Dating a non-Catholic

[UA1997]

I met a girl online on a pen pal website. We quickly became good friends and then we developed feelings for each other. We decided to be in a relationship after much debating since she lives in Mexico and the distance could be an issue . She is everything I look for in a girl. Shes family oriented, waiting for marriage, good morals etc. I felt this relationship had real potential to become something more in the future. She then told me she was not Catholic. She was raised Catholic  but her family converted to being Baptists when she was 8. We talk about marriage but religion is a real issue. I will not convert or even consider it. She says she feels the same way about her religion. She says she knows "enough" about Catholicism and doesn't "want to go back to that". I have talked to Bonaventure (he led me to this site) and he says she has to convert, no compromise. I feel the same way but I don't want to lose this great relationship.

[Archer]

Is she worth risking your soul and the souls of your future children for?

There are many fish in the sea that are worth waiting for. If she will not convert then pray for her, but don't spend any more time thinking about her as anything other than a friend.

[Penelope]

Obtain a green scapular and mail it to her (get it blessed by a priest first). Pray for her conversion every day. Pray to St. Augustine and St. Monica. Offer rosaries for her. Light candles at church. Avoid getting too romantically involved with her for now. Maintain a friendship, but it would be prudent to keep things merely at a friendship level for the time being. What you may eventually find is that she won't convert (at least, not on a timeline that is acceptable to you) or that you've invested a great deal of time and energy into a girl who you won't be able to marry. But what you'll have done for her is far more worthwhile than any relationship can be--you'll have prayed for the salvation of her soul, and I don't think that that could ever be in vain.

Also, welcome to SD.

[Kaesekopf]

Easy answer.

Go to seminary.

[Bonaventure]

Pray and hope for the best. If she shows no sincere interest in even considering conversion, there's not much you can do.

[poche]

You have to make a choice

[LouisIX]

Is she worth risking your soul and the souls of your future children for?

There are many fish in the sea that are worth waiting for. If she will not convert then pray for her, but don't spend any more time thinking about her as anything other than a friend.

I think this is the best advice.  Perhaps your prayers for her will be efficacious and she will convert.  If so, great.  Until then, you need to move on.  If not, you'll be hoping for her conversion for at least somewhat selfish reasons, and you'll be sitting and waiting around for it while missing out on other opportunities.

These situations are not easy, and I do not envy your position.  It's important to guard the heart and to court only Catholics for this reason.  It helps in the long run.

I wish you the best.  As Archer said, do not despair.  There are a lot of great Catholic women out there ready for a relationship and marriage.

[OCLittleFlower]

Welcome to SD!

The following is just my personal opinion:

Tying a conversion and marriage isn't a good idea.  It places both the conversion and the relationship on shaky ground.  My advice, hard as it is, is to walk away and remain her friend.  Do not hope for more.  If she later converts, you may consider it, of course, but don't hang your hopes on her.

[Greg]

I met a girl online on a pen pal website. We quickly became good friends and then we developed feelings for each other. We decided to be in a relationship after much debating since she lives in Mexico and the distance could be an issue . She is everything I look for in a girl. Shes family oriented, waiting for marriage, good morals etc. I felt this relationship had real potential to become something more in the future. She then told me she was not Catholic. She was raised Catholic  but her family converted to being Baptists when she was 8. We talk about marriage but religion is a real issue. I will not convert or even consider it. She says she feels the same way about her religion. She says she knows "enough" about Catholicism and doesn't "want to go back to that". I have talked to Bonaventure (he led me to this site) and he says she has to convert, no compromise. I feel the same way but I don't want to lose this great relationship.

Have you actually met her yet, or just corresponded?

[Greg]

Here is some advice from the Chairman of the board. 

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMPUqaIVPAo[/yt]

[Mithrandylan]

I met a girl online on a pen pal website. We quickly became good friends and then we developed feelings for each other. We decided to be in a relationship after much debating since she lives in Mexico and the distance could be an issue . She is everything I look for in a girl. Shes family oriented, waiting for marriage, good morals etc. I felt this relationship had real potential to become something more in the future. She then told me she was not Catholic. She was raised Catholic  but her family converted to being Baptists when she was 8. We talk about marriage but religion is a real issue. I will not convert or even consider it. She says she feels the same way about her religion. She says she knows "enough" about Catholicism and doesn't "want to go back to that". I have talked to Bonaventure (he led me to this site) and he says she has to convert, no compromise. I feel the same way but I don't want to lose this great relationship.

Have you actually met her yet, or just corresponded?

Thaaaat's the half a million dollar question.

Better meet her first, if you haven't.  At least once.  Might want to make sure she's not an uggo before you lose too much sleep over her.

Mixed marriages are warned against by the Church.  They're usually really, really bad.  You have an obligation to raise children in the faith.  This woman, as a non-Catholic, is an objective threat to that obligation as long as she isn't a practicing Catholic.  She is a threat to your own faith. 

I hope it works out.  But if she refuses to become Catholic, you're so much better off looking elsewhere. 

[erin is nice]

Better meet her first, if you haven't.  At least once.  Might want to make sure she's not an uggo before you lose too much sleep over her.

The fact that she's not Catholic is far more important than looks. Even if she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, you shouldn't date a non-Catholic.

Very shallow, Mith.

[Mithrandylan]

Better meet her first, if you haven't.  At least once.  Might want to make sure she's not an uggo before you lose too much sleep over her.

The fact that she's not Catholic is far more important than looks. Even if she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen, you shouldn't date a non-Catholic.

Very shallow, Mith.

Didn't say otherwise did I?

If he's not attracted to her then the issue of converting her becomes far more simple.  Give her a few books and wish her well

[Greg]

I suspect he has seen pictures of her if he has corresponded with her over weeks or months.

If she has a Facebook account he might have seen pictures of every few months of her life.

Just seemed to me from what the OP UA1997 wrote that he might not have met her.

Young people, especially earnest young men, tend to get very excited at the prospect of finding a suitable wife and think they are further advanced along the getting-to-know-you chain than they are and distance correspondence is famous for it.

[Bonaventure]

Here is some advice from the Chairman of the board. 

[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMPUqaIVPAo[/yt]

Haha this is great.