Giving advice in response to prayer requests

Started by Jayne, May 25, 2017, 05:51:25 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Jayne

A post in one of the prayers threads has triggered a discussion about unsolicited advice in response to prayer requests and in general.
http://www.suscipedomine.com/forum/index.php?topic=16992.msg394934#msg394934

There is no question that people give advice in the prayer forum out of concern and caring.  Some, however, find it annoying to be given advice when they request prayers.  If enough people feel that way, perhaps there should be a sticky in the prayer subforum to discourage it.

I think it would be helpful for us to give input and opinions on this in order for KK to make a decision about it.
Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine.

OCLittleFlower

#1
I think it would be clearer if people wanting advice posted about their issues in other sections of the forum, even if that means having two threads.  Very general things like "hang in there" or "give it to Our Lord," are one thing -- but specific advice, especially specific MEDICAL advice that isn't solicited by the OP, becomes one more thing the poster in need of prayers has to deal with. Frankly, it's rather rude in a way.

I have seen other forums solve this by saying people should give such advice in PM -- that seems even more annoying, however.  Perhaps the best way for people to handle it is to say, "If you want my advice, I know of a technique/supplement/method and if you want specifics, please PM me."

Personally, I am ticked that 2 posters hijacked my prayer thread with advice that is actually ILLEGAL (marijuana is not yet fully legal in California, at least not without a "prescription" -- yes, it is easy to lie and manipulate the system, but although unenforceable, this is illegal and wrong) and useless (sure, it might make someone think they are less stressed, but it won't get things done for you, quite the opposite, or change any underlying situations).

And hey, even if I was so inclined to take such advice, I would be concerned that such a substance would turn me into a bandwagon leader who posts nonsensically and hijacks prayer threads to be about his drug of choice.  ;)
-- currently writing a Trad romance entitled Flirting with Sedevacantism --

???? ?? ?????? ????????? ???, ?? ?????.

OCLittleFlower

Quote from: Jayne on May 25, 2017, 05:51:25 AM

There is no question that people give advice in the prayer forum out of concern and caring.

I think some people do so out of concern and caring, yes.  I do strongly suspect that sometimes it's about trolling other posters.
-- currently writing a Trad romance entitled Flirting with Sedevacantism --

???? ?? ?????? ????????? ???, ?? ?????.

PerEvangelicaDicta

Mea maxima culpa.

Fwiw, it is indeed from a place of caring and love.  Ya'll know what I mean when I say we (esp as traditional Catholics united in the Faith) come to love each other as family. The best family of all, in fact.  But, the road to hell is paved with good intentions  :P  thus, say no more.

I just want to note:  I happened to mention CBD hemp oil as an excellent health supplement for certain reasons, for any who wanted to explore, but this is NOT marijuana, and is legal in every state. (not that you were necessarily saying that, OCLF, but some do confuse it). 
They shall not be confounded in the evil time; and in the days of famine they shall be filled
Psalms 36:19

Gardener

One way to avoid advice is to avoid giving details about the prayer need. This also cuts out prayer requests as a sort of occult gossip source.

From a perspective of personal identity security, this is also sound reasoning, as enough crumbs make a slice of bread. For psychopaths, etc., conveying weakness and weak points serve as a tool of being manipulated and groomed for being one of their victims.

"If anyone does not wish to have Mary Immaculate for his Mother, he will not have Christ for his Brother." - St. Maximilian Kolbe

PerEvangelicaDicta

Upon reflection, going forward, I will still diligently read the requests, and offer my humble prayers, but will refrain from posting there.

God bless you all!  :pray1:

They shall not be confounded in the evil time; and in the days of famine they shall be filled
Psalms 36:19

Kaesekopf

Or just ignore posts you don't like.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk

Wie dein Sonntag, so dein Sterbetag.

I am not altogether on anybody's side, because nobody is altogether on my side.  ~Treebeard, LOTR

Jesus son of David, have mercy on me.

PerEvangelicaDicta

Kaes, I've not been annoyed by anyone, so no need to ignore any posts, but others seem to be annoyed. I may or may not have contributed to it, but no matter.  I'll pray from afar  :) 
They shall not be confounded in the evil time; and in the days of famine they shall be filled
Psalms 36:19

Kaesekopf

Quote from: PerEvangelicaDicta on May 25, 2017, 12:20:26 PM
Kaes, I've not been annoyed by anyone, so no need to ignore any posts, but others seem to be annoyed. I may or may not have contributed to it, but no matter.  I'll pray from afar  :)
Oh, my reply was to the thread in general, not to you necessarily. 

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk

Wie dein Sonntag, so dein Sterbetag.

