"I am a dinner whore" - Woman runs up large dinner tab with hundreds of men

[drummerboy]

The only dating or romantic advice I listen to, even from good Catholics, is that from those solid, fruitful marriages. I hope others do as well. I'm looking at this thread and thinking that a boatload of people, some of whom are single, aren't in a relationship, and maybe have never been in one, are giving advice like experts.

"I may not be a smart man, Jenny, but I know what love is." 

[drummerboy]

To answer though: I'd still be searching. Anyone can have sex, animals can have sex, but a deep, loving relationship between two people is something else, something not just corporeal, but spiritual.  Many saints had deep friendships with a member(s) of the opposite sex.

No need to get married for that, though. The piece Friendship and "Traditional" Marriage: A Response to Chris Damian seems apropos - it's a bit hard to follow because it's a response to another piece, but it talks about how our view of marriage has become distorted ("marry your best friend") and this has led to the aberrant push for same-sex marriage ("a man should be able to marry his best friend"); but that at the same time, modern conditions are so isolating that it can be difficult to sustain a deep friendship with anyone but one's spouse.

I'm not saying marry your best friend either; I think its good to have your best friend not be your spouse, because someone always needs a friend, and I don't see why we should isolate everyone else if we're married.  But one problem this piece didn't address: what if one's friend is of the opposite sex? Now, what if that friend gets married? Wouldn't the spouse (of the friend) have a right to be concerned if some one is talking to their wife/husband on very good, familiar terms?  I'm playing devil's advocate here.

[verenaerin]

Mr. T is my best friend. I have other girl friends, but I am most open and honest with Mr. T.

But Mr. T wasn't my best friend when we first got married. We were newly in love and that took over everything. As time went on and we went through hardships, actually very early on in the marriage, as we both got knocked down, had to pick eachother up, a deep respect and friendship grew. This doesn't mean that I love my husband any less, there are just so many more layers to our "one flesh".

[OCLittleFlower]

Mr. T is my best friend. I have other girl friends, but I am most open and honest with Mr. T.

But Mr. T wasn't my best friend when we first got married. We were newly in love and that took over everything. As time went on and we went through hardships, actually very early on in the marriage, as we both got knocked down, had to pick eachother up, a deep respect and friendship grew. This doesn't mean that I love my husband any less, there are just so many more layers to our "one flesh".

I agree with this.  Most of my girlfriends only see one aspect/side of me -- they are church friends or craft friends or dog park friends or adoption friends or something like that.  Only a few people really, really know me, and my hubby knows me best.

And yes, we had things in common and enjoyed things together before we were married, but we're much closer now after facing things like a health issue on my end, unemployment on his, losses of family members and friends of both of us, buying this mess of a house, raising a puppy (who turned out to have temporarily scary health issues of his own), and going on our adoption journey.  Stuff like that binds you, and in my opinion it's a deeper love.

[Penelope]

Yes, my husband is my best friend, as well. We dated and were engaged for a while before getting married, so our relationship has had time to develop since we began dating. One of my friends from college, who dated her husband John from the time she was a sophomore in high school, once said, "Listen, I like you guys and all, but I'd really just rather spend my time with John. Sorry." I feel the same way about my husband. I really like my friends and I thrive on going to social events, but I'd really rather spend time with my husband.

[verenaerin]

When I my husband is at work, or we are separated for even a small time (like grocery shopping), we always really, really miss each other. Every work period my husband does I say, "When you have off I am going to do a,b, and c. I need to get out of this house." 99% of the time, I do nothing, because it makes me too sad to waste time away from my husband. Whenever he is away, all I do is wait for him to come home, then we are complete.

[Penelope]

When I my husband is at work, or we are separated for even a small time (like grocery shopping), we always really, really miss each other. Every work period my husband does I say, "When you have off I am going to do a,b, and c. I need to get out of this house." 99% of the time, I do nothing, because it makes me too sad to waste time away from my husband. Whenever he is away, all I do is wait for him to come home, then we are complete.

Yes, I feel exactly the same way about my husband. I really get sad thinking about how, when the baby is born, my husband will have to go to work every day and our little family will be separated. I know that I'm an emotional mess these days, but separating from my husband (even before we were married and especially when we lived two hours away from one another) has always been quite difficult for me. Puts me in a funk to be away from him for too long.

