It's So Hard To Love My Wife

[Bernadette]

Wait, so now you love your wife? I'm confused.

[Greg]

Feels like a bunch of redditors got on here to flame me lol.

Please don't take it down though, mods.

Because I do love my Wife and want to love her more, I came to the only corner of the internet (fellow trad caths) I can actually trust and think can help.

Why do you think we can help?

[james03]

I would try to set up an appointment for your confession, so he can give you as much time as necessary, ask follow-up questions, etc.

This is the best advice.  The opposite of love is not hatred, it is indifference.  And you still have some hatred you have to deal with.  And obviously you HAVEN'T forgiven your wife.  You've just accepted the situation.  That's not good for your kids.

As for the in-laws, you don't owe them anything.

[Trad_Anon_John]

I'm confused by the knee jerk animosity some posters have toward OP.

Thanks lol, I was beginning to question my own sanity reading some of these...

[diaduit]

Any chance you can answer my questions? obviously you don't have to.

[tradne4163]

Sounds like you need to examine yourself and go to confession about your struggle to love. I sense feelings of hurt and betrayal in your post. That's understandable when a big revelation like what you described was dropped on you.

I'm not saying you're in mortal sin, since I am not in any position to judge such a thing. However, Confession is a sacrament of healing, and brother you are in dire need of healing. And if you can't think of any actual sins to confess (again I do not presume to judge what there may be) you can say something like " I renew my sorrow for my past sins of [or against] x." I personally recommend putting sins against love, as virtually every person has done those and that category is relevant to your struggle here.
Next, keep seeking opportunities for acts of charity towards your wife. It doesn't matter the size or nature. Our Lord did once promise a prophet's reward for giving someone a glass of water, after all. And don't stop doing such things.

Love, properly speaking, is a choice as another person has pointed out. What I've advised above helps point a person in that direction. I would also recommend talking to either the pastor of your parish or a trusted priest as well. He'll probably have insights I nor anyone else here can give. I know you're busy with a long work week. This is important enough to fight for the time. It will poison your marriage and family life if you leave it as is.

I hope this is helpful.