Dad's aortic valve replacement

[Bernadette]

My Dad is slowly convincing himself (with the help of Google), NOT to have his aortic valve replaced. If he doesn't have the surgery, his valve will just stop pumping blood. Or he could have a stroke. It's almost as if he's just wanting to give up and die. He keeps insisting that he's fine. He doesn't sound depressed or anything. I did my best to convince him, but it was incredibly stressful. I wanted a cigarette afterwards, and I don't even smoke. I guess I just have to let go, and let him do what he wants. But it's so hard, watching him do unhealthy things.

[Bonaventure]

I am sorry.

The only recourse we have is prayer and having honest conversation.

My father did not take care of his health and died young. I would do anything to go back in time and beg him to care for himself and make changes. However, we aren't responsible for their actions.

[LausTibiChriste]

Men are that way for the most part. You want to scare me out of a habit because of "health reasons"? I'll double that habit the minute you're done with your diatribe. Men don't give a shit - it's why we'll happily seek out war even though it's incredibly dangerous.

My Dad was pretty good about his health and kicked it at 63 when his aorta exploded.

The only advice I would have is don't focus on *his* health, he doesn't give a shit. Try focusing his attention on those who care for him: you, for example. Things he actually loves.

I thought I was tough shit and nothing would affect me until Dad died. Turns out I was a train wreck. I think if Dad knew that after the fact, he may have listened when I told him the booster is stupid and would probably kill him.

But at the end of the day, we have to detach. As Bonaventure says, we aren't responsible for their actions.

[Melkor]

Sad but true. 🎶... (Metallica is for the swine I just know the reference lol)

Bonny and Laus are right. And now I gotta go drink something cause hell I can't believe I said that.

[Bonaventure]

Men are that way for the most part. You want to scare me out of a habit because of "health reasons"? I'll double that habit the minute you're done with your diatribe. Men don't give a shit - it's why we'll happily seek out war even though it's incredibly dangerous.

It's true. We don't give a shit.

My Dad was pretty good about his health and kicked it at 63 when his aorta exploded.

The only advice I would have is don't focus on *his* health, he doesn't give a shit. Try focusing his attention on those who care for him: you, for example. Things he actually loves.

Yep, and it works. What motivates me to do that workout when I'm dead beat, didn't have a good night's sleep, and its dark out? To put that extra helping or extra drink down? To get my bloodwork done? Why I begged God to get me out of enforcement and into a desk job, which He handed me on a silver platter?

This little boy, my splitting image.

As one who was just a teenager when my dad kicked the bucket prior to hitting 40, currently my greatest fear, other than going to Hell, is leaving him alone in this world, to fend for himself, without the wisdom and guidance I desperately needed and craved.

I don't want him to have the shit home life I did. Listening to Stay Together for the Kids with 90s/2000s emo angst.

I remember an advice post @Greg  made to someone complaining about OCD. When you've got a wife, kids, a mortgage, and house to look after, you shouldn't have crippling anxiety, scruples, or OCD about counting the tiles. Having suffered from OCD, anxiety, depression, etc., I wholeheartedly agree. These bills are gonna pile up, these diapers ain't gonna get changed, this girl and little boy ain't gonna get fed, if I am too depressed to get out of bed.

Like it or not, we as men have to get up and handle business. Every single day.

Another song I used to use before a heavy set also put this quite clearly.

Day by day it's more impossible to cope
I feel like I'm the one that's doin' dope
Can't keep a steady hand, because I'm nervous
Every Sunday morning I'm in service
Prayin' for forgiveness
And tryin' to find an exit out the business
I know the Lord is lookin' at me
But yet and still, it's hard for me to feel happy
I often drift when I drive
Havin' fatal thoughts of suicide
Bang and get it over with
And then I'm worry-free, but that's bullshit
I got a little boy to look after
And if I die, then my child'll be a bastard

All the mental health/depression/emo nonsense takes a back seat, and I only have one kid. If I had more, I'm sure I'd have exponentially more of this sweet yoke to care for them.

So, if I were in your shoes, I'd tell the old man the same thing I'd tell mine: I need you here, I need your help, do it for me.

If that doesn't push him, not sure what will.

[drummerboy]

As others have said, remind him of things outside himself to live for, give him a sense of purpose.  Remind him there are others around him, his family, who still need him.  Men around his age lose that, the kids are grown up, nobody to take care of, it's easy to feel you're just excess baggage waiting for the grave.  Sadly this is a common age for men to commit suicide, for that very reason.  It doesn't sound like your dad will "check out" that way, but he does seem to be doing it slowly and unwittingly.  I'd look up info on suicide prevention, just for talking points to have with your dad.  Not trying to scare you; again, nothing you've said indicates he'll do that.