Asking the father's blessing

[The Harlequin King]

I honestly had never thought there was another way to think or do the procession.  I thought I was pleasing God by getting married in His church.  And by getting married period.  Seeing my Husband's face happy as my Father walked me down the aisle to be given to him meant the world to me.  He could have been unhappy about it.  But he wasn't.  Perhaps that was selfish of me to be happy about that.  Oddly enough the Priest never mentioned anything different either.  I wonder why?

Peace, friends. Dymphna, you did, and, I imagine, continue to please God each and every day whenever you give dear husband a loving smile. Let me be clear that in 100% of all the Catholic weddings I have ever chanted at, which include both Novus Ordo and the traditional rite, the father gave the bride away. It's so engrained that, as in your case, no one probably thought to do it any other way. On the bright side, it means that at 100% of all the Catholic weddings I've ever assisted at, the dads were all alive and (presumably) had good relationships with their daughters. Such good luck is simply unfathomable among half of the girls I knew from my high school graduating class.

To the question of yours that I bolded, my guess is that either the priest was ignorant of the rite's rubric on this point (not surprising, as priests seem to be ignorant of a great deal of things these days), or they just choose not to die upon that hill. My experience from working in the bridal industry (note the use of the word "bridal" in exclusion to the other half of the sacrament, as well as the commercialism inherent in "industry") is that most brides would be completely affronted by the idea of doing away with or minimizing the conventional bridal procession. A priest is probably fair to assume that no bride wants to process in with the groom following a usual procession of the clergy, so why even bring it up?

But you also need to understand that that is how I was raised.  Most American girls are raised that way.  We plan our (white) weddings from the time we are children and don't know of any other way.  I didn't know HK back  then.  I wish I had and will be sure to pass on the information to the girls in my life now.

Yeah, that goes well with what I said above.

My bride, perhaps like Jayne, is completely ambivalent to these sorts of details, which is simultaneously liberating and frustrating.

[OCLittleFlower]

I don't know, I really would have missed the look on Hubby's face when I walked in.  We even got a picture of it and it's one of my favorites.

My Dad walking me up the aisle gave me strength and the courage I needed to make it up there.

No offense intended, but that's such a selfish reason. 

You're entering into marriage, not having a "gotcha" day with your husband...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using Tapatalk

I don't think it's selfish really, especially when it's been a tradition for multiple generations in the West.  Many people love that moment of seeing the groom's face at weddings -- my mom and I always look at the groom to see that look. 

My parents were forced to process together even though my mom didn't want it.  She wasn't Catholic and chose not to rock the boat, but when her dad passed away she really regretted not sticking up for him and what they all wanted.

Sure, over the course of human history, things like the white wedding dress are "new." But when I can look at a photo of my great-grandparents and see them doing the same, it's a tradition.  Heck, Christmas trees in England are about as old a tradition as white wedding dresses, but people consider that to be very traditional.

[dymphna17]

I honestly had never thought there was another way to think or do the procession.  I thought I was pleasing God by getting married in His church.  And by getting married period.  Seeing my Husband's face happy as my Father walked me down the aisle to be given to him meant the world to me.  He could have been unhappy about it.  But he wasn't.  Perhaps that was selfish of me to be happy about that.  Oddly enough the Priest never mentioned anything different either.  I wonder why?

Peace, friends. Dymphna, you did, and, I imagine, continue to please God each and every day whenever you give dear husband a loving smile. Let me be clear that in 100% of all the Catholic weddings I have ever chanted at, which include both Novus Ordo and the traditional rite, the father gave the bride away. It's so engrained that, as in your case, no one probably thought to do it any other way. On the bright side, it means that at 100% of all the Catholic weddings I've ever assisted at, the dads were all alive and (presumably) had good relationships with their daughters. Such good luck is simply unfathomable among half of the girls I knew from my high school graduating class.

To the question of yours that I bolded, my guess is that either the priest was ignorant of the rite's rubric on this point (not surprising, as priests seem to be ignorant of a great deal of things these days), or they just choose not to die upon that hill. My experience from working in the bridal industry (note the use of the word "bridal" in exclusion to the other half of the sacrament, as well as the commercialism inherent in "industry") is that most brides would be completely affronted by the idea of doing away with or minimizing the conventional bridal procession. A priest is probably fair to assume that no bride wants to process in with the groom following a usual procession of the clergy, so why even bring it up?

But you also need to understand that that is how I was raised.  Most American girls are raised that way.  We plan our (white) weddings from the time we are children and don't know of any other way.  I didn't know HK back  then.  I wish I had and will be sure to pass on the information to the girls in my life now.

Yeah, that goes well with what I said above.

My bride, perhaps like Jayne, is completely ambivalent to these sorts of details, which is simultaneously liberating and frustrating.

Thank you for your kind words.  I think you are right about Priests not knowing any different either.  Have you ever thought about writing a book on this subject?  I'm sure people would like to make sure they are doing the right thing by God in their weddings.  Even if it goes against convention.  We are Trads, after all.  Like I said, I'll be spreading the word among the people I know.  Maybe if more of us do this, it will be a start.

[Jayne]

HK, I think Dymphna is onto something. You have a lot of expertise to share. Perhaps, rather than abook, you could do a website on Catholic weddings and Tradition.

[The Harlequin King]

HK, I think Dymphna is onto something. You have a lot of expertise to share. Perhaps, rather than abook, you could do a website on Catholic weddings and Tradition.

