Flattery is a Sin

Started by TerrorDæmonum, August 09, 2022, 01:39:22 PM

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TerrorDæmonum

Quote from: Summa Theologica, Second Part of the Second Part, Question 115
Article 1. Whether flattery is a sin?

On the contrary, A gloss on Ezekiel 13:18, "Woe to them that sew cushions under every elbow," says, "that is to say, sweet flattery." Therefore flattery is a sin.

I answer that, As stated above (II-II:114:1 ad 3), although the friendship of which we have been speaking, or affability, intends chiefly the pleasure of those among whom one lives, yet it does not fear to displease when it is a question of obtaining a certain good, or of avoiding a certain evil. Accordingly, if a man were to wish always to speak pleasantly to others, he would exceed the mode of pleasing, and would therefore sin by excess. If he do this with the mere intention of pleasing he is said to be "complaisant," according to the Philosopher (Ethic. iv, 6): whereas if he do it with the intention of making some gain out of it, he is called a "flatterer" or "adulator." As a rule, however, the term "flattery" is wont to be applied to all who wish to exceed the mode of virtue in pleasing others by words or deeds in their ordinary behavior towards their fellows.

Article 2. Whether flattery is a mortal sin?

On the contrary
, Augustine in a sermon on Purgatory (xli, de Sanctis) reckons among slight sins, "if one desire to flatter any person of higher standing, whether of one's own choice, or out of necessity."

I answer that, As stated above (II-II:112:2), a mortal sin is one that is contrary to charity. Now flattery is sometimes contrary to charity and sometimes not. It is contrary to charity in three ways. First, by reason of the very matter, as when one man praises another's sin: for this is contrary to the love of God, against Whose justice he speaks, and contrary to the love of his neighbor, whom he encourages to sin. Wherefore this is a mortal sin, according to Isaiah 5:20. "Woe to you that call evil good." Secondly, by reason of the intention, as when one man flatters another, so that by deceiving him he may injure him in body or in soul; this is also a mortal sin, and of this it is written (Proverbs 27:6): "Better are the wounds of a friend than the deceitful kisses of an enemy." Thirdly, by way of occasion, as when the praise of a flatterer, even without his intending it, becomes to another an occasion of sin. On this case it is necessary to consider, whether the occasion were given or taken, and how grievous the consequent downfall, as may be understood from what has been said above concerning scandal (II-II:43:4). If, however, one man flatters another from the mere craving to please others, or again in order to avoid some evil, or to acquire something in a case of necessity, this is not contrary to charity. Consequently it is not a mortal but a venial sin.

AlNg

Thomas Aquinas was not a married man and he doesn't know how some wives can be very sensitive to the unkind words of a husband. If she asks him how she looks, the best thing for him to say is to lie and say she looks ok in her new outfit instead of telling the truth and saying that her new outfit is terrible and makes her look shabby and run down. So as a celibate man with no experience with a difficult wife, he is wrong here if he says flattery is always a sin.

The Curt Jester

Quote from: AlNg on August 09, 2022, 02:31:46 PM
Thomas Aquinas was not a married man and he doesn't know how some wives can be very sensitive to the unkind words of a husband. If she asks him how she looks...

If she doesn't want a truthful answer, then she shouldn't ask the question.  If the man answers honestly, then it's not unkind, and certainly not if SHE IS THE ONE WHO ASKED FOR THAT OPINION.
The royal feast was done; the King
Sought some new sport to banish care,
And to his jester cried: "Sir Fool,
Kneel now, and make for us a prayer!"

The jester doffed his cap and bells,
And stood the mocking court before;
They could not see the bitter smile
Behind the painted grin he wore.

He bowed his head, and bent his knee
Upon the Monarch's silken stool;
His pleading voice arose: "O Lord,
Be merciful to me, a fool!"

Julio

Yes and a husband who does not speak the truth is a liar and that is sinning.

clau clau

#4


**** me. The neighbourhood troll is back with a ******* vengeance tonight.
Father time has an undefeated record.

But when he's dumb and no more here,
Nineteen hundred years or near,
Clau-Clau-Claudius shall speak clear.
(https://completeandunabridged.blogspot.com/2009/06/i-claudius.html)

coffeeandcigarette

#5
Quote from: AlNg on August 09, 2022, 02:31:46 PM
Thomas Aquinas was not a married man and he doesn't know how some wives can be very sensitive to the unkind words of a husband. If she asks him how she looks, the best thing for him to say is to lie and say she looks ok in her new outfit instead of telling the truth and saying that her new outfit is terrible and makes her look shabby and run down. So as a celibate man with no experience with a difficult wife, he is wrong here if he says flattery is always a sin.

First of all, I have never in my life asked my hubby how I looked in an outfit. I have two eyes, I have taste, I know exactly how I look. If I have put effort into looking pretty for him, I don't need him to say it, he has two eyes, and I know he sees it. I honestly don't know why anyone would do this. Women are not idiots, they know exactly what they look like. Ten extra pounds, ugly shoes, needs a little make-up...they see it all. Why the need to have someone say out loud what you already know?? If you look good, you already know it, why do you need to egg a guy on to hear it? If you look bad, why are you setting a guy up by asking? What do you want him to say?
  The only time I ever ask him anything is the inevitable "is this a little tight at the back" question. Modestly is where I will ask him to give my an opinion, because I think the way his mind works helps me figure out grey areas. However, it is not a setup. If he says it is too tight, I take it off and put it back in the closet. No harm no foul.