Author Topic: Parenting advice needed  (Read 2214 times)

Offline diaduit

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #15 on: January 05, 2018, 12:58:17 PM »
Nothing knocks bs out of you quicker than your siblings 😀😀

We were regularly called morons by each other and told we were adopted. ...and you daren'the keep a diary or one of them would throw out at the dinner table what you wrote and make you the laughing stock.. family is the first boxing ring of life
 
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Offline TandJ

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #16 on: January 06, 2018, 12:50:10 AM »
Thank you all for the advice, i spoke with my daughter and it seems like the original issue has been taken care of however there's another issue I need help with. My daughter told me that she's depressed because we have decided to have her do online school this year (she was formerly at a NO Catholic school) and we have prohibited her from seeing her former friends who we thought were bad influences (non Catholics/or not practicing Catholics, with unrestricted internet usage etc..). We don't really have a close trad community here and she often feels like she doesn't belong when she's around other families at our Church because she likes to discuss things like kids tv shows or popular tween/teen music and usually they are more sheltered so they really have nothing in common.

How do I best handle this? Should I let her hang out with her former friends again under a strict supervision?
 

Offline Akavit

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #17 on: January 06, 2018, 11:34:07 PM »
Here's an option that works well for some people:

Search for alternative hobbies to watching TV and get her involved in that.  There's almost always something that excites a kid more than a TV show if the parents provide the opportunity.  My own family conspired to sign us up in a Saturday morning bowling league which coincidentally conflicted with Saturday morning cartoons.  Naturally, we forgot all about cartoons with the prospect of weekly bowling.  Nobody ever banned us from TV but after being away from it so long and experiencing some real life fun, we never touched the power button again.

Then she won't want to talk TV shows with other kids and can move onto broader topics.
 
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Offline Greg

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #18 on: January 07, 2018, 02:01:16 AM »
Have to say, I agree with your daughter.  Plenty of Trad children are very dull and have strange personalities and poor social skills.  People have to be allowed to make their own friends.  Can't be forced.

Typically, you will make friends with people who have similar hobbies and interests to you.  Girls typically need more friends than boys.

As for the bad influence thing, it's important to be consistent and honest with yourself here.  A few weeks ago your daughter was dabbling with the idea of being a lesbian.  What would other homeschooling parents make of that?  Restrict teenagers and they often just hanker after that thing more.

My twelve year old is planning to start a fight with a boy at school next week who is talking about him behind his back.  To some people that would make him a bad influence.  But I encourage boys to fight while it is still not illegal.  Violence is a great problem solver.

My method is to build their personalities up so they are stubborn and think and do what they want and then resist things they know are stupid or bad and live or die by their own mistakes.  In short, I take calculated risks because the alternative is mollycoddling someone sheltered who I would later despise for being a useless fool.

Sure one of the kids might die from some risky activity, but at least I will have 5 competent ones left.  Better that, than 6 useless vegetables who cannot function in the real world because they fear a boogeyman around every corner.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2018, 02:04:01 AM by Greg »
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Offline Davis Blank - EG

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #19 on: January 10, 2018, 09:46:18 AM »
If a child respects the parents as authority figures and admires them as role models he desires to emulate, then it will matter little who his friends are.  But if the parents are just "mom & dad" who house and feed them, and little more than that, then the child lacks role models and will find them in celebrity & friends.  If this is the case then it matters quite dearly who the friends are, but at this stage it'd be likely impossible to bar a teenager from seeing lousy friends, since the teen already does not much admire the parents and their input.  Teenagers are looking for lives to emulate, and if family members do not provide it, then friends and media will.

Since TV has been mentioned - I threw out my TV.
 
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Offline james03

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #20 on: February 07, 2018, 09:51:41 AM »
Quote
My twelve year old is planning to start a fight with a boy at school next week who is talking about him behind his back.  To some people that would make him a bad influence.  But I encourage boys to fight while it is still not illegal.  Violence is a great problem solver.

LOL.  When I went to school we had a fighting place off of school property where you'd go to have a fist fight.  We had rules.  Each fighter had a second who would prevent anyone from jumping in and could stop the fight once it was obvious who the winner was.  Parents just accepted it as normal.

Note to parents: talk to your boy before he fights.  Tell him you might get called down to the school and you will have to rip him a new one in front of the school admins, but it will be complete BS.  "I'm disappointed in you (for not stomping his guts in the ground better).  Happened with my boy, but I was not called in.  His coach broke up the fight and told the boys if they had that much energy, they could run some laps.  The coach didn't report the fight.  Old school dude.
"But he that doth not believe, is already judged: because he believeth not in the name of the only begotten Son of God (Jn 3:18)."

"All sorrow leads to the foot of the Cross.  Weep for your sins."
 
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Offline james03

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #21 on: February 07, 2018, 09:53:53 AM »
TandJ, it's a little late for your oldest, but look for ballet classes for the younger girls.  Look for an old battle axe ballet instructor.  Gives the girls something to do.  Also, see if any of the Catholic youth groups have swing dancing.  Needs to be chaperoned, which is usually the case.
"But he that doth not believe, is already judged: because he believeth not in the name of the only begotten Son of God (Jn 3:18)."

"All sorrow leads to the foot of the Cross.  Weep for your sins."
 
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Offline MeanGene

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #22 on: March 23, 2018, 03:48:12 AM »
Quote
Note to parents: talk to your boy before he fights.  Tell him you might get called down to the school and you will have to rip him a new one in front of the school admins, but it will be complete BS.  "I'm disappointed in you (for not stomping his guts in the ground better).  Happened with my boy, but I was not called in.  His coach broke up the fight and told the boys if they had that much energy, they could run some laps.  The coach didn't report the fight.  Old school dude.

P.S. to parents: Find a boxing or MMA gym and at the very least see to it that your boy can throw a decent cross. The male of the human species naturally loves the idea of fighting, but damn few enjoy being hit. As a result, most "fights" end the second a clean shot lands. It sounds odd to the modern world, but training to use your body violently almost always reduces the actual incidences of violence.
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Offline Greg

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Re: Parenting advice needed
« Reply #23 on: March 24, 2018, 02:27:02 AM »
I give Maxim prize money.

There will be a war in the future (there are always wars) and he has Russian and British nationalities.

Which ever side he chooses to fight for I want him to win.
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