Promises and Despair?

[Matto]

Everybody falls into despair at some point in their lives, and when they do they call out to God in pain and make promises. But afterwards they forget those promises and go on living as they had been before. What promises did you make? And did you forget about them or did you keep them? I only made one promise. I promised God that I would never touch a woman again. And so far I have kept that promise. When I told a priest about my promise in the confessional he got upset and told me that I could never keep that promise, but I have tried.

[MundaCorMeum]

I don't make promises when I fall into despair (which is far more often than I like to admit).  My despair tends to be more of the self-deprecating kind, where I just pour out my awfulness to Him, and wonder why and how He could ever want me and love me.  I also apologize profusely to Him about everything.  Maybe I have made promises, and just don't remember, but I really can't recall ever having said something along the lines of, "if you get me out of this, Lord, I will <x, y, and z>.  I more do the, "why did I do all these horrible things?  Why am I so awful?  Why can't I be better for You, Lord?  Help me be who You want me to be!  Help me be better for my husband and children!  I am so awful to them...they deserve better...why do you keep giving me these children, when I'm such a terrible mother?  I can't even love the ones I have very well, yet you keep sending these precious gifts for me to ruin" 

Then, I beg Him to change me into something better.  Lately, I have been working on delving into more affirming Scriptures to reverse the lies that Satan is trying to convince me of:  that I'm the worst person/wife/mother ever, and my family doesn't deserve me, etc., etc.  Despairing thoughts are nearly always lies by the evil one.  Sure, I'm a sinner just like everyone else, but God put me in this particular family for a reason.  I have a work to perform that no one else can do.  My family consists of the exact people that each of us needs to fulfill our sanctification - my particular husband, each of my particular children...they to me, and me to them.  Each of us has something important and necessary that God wants us to contribute for each of our well-being - spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  THAT is the truth!  That is what I am trying to deeply ingrain in my mind and soul, so when Satan throws lies at me, I have something to grasp at and hold on to.  Not empty promises, but Truth.

Do I go on living as I had been before?  In some ways yes, in other ways, no.  I just keep trying to do better.  I know I've come along way (by the grace of God), but I still have more work to do.  I'm not complete, yet.  The molding and shaping must continue until death.  Holiness won't happen over night (barring a miracle).  It happens inch by inch, little by little.  Like yeast, invisibly working in a batch of dough.  You can't see it working, but eventually, the dough is perfect and ready to bake.  It's like that, except it takes a life time. 

I can't see myself changing in the day-to-day present moments, but when I look back at who I was last year, or the year before, or 20 years ago....I've definitely changed for the better...again, the grace of God.  So, even when it might seem like we just keep going back to living as we have been, it is important for us to recognize the good that God does in our lives, and to acknowledge how He has helped us grow in love and holiness - because people of good will, striving their best to please God, do indeed grow in holiness, however tiny or invisible that growth may seem to the person.  Otherwise, I'd still be in bars drinking and partying all the time 

To Him be the glory, though.  Pride is a nasty piece of work.

[MundaCorMeum]

although, I think I may have misunderstood what you were asking.  Of course we all make promises to God, which we later break, at times.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.  Every time we go to confession, we are promising to stop sinning and let go of attachment to sin.  I mean, really....who actually fulfills that promise perfectly all the time??  Some sins take more than one confession to over come.  There are certain sins I've confessed and never gone back to, and have no more attachment to at all anymore.  Others, not so much.  It feels kind of like a catch 22, but that's what confession is for.  When we fail to keep our promise, we go back to God, say we're sorry, renew our resolutions, and try again.  I think the main thing is to just keep trying vs. focusing on being victorious.  Victory comes in Heaven.  Earth is for fighting. 

[Carleendiane]

****Warning to Ches****** this topic may not be good for your health!   

[MundaCorMeum]

****Warning to Ches****** this topic may not be good for your health!   

Thus his resolution for today!