Dymphna and Jayne: I could do a series of articles, perhaps.

There is a book out there called Wedding Rites, which is meant to be a guide to couples for planning a traditional wedding ceremony, with some information about lesser-known or outmoded customs such as the arrhae (coins) and the care-cloth, held over a couple during the nuptial blessing. Although it'snot written specifically for trads, the author is a traditional Catholic scholar, and the traditional Mass is referenced several times within.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0802848672?pc_redir=1408526152&robot_redir=1

[Jayne]

There is a book out there called Wedding Rites, which is meant to be a guide to couples for planning a traditional wedding ceremony, with some information about lesser-known or outmoded customs such as the arrhae (coins) and the care-cloth, held over a couple during the nuptial blessing. Although it'snot written specifically for trads, the author is a traditional Catholic scholar, and the traditional Mass is referenced several times within.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0802848672?pc_redir=1408526152&robot_redir=1

That sounds really interesting.  Thanks for this.

[dymphna17]

HK, I think Dymphna is onto something. You have a lot of expertise to share. Perhaps, rather than abook, you could do a website on Catholic weddings and Tradition.

Dymphna and Jayne: I could do a series of articles, perhaps.

There is a book out there called Wedding Rites, which is meant to be a guide to couples for planning a traditional wedding ceremony, with some information about lesser-known or outmoded customs such as the arrhae (coins) and the care-cloth, held over a couple during the nuptial blessing. Although it'snot written specifically for trads, the author is a traditional Catholic scholar, and the traditional Mass is referenced several times within.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0802848672?pc_redir=1408526152&robot_redir=1

Thanks HK.  This is definitely something I'm going to look into for future use with other young ladies and gentlemen.

[Greg]

I just out-drank mine and he said "Velcome to ze family" in badly slurred English.

Seriously though, I think a wise man judges the kind of father he is and then acts accordingly.  I knew a pretty young Trad woman 25 years ago whose father was a Trad hardliner and would DEFINITELY have liked to be asked and all that formal stuff.

So had I asked her to marry me I would have played the game.  Why not? 

[OCLittleFlower]

I just out-drank mine and he said "Velcome to ze family" in badly slurred English.

Seriously though, I think a wise man judges the kind of father he is and then acts accordingly.  I knew a pretty young Trad woman 25 years ago whose father was a Trad hardliner and would DEFINITELY have liked to be asked and all that formal stuff.

So had I asked her to marry me I would have played the game.  Why not?

I wonder if this is a cultural thing -- in the US, even non-Christians at least put a show of asking of permission/blessing of the dad provided he is alive and in the picture.

If he is deceased, who should the man go to?  Mother?  Brother?  Uncle?  More than one?

[Chestertonian]

I just out-drank mine and he said "Velcome to ze family" in badly slurred English.

Seriously though, I think a wise man judges the kind of father he is and then acts accordingly.  I knew a pretty young Trad woman 25 years ago whose father was a Trad hardliner and would DEFINITELY have liked to be asked and all that formal stuff.

So had I asked her to marry me I would have played the game.  Why not?

I wonder if this is a cultural thing -- in the US, even non-Christians at least put a show of asking of permission/blessing of the dad provided he is alive and in the picture.

If he is deceased, who should the man go to?  Mother?  Brother?  Uncle?  More than one?

my younger sister's husband talked to me before he proposed.  Even though I am not *that* much older.  he also talked to my mother.

[Jayne]

I just out-drank mine and he said "Velcome to ze family" in badly slurred English.

Seriously though, I think a wise man judges the kind of father he is and then acts accordingly.  I knew a pretty young Trad woman 25 years ago whose father was a Trad hardliner and would DEFINITELY have liked to be asked and all that formal stuff.

So had I asked her to marry me I would have played the game.  Why not?

I suspect it was like that for our son-in-law.  I doubt it was important to him personally.  It was probably more something that he thought we would like because we are religious and old-fashioned.

[Greg]

I just out-drank mine and he said "Velcome to ze family" in badly slurred English.

Seriously though, I think a wise man judges the kind of father he is and then acts accordingly.  I knew a pretty young Trad woman 25 years ago whose father was a Trad hardliner and would DEFINITELY have liked to be asked and all that formal stuff.

So had I asked her to marry me I would have played the game.  Why not?

I wonder if this is a cultural thing -- in the US, even non-Christians at least put a show of asking of permission/blessing of the dad provided he is alive and in the picture.

If he is deceased, who should the man go to?  Mother?  Brother?  Uncle?  More than one?

I think so.  Americans in general tend to be more earnest/fervid/priggish.

Sometimes annoyingly so to non-Americans.

[zork]

Sometimes annoyingly so to non-Americans.

Americans generally have that effect on non-Americans.

[Maximilian]

I just out-drank mine and he said "Velcome to ze family" in badly slurred English.

I suspect it was like that for our son-in-law.

It's nice to know that your son-in-law can hold his liquor.

As for Greg, if he can really outdrink a Russian, which strains credulity, then all I can say is Nostrovia!

[Maximilian]

If he is deceased, who should the man go to?  Mother?  Brother?  Uncle?  More than one?

Whoever is the head of the family. She is a member of one family, and you are proposing that she transfer to a new and different family. The head of the family is the one who has to agree with the proposition.

It won't be quite the same, of course, if the head of the family is not the father. From the story of Isaac and Esau we can see the great importance placed upon the father's blessing.