just got a reply back from an sspx priest that i had been talkingback and forthwith a year ago..... but not about this subject had his email so sent him a long, novel length email at 3am and got a shorter but carefully worded and thoughtful response back.... a lot to process in it.
and a lot of wht he said was not that different from what other people said.....but I can't just say "oh he went to a novus ordo seminary this may be the bad formation talking" or "he's just some guy on the internet." And there were other consoling things that I had never heard from a priest before because I didnt give enough info. in a lot of ways I think he has unraveled the one big ugly knot where I keep getting stuck about how I stand before God... about things that have happened in my life and the gnawing guilt. on the church's end and god's end it seems clearer where I stand with God and the church--reality. my mind and my emotions don't match up with reality.
he told me to take everything he said to heart with a "spirit of docility" though. which includes being told to receive Holy Communion despite everything I wrote to him. That is going to be hard since...well... it still feels wrong. but I guess when yourmind doesn't understand reality you have to lean on a priests assessment of reality. so i think I might actually receive if he brings it in a way I can receive...
Thanks for all this Ches. What the priest said rings true, in my own life. There have been times when after I gave into spiritual discouragement, I realized that my assessment of God and myself was irrational, not based in objective reality. I'm still learning that sometimes, when I'm depressed or anxious. In that state of mind, I have to remind myself that I can't trust my conclusions.
I use to go to the Byzantine rite, and really liked the way they do confession. The priest will hold his wide stole up near your heads as a kind of privacy, and during the absolution he places the stole on your forehead. If the Eastern rite priest knows you do tube feeding, maybe they have a way of bringing the Precious Blood, or you can still receive a tiny particle under your tongue, right?
You know, there are a lot of people here, who have never met you in the flesh, who are your internet friends, and care about you. We don't want to see you in a dark spiritual place. Praying for you and encouraging you is also maybe our own way of sorting out our own crosses and weaknesses.