[Carleendiane]

My despair lies in my habitual sin. Not the worst of sin, maybe venial but by habit, I worry it becomes mortal. I despair at ever conquering the monkeys on my back. But.....I never make promises to God. I know too well my backsliding ways. I do, at Mass, and throughout my day ask for greater faith, and grace to overcome my weaknesses. Plus, more love for God, than myself. No excuse here.....but many of my default settings were adopted as coping mechanisms to deal with tremendous stressors in my life, of which I personally am not at fault for. If God found me the one to take on these burdens, many alleviated by now, then I should have run to Him instead of running to artificial soothers. He must be so disappointed in me for not allowing HIM to be my remedy. I despair about that from time to time, I recognize my wrong and must rely on His graces to repair it. I'm not prone to depression, being of a very stable temperment, but I am tempted when I focus too much on how terribly I have disappointed Him, who has been so kind to me.

In my life, disabilities of the body do not lead me towards despair. It's my crippling spiritual flaws that cause great grief. And no one BUT ME can help me change ME.  Edit: ME and GOD, I should have said!

[ServusMariae]

I don't make promises when I fall into despair (which is far more often than I like to admit).  My despair tends to be more of the self-deprecating kind, where I just pour out my awfulness to Him, and wonder why and how He could ever want me and love me.  I also apologize profusely to Him about everything.  Maybe I have made promises, and just don't remember, but I really can't recall ever having said something along the lines of, "if you get me out of this, Lord, I will <x, y, and z>.  I more do the, "why did I do all these horrible things?  Why am I so awful?  Why can't I be better for You, Lord?  Help me be who You want me to be!  Help me be better for my husband and children!  I am so awful to them...they deserve better...why do you keep giving me these children, when I'm such a terrible mother?  I can't even love the ones I have very well, yet you keep sending these precious gifts for me to ruin" Then, I beg Him to change me into something better. 

My despair is everything of what Munda has illustrated, except mine is like: "Lord, millions of souls are snatched away by Satan everyday, & what have I been doing with my whole life in vain?! Alone I am so wretched, alone I am so weak ... I don't deserve to be your child nor be your faithful slave, but only You can help in my quest, my wish to save as many souls as possible. See how the worldlings toss your Holy Name around as if you were some toy, see how they spit you in the face & mock the very 1 dear Church the you've established ... yet I am nothing more but a horrible sinner, so in what capacity do I have to console Thee? Alas, even if I happen to the only one in my entire neighborhood/vicinity/country to console You at the foot of the Cross, permit me to stay there alongside with your sorrowful mother, Mary."

I had seen enough of the diabolical horrors of the " transgender" movement, so I'm hell-bent to be a crusading Catholic samurai, consequences be damned... but then acid reflux came in & I was sick for the past few months so I struggled to keep up with my prayer life & kept missing Sunday Masses...

[MundaCorMeum]

I don't make promises when I fall into despair (which is far more often than I like to admit).  My despair tends to be more of the self-deprecating kind, where I just pour out my awfulness to Him, and wonder why and how He could ever want me and love me.  I also apologize profusely to Him about everything.  Maybe I have made promises, and just don't remember, but I really can't recall ever having said something along the lines of, "if you get me out of this, Lord, I will <x, y, and z>.  I more do the, "why did I do all these horrible things?  Why am I so awful?  Why can't I be better for You, Lord?  Help me be who You want me to be!  Help me be better for my husband and children!  I am so awful to them...they deserve better...why do you keep giving me these children, when I'm such a terrible mother?  I can't even love the ones I have very well, yet you keep sending these precious gifts for me to ruin" Then, I beg Him to change me into something better. 

My despair is everything of what Munda has illustrated, except mine is like: "Lord, millions of souls are snatched away by Satan everyday, & what have I been doing with my whole life in vain?! Alone I am so wretched, alone I am so weak ... I don't deserve to be your child nor be your faithful slave, but only You can help in my quest, my wish to save as many souls as possible. See how the worldlings toss your Holy Name around as if you were some toy, see how they spit you in the face & mock the very 1 dear Church the you've established ... yet I am nothing more but a horrible sinner, so in what capacity do I have to console Thee? Alas, even if I happen to the only one in my entire neighborhood/vicinity/country to console You at the foot of the Cross, permit me to stay there alongside with your sorrowful mother, Mary."

