopf · September 24, 2016, 10:40:46 PM

I can easily picture a well-meaning Catholic seeing a mother tending to a child in the back of church during Communion and being inquisitive on if they can help. Busybody ladies aren't exclusive to the NO, of course (you'll find them everywhere, even trad parishes, chapels, oratories, and Mass centers!).

You could have taken a few approaches, including "Oh, I haven't fasted since midnight", or simply said you're not prepared to receive Communion today.

Bonaventure · September 24, 2016, 11:24:51 PM

I usually say I haven't fasted. If I say not disposed or haven't gone to confession, people think I've committed murder.

Penelope · September 25, 2016, 12:04:37 AM

Nursing moms aren't expected to fast, so that wouldn't have worked for me. I haven't fasted since sometime in 2013. I didn't want to invite more questioning, either, you know? Things like, "Oh, I need to go to confession first" could lead to more inquiries into my personal life than I care to discuss with a stranger. She seemed really surprised that someone would opt out of Communion, like she'd never heard of a person doing so before.

I'm mostly surprised at the bold nature of the "Why not??" Did she truly not realize what a personal question that is? The whole conversation caught me off guard. I expected her to drop the matter after I said, "No, thank you" but she just seemed so confused, and I couldn't figure out how to politely tell her to mind her own business or how to say something catechetical that wouldn't confuse her further.

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LausTibiChriste · September 25, 2016, 12:04:43 AM

Quote from: Bonaventure on September 24, 2016, 11:24:51 PM
I usually say I haven't fasted. If I say not disposed or haven't gone to confession, people think I've committed murder.

I just tell 'em I murdered a prostitute

Penelope · September 25, 2016, 12:09:45 AM

Also, I just thought of what a dumb thing this is to ask. Like, yes, of course I -want- to go to Communion, but certain circumstances prohibit me from doing so at this time. But, again, that's a bit too nuanced for a 30-second bathroom line chitchat.

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LausTibiChriste · September 25, 2016, 12:35:44 AM

What's the point of this thread?

also

why DONT you receive at the NO?

james03 · September 25, 2016, 01:07:42 AM

That's kind of like asking someone what they confessed in confession. Not surprising now adays.

Tell them you are not disposed for communion. I wouldn't lie about it. If she pushes after that, tell her to kiss your arse.

Miriam_M · September 25, 2016, 01:11:05 AM

THIS:

Quote from: Chestertonian on September 24, 2016, 10:24:59 PM
you arent obligated to explain period. it's not her business, never was

We were trained to exercise custody of the eyes, heart, and mind over communicants. It is something between the Catholic and God. Even priests shouldn't speculate on why so-and-so isn't going to HC today, and good priests do not. My trad priest actually suggests that occasionally people refrain from HC as an act of reparation for all the sacrilegious HC's in the world -- including, possibly, their own. That would be an additional reason he would not even privately speculate, and certainly not publicly.

If it comes up, it should be initiated by the individual -- for example, it could come up in Confession if the penitent were inclining toward scruples and voicing "unworthiness" (despite Confession) to receive. The priest in that case could also discreetly bring it up if he suspects that this same person is depriving himself of the sacrament for unhealthy reasons. There are plenty of ways to address this within the confessional.

I'm sorry Ches and Penelope both experienced this. It's quite un-Catholic.

nmoerbeek · September 25, 2016, 12:29:09 PM

Where do people like that come from? Everywhere.
Who taught them their manners? Often times they were not taught manners, or just act on impulse.
How do I think it would be best to respond? "Please excuse me, I cannot talk right now." With a kind smile and a polite tone. Any further inquires could be greeted with "After Mass"

If you want to leave an impression though, you could try this.

"Pray for me, I am not worthy to receive". You can add on to that "the Most Holy Sacrament" or "Our Lord Jesus Christ in Holy Communion" etc.

Saint_Augustine · September 25, 2016, 01:38:19 PM

Yes you could say all those things and implicitly invoke the demon of vainglory, one of the worst. No matter which way you throw vanity it always lands with a spike standing up! I am vain in my humility, vain in my dress, vain in my speech, vain when recognizing vanity, vain in my sin, vain in imagining myself truly repentant, etc.

Can you imagine being scrupulous about vanity while being consumed with it? Saints preserve us! It's a wicked demon.