[Arun]

i'll hold back from offering advice then, as my marriage spends more time on the rocks than cheap scotch...

[drummerboy]

i'll hold back from offering advice then, as my marriage spends more time on the rocks than cheap scotch...

I'll have one of those scotch's wit ya man; looks like the women got a support group going here.... 

[Chestertonian]

i'll hold back from offering advice then, as my marriage spends more time on the rocks than cheap scotch...

Doesn't mean you can't acquire any wisdom from that.

My marriage spent a lot of the past 5 or so years on the rocks.  It had already weathered a lot of storms but my wife and I are getting through a major challenge in our marriage that is tougher than anything we had been through before.  I don't think we are out of the muck yet but it has turned a corner, so that's good.  I pray that your difficulties make your marriage stronger in the end.

When I my husband is at work, or we are separated for even a small time (like grocery shopping), we always really, really miss each other. Every work period my husband does I say, "When you have off I am going to do a,b, and c. I need to get out of this house." 99% of the time, I do nothing, because it makes me too sad to waste time away from my husband. Whenever he is away, all I do is wait for him to come home, then we are complete.

Yes, I feel exactly the same way about my husband. I really get sad thinking about how, when the baby is born, my husband will have to go to work every day and our little family will be separated. I know that I'm an emotional mess these days, but separating from my husband (even before we were married and especially when we lived two hours away from one another) has always been quite difficult for me. Puts me in a funk to be away from him for too long.

I've found that there is such a thing as too much intimacy at least in my marriage.  My wife has to help me with basic every day stuff (getting dressed, going to the bathroom, medical care) and can't just leave me alone, so we see more of each other than is probably healthy.  I'm guessing that she feels relieved when it's time for her to leave for work.  I wouldn't hold it against her if she did.

My wife and I met in high school and we got married young, so I think our marriage has thrived on giving each other space to grow apart from one another, along with growing together.  We have always been best friends and I don't think there is anyone else that really understands me the way my wife does, and we always had a lot of transparency in our relationship until I was attacked & raped and I tried hiding it from her.  I really thought she would be disgusted and horrified, but when she eventually found out, she was not disgusted but she was disturbed that I kept it for almost a year and didn't tell her...  I had made up a lot of excuses for why I had acted the way I acted and while I thought I was protecting her from finding out something awful it did a lot of damage.

[verenaerin]

Chestertonian, I am glad your marriage has taken a turn for the better, you are both going through a lot.

I am sorry for others here that are having marriage problems, I will add this to my prayer intentions.

Mr. T and I have been married for almost 9 years and have 4 living children. There have been times when we have lived in different states because of schooling, or I had to move 100 miles away to be treated at a particular hospital for several months. My husband also works a ton of overtime to support us. So if you add up the time that we have together, alone, it is very, very little. I think we have gone out on a date maybe 5 or 6 times since married.

So I do miss my husband a lot all of the time, and am so happy when he is home, even if we don't get a chance to have a conversation.  Plus he's just the swellest guy I know.

[dymphna17]

Hubby and I married very young, so we had that to overcome.  Then he joined the military and we spent 85% of our time apart for several years.  That forced us to grow up quickly and we only had each other to rely upon since we were out there without family.  It was us against the world, basically.  This united us to be able to get through the hard times.

We don't have children, so that puts us in a unique situation.  We only have each other, just like when we started out.  He is my best friend and was when we married.  He says that I am his.  I miss him when he's gone, even now after 33 years together.  He calls throughout the day to check on me and talk about his day and says that he misses me as well.

Mistakes have been made and there are times when he is my worst enemy.  And I'm sure I am his.  We know each other better than anyone else, so we also know which buttons to push.  Even when done unintentionally, it's still more crushing than if anyone else did it.  That's alot of power to give someone, but you do it out of love.  If you don't give your all, like Christ did for His Church, the reward just isn't going to be there.  It's give and take on both sides.

[Chestertonian]

It was us against the world, basically.  This united us to be able to get through the hard times.

Same for us.  We live in an area that doesn't have many traditional Catholics, my family is non-Catholic and her family is Catholic in name only so we are always the only people in most situations that hold to the Church's teachings.