I had seen enough of the diabolical horrors of the " transgender" movement, so I'm hell-bent to be a crusading Catholic samurai, consequences be damned... but then acid reflux came in & I was sick for the past few months so I struggled to keep up with my prayer life & kept missing Sunday Masses...

God has a way of reminding us that our will is not always His Will, no matter how objectively good our will may be   

[ServusMariae]

God has a way of reminding us that our will is not always His Will, no matter how objectively good our will may be 

oh I don't know, but maybe Satan hates my goal to liberate at least 1 soul per 1 day from his clutches ... but indeed, letting oneself be lead by God's Will is an awesome mystery to ponder .. I take my sufferings for my own sanctification, then.

[MundaCorMeum]

God has a way of reminding us that our will is not always His Will, no matter how objectively good our will may be 

oh I don't know, but maybe Satan hates my goal to liberate at least 1 soul per 1 day from his clutches ... but indeed, letting oneself be lead by God's Will is an awesome mystery to ponder .. I take my sufferings for my own sanctification, then.

And, for the sanctification of those in Satan's clutches.  There is more that one way to crusade against evil

[Non Nobis]

Everybody falls into despair at some point in their lives, and when they do they call out to God in pain and make promises. But afterwards they forget those promises and go on living as they had been before. What promises did you make? And did you forget about them or did you keep them? I only made one promise. I promised God that I would never touch a woman again. And so far I have kept that promise. When I told a priest about my promise in the confessional he got upset and told me that I could never keep that promise, but I have tried.

I wouldn't promise God that I would NEVER commit some sin again, because I may stumble.  God has to help one step at a time.  A firm resolve isn't quite the same as a "forever" promise. But continually praying (and seriously meaning) something like "I truly want to never do this again - Lord help me" would be good.

Being too sure that you can/will avoid a sin forever could set you up for despair.

However a religious vow is different... you would have special grace.

(I'm not really sure about private vows, but I think you would at least need the blessing of a priest)

[lauermar]

St. Augustine's Prayer

Before Thy eyes, O Lord, we bring our offenses, and we compare them with the stripes we have received.

If we consider the evil we have wrought, what we suffer is little, what we deserve is great.

What we have committed is very grave, what we have suffered is very slight.

We feel the punishment of sin, yet withdraw not from the obstinacy of sinning.

Under Thy lash our inconstancy is visited, but our sinfulness is not changed. Our suffering soul is tormented, but our neck is not bent. Our life groans under sorrow, yet mends not in deed.

If Thou spare us, we correct not our ways; if Thou punish we cannot endure it.

In time of correction we confess our wrong-doing; after Thy visitation we forget we have wept.

If Thou stretchest forth Thy hand we promise amendment; if Thou withholdest the sword we keep not our promise.

If Thou strikest we cry out for mercy: if Thou sparest we again provoke Thee to strike.

Here we are before Thee, O Lord, shameless criminals: we know that unless Thou pardon we shall deservedly perish.

Grant then, almighty Father, without our deserving it, the pardon we ask for; Thou who madest out of nothing those who ask Thee.

Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

Ps 103:10 Deal with us not according to our sins; neither
reward us according to our iniquities.

[Miriam_M]

I just need to clarify here that true despair is actually a very grave sin and may not be what some of you are referring to.  Dejection, disgust with oneself, consciousness of the evil we have done, even a prolonged feeling of hopelessness -- none of those are the Church's theological understanding of despair.

Despair is the loss of hope in God's grace, the loss of hope that as individuals salvation is possible for us.  And it is a loss that is accepted willfully (making it a sin in that case).  Despair is coming to a decision, and embracing that decision -- that says that I am beyond redemption; I am permanently outside of God's love, and no grace can bring me back into the light of His love.  Therefore, I will no longer try to regain friendship with Him.