I am not altogether on anybody's side, because nobody is altogether on my side.  ~Treebeard, LOTR

Jesus son of David, have mercy on me.

Non Nobis

#9
Quote from: PerEvangelicaDicta on May 25, 2017, 12:20:26 PM
Kaes, I've not been annoyed by anyone, so no need to ignore any posts, but others seem to be annoyed. I may or may not have contributed to it, but no matter.  I'll pray from afar  :)

God certainly hears prayers from afar, and that definitely is the main point.  But I think seeing posts in the prayer intentions thread lets people know that someone is praying for them, which is a good thing too. Isn't that one purpose for the prayer intentions thread, besides just asking for prayers?

Is there a problem with just posting a smiley?

Of course it is optional and the main thing is to pray.  :)

(Or did I misunderstand your post?)

[Matthew 8:26]  And Jesus saith to them: Why are you fearful, O ye of little faith? Then rising up he commanded the winds, and the sea, and there came a great calm.

[Job  38:1-5]  Then the Lord answered Job out of a whirlwind, and said: [2] Who is this that wrappeth up sentences in unskillful words? [3] Gird up thy loins like a man: I will ask thee, and answer thou me. [4] Where wast thou when I laid up the foundations of the earth? tell me if thou hast understanding. [5] Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?

Jesus, Mary, I love Thee! Save souls!

PerEvangelicaDicta

QuoteIs there a problem with just posting a smiley?

You're so sweet!

I'd say 90+% of the time I merely post praying hands.  On occasion I. like many others, may offer an additional comment re: sympathy or empathy.  I notice the pattern of empathy follows one's experience, and we may kindly note what helped us when in a similar situation.  I think EVERYONE gets enthusiastic when we hear someone struggling and we think maybe we may have a possible solution.  It's a thoughtful thing to try to help, and I just don't understand the undercurrent of nastiness that's suddenly appeared, especially on a traditional Catholic forum.  It's just not logical to me.

Dare I say it?  It all seems so darned petty.  I was raised with a houseful of brothers so I don't identify well with this female tendency and I get impatient with it.   The male member who took the recent brunt didn't deserve it, imho.

But I do take the obligation to pray for my Catholic family very seriously and will continue to do so.
They shall not be confounded in the evil time; and in the days of famine they shall be filled
Psalms 36:19

Jayne

Quote from: PerEvangelicaDicta on May 25, 2017, 11:04:46 AM
Upon reflection, going forward, I will still diligently read the requests, and offer my humble prayers, but will refrain from posting there.

God bless you all!  :pray1:

I appreciate your comments in general and in response to prayer requests.  It is very clear to me that you have good intentions. 

OCLF has made some very negative comments, but, since she is under a lot of stress right now, I suspect she is especially irritable.   I know that it has that effect on me.
Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine.

Chestertonian

i have some mixed feelings about these little tidbits of advice.  It's certainly not limited to the prayer section at SD--it happens wherever people congregate, I find.   And it's not just limited to subjects of illness--people do this when talking about everything from weight loss, to having a new baby in the house and other situations. 

I'm not sure if a rule or sticky message is necessary--this seems to be a suggestion of Jayne's and not anything that I or OC or St Drogo asked for.  I think a good idea would be to use courtesy, and ask if people are looking for suggestions for alternative treatments before just volunteering.  I will say that while I've received all manner of suggestions from people, I won't say that I'm 100% against suggestions and advice because there have been times when people have suggested things to me that I never considered before, and actually proved to be useful.  Or sometimes people would mention things that helped them cope in similar situations, and it was helpful to hear that perspective.  And then people over the years have givenme some pretty wacky advice, like rubbing breastmilk on a stage 4 pressure sore.  I don't think policing this would make the prayer section a better place, though...I don't think that's the answer. 
"I am not much of a Crusader, that is for sure, but at least I am not a Mohamedist!"

Jayne

Putting a sticky on the subforum does not seem like "policing" to me. If, for example, there is a consensus that it is a good idea to "ask if people are looking for suggestions for alternative treatments before just volunteering," then that information needs to be somewhere it will be seen.  We can't just expect people to know it.

Policing would be having a rule and enforcing it.  I see this as different from offering information about forum conventions or expectations. 
Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like unto Thine.

Carleendiane

Actually, this conversation is enough to raise awareness about this...ummmmmm...problem....no not problem.....ummmmmm....issue....yes issue. Just this simple conversation will make one think twice before advising, where advice may not be wanted. But, at least this is just a matter of good will and charity, possibly gone amok. But without harm done. Possibly a bit of irritation but no harm. Sure not one of the worst things that can happen on a forum! Right Kaese?
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.