Workplace Lunch Etiquette

[LuxVera]

What is one (such as myself) supposed to do when a "higher up"(?)-not necessarily a manager, but someone who is "in charge" (of "everyone" working) when your manager is not there-is eating lunch with you and a few other co-workers *every single work day*?

This is the first job I've ever had where everyone takes a lunch break at the same time, so I'm usually stuck sharing the same table with at least 1 or 2 other co-workers (in the past, all four or five of us at one table)?

But we have a new co-worker (I think last 2 months) who is, again "in-charge" and leagues above us in social standing, money-making, workplace professionalism, etc. (probably makes about $140K at least per year). New co-worker appears to have a social personality even when not working.

I'm of the opinion that managers/higher-ups/etc. shouldn't eat lunch with us peasants unless it's like for some work-related business or special occasion (birthday? Workplace anniversary?); it doesn't sit well with me at all to do it on a regular and consistent basis. I also have a feeling this behavior won't last much longer. When you make lots of money you are in a different atmosphere compared to the daily struggles of your underlings.

But I also realize people who make more money than you do professionally have feelings too. There has been at least 1 or 2 occasions where new "in-charge" lady asked me "you don't mind if I eat my lunch with you?" I mean, I could flat out say "no" but I also realize it would be rude for me to respond in such a way. And the rare times when I'm sitting alone at lunch, new lady will just come over and sit at the same table as me anyway. She does what she wants, but I also don't want her to be my "friend".

I'm sorry if this is a long post, but maybe this is specifically a woman thing? I know us women want to socialize with other women (to be honest this has really not been the case for me at all; it doesn't help I am "on the spectrum" too-which other women usually are not) but when you're in a different atmosphere of social standing, I think it's more  appropriate to be amongst your "own kind."

[drummerboy]

Hmm....that was, and often still is, a convention.  An employee's break is considered personal time and a manager joining them could be seen as work intruding on personal time, or even the supervisor "supervising" your lunch.  Is she young, that she might be unaware of this custom?  Or it simply could be, from what you're saying, that she's trying to be friendly, or is even lonely.  In that case, perhaps a kind word along the lines that lunch is your only time to destress during the day and you need some space, might do it.  Not sure how a woman would take it though-we men still haven't figured out a woman's mind 

[ChairmanJoeAintMyPrez]

This is normal.

Try reading a book or putting in headphones and listening to a podcast.  It's not guaranteed to work, but it's a start.

[LuxVera]

Hmm....that was, and often still is, a convention.  An employee's break is considered personal time and a manager joining them could be seen as work intruding on personal time, or even the supervisor "supervising" your lunch.  Is she young, that she might be unaware of this custom?  Or it simply could be, from what you're saying, that she's trying to be friendly, or is even lonely.  In that case, perhaps a kind word along the lines that lunch is your only time to destress during the day and you need some space, might do it.  Not sure how a woman would take it though-we men still haven't figured out a woman's mind 

This is a very backstabbing work environment...you will be thrown under the boss for just about anything by anybody (it has happened to me multiple times here). Your co-workers are not your friends; they are not to be trusted. Personally, I think she is just trying to be friendly because that is part of her personality...but it's highly possible there are ulterior motives.

Plus, a few of those that have power in this place don't seem to like her (for their own reasons). So that's possibly one reason why she might want to sit in the lunch room with me (and usually another work friend of mine), because I don't despise her?

[Michael Wilson]

From what you are telling us, it sounds like she needs at least a non-hostile person to eat with. Just treat her with kindness. You also need an ally in this place.

[diaduit]

You never know, you might like her and there is a bonus too, she might be able to get those other lesbian wenches off your back.  I'd cozy up.

[james03]

This is a very backstabbing work environment...

Interesting.

Personally, I think she

Oh, ok.  I get it.

There's an old saying, it's lonely at the top.  I've been in supervision.  Eating regularly with those under you is not a good idea.  It makes your job harder.  You might have to discipline them at some point.  Once in awhile is ok, but generally the company springs for free food and turns it into an event to get better communications.  But you should already have good communications with direct reports, and you should never communicate with employees who report to your direct reports, as you are breaking chain of command.  Another big mistake.

Anyhow, when I was in supervision, I'd hang out with the accountant, or planning department (I was in operations).  I liked my men a lot, but I understood that I couldn't be their friend.

As for you, be pleasant, but don't engage.  I like the idea of listening to a podcast mentioned above.  And keep your eyes open for another job where men are in charge.  You'll like it a lot more.

[james03]

So that's possibly one reason why she might want to sit in the lunch room with me (and usually another work friend of mine), because I don't despise her?

Yeah, sometimes the simple explanation is the correct one.  You are Catholic and will attract people in situations like this, because you will give off the vibe that you don't back stab -- at least not as much.

Female managers are always surrounded by high drama, gossiping, and back stabbing.  Men should avoid that situation, but most women in polls also admit they are much happier working for men.

[Bonaventure]

Any way you can go someplace else to rest/relax/eat??