I know that we tend to use the word more casually or lightly than its theological meaning, so when we examine our lives, let's not accuse ourselves of making decisions when what we really mean is one of these:

1.  We behaved like men and women who had despaired of their God, in that we made no effort to grow in our spiritual lives; we gave up, temporarily, at getting better.  (Really, an extended case of lukewarmness or mediocrity, marked by a passive in-name-only Catholic life.)

2.  We temporarily succumbed to great frustration, anxiety, and defeat in our spiritual/moral lives, to the point where for a time we exerted little effort against our evil inclinations.  Things seemed hopeless, even though we did not actively repudiate hope.  We merely failed to cultivate it for a period of time.

Despair is not a passive emotion or feeling -- the result of perceiving the weight of one's sins, or one particular sin, or the frustration from the repetition of sin, mortal or venial.

Many people lurk on these forums and could become scandalized or discouraged by a misused term; that's why I mention it.  It's important that we as individuals in our own spiritual lives not tempt the Devil.  Just this week I was listening to Fr. Ripperger's sermon on Scandal.  There is both active and passive scandal, including scandal we open ourselves to unnecessarily.

[Miriam_M]

Being too sure that you can/will avoid a sin forever could set you up for despair.

More likely, it would set you up for breaking the promise.  If you make a solemn promise to do X or not do Y, you set yourself up for sin.  If that is a witnessed solemn promise, then you set yourself up for mortal sin because you would have made the promise or oath or vow public.

I forget which sermon by which traditionalist priest speaks of the foolishness of making vain promises to God.  He mentioned in that sermon the kind of promise which is the fruit of a spiritual growth moment or a series of special graces, after which the person feels so euphoric and enthusiastic that he or she makes promises to God in an expansive moment, but (the priest says) those promises are unrealistic.

However a religious vow is different... you would have special grace.

Yes, you do have special graces, and the vows are unlike the situations being discussed here.  The vows are quite solemn, and once they are permanent (temporary vows typically precede permanent vows), you need a dispensation from Rome to be released from them.  Without that, if you break them, that transgression is a grave sin.  Some transgressions against Religious vows earn automatic dismissal from the congregation, but the sin against God remains until confessed, just like other mortal sins, even though the person is no longer within the Order.

(I'm not really sure about private vows, but I think you would at least need the blessing of a priest)

An example of a vow witnessed by a priest would be a solemn vow to become a consecrated widow.

If one is considering making a non-foolish, not unrealistic but serious vow, that person would do well to have a discussion about it with a trusted traditionalist priest.  Again, though, there would be few situations that lend themselves to actual formal vows or promises.  Avoiding sin would not fall into that category, as even the traditional saints battled venial sins until their deaths.  As to mortal sin, it is very easy to deceive oneself that one will "only" commit venial sins for the rest of one's life.  It is a laudable goal that every Catholic should seek, yes.  However, each of us continues to be vulnerable to mortal sin, which can happen in an instant, even if you haven't committed one in quite a while. 

[Elizabeth]

My despair lies in my habitual sin. Not the worst of sin, maybe venial but by habit, I worry it becomes mortal. I despair at ever conquering the monkeys on my back. But.....I never make promises to God. I know too well my backsliding ways. I do, at Mass, and throughout my day ask for greater faith, and grace to overcome my weaknesses. Plus, more love for God, than myself. No excuse here.....but many of my default settings were adopted as coping mechanisms to deal with tremendous stressors in my life, of which I personally am not at fault for. If God found me the one to take on these burdens, many alleviated by now, then I should have run to Him instead of running to artificial soothers. He must be so disappointed in me for not allowing HIM to be my remedy. I despair about that from time to time, I recognize my wrong and must rely on His graces to repair it. I'm not prone to depression, being of a very stable temperment, but I am tempted when I focus too much on how terribly I have disappointed Him, who has been so kind to me.

In my life, disabilities of the body do not lead me towards despair. It's my crippling spiritual flaws that cause great grief. And no one BUT ME can help me change ME.  Edit: ME and GOD, I  should have said!

I have similar thoughts about my own coping mechanisms, habits and so forth.