Catholic grief support suggestions please?

PerEvangelicaDicta · January 15, 2022, 10:36:20 PM

Where I live, there is a dearth of faith based support for Catholics who have lost a spouse. I'm most appreciative of any suggestions re: books, online groups/forums perhaps? Catholic only.

Of course, the cough situation has added another layer of complication the past 2 years, but I'm quite shocked at the overall lack of support for widows.

Thank you, friends.

Jayne · January 16, 2022, 07:14:27 AM

There are a lot of groups which call themselves Catholic, but my impression is that Novus Ordo based groups are not much different from secular ones. Are you looking for a a specifically traditional Catholic group?

Have you considered starting an online group yourself? You could advertise for tech support and members here and at Cathinfo and Fisheaters. I know that there are people here with experience in moderating forums. They would probably have insight into how you could set up moderation for such a group. Ideally, as well, you should have a priest as spiritual adviser, but our priests are spread so thin that may be hard to do.

Once you have a small core of members in a functioning group, you could spread the word even further.

May God comfort you and bless your efforts in finding support.

Elizabeth.2 · January 16, 2022, 07:27:35 AM

Me too, great subject. I'm thinking maybe an Ignatian Retreat? Fierce spiritual combat going on; who is qualified or even cares. And we can't do any of that without a good religious support. The scary creeps that crawl out of the woodwork...Christ have mercy on us.

PerEvangelicaDicta · January 17, 2022, 03:17:28 PM

Jayne, great minds think alike

I've been researching this for so long, I'd come to the conclusion that the only option is to do it myself. I will pray about it.

Elizabeth, a close friend provided me an Ignatian exercises book recently, which made me long to attend a retreat. I will search out. But, once again, the china virus creates complications.

God bless you, friends.

Jayne · January 17, 2022, 03:31:17 PM

Quote from: PerEvangelicaDicta on January 17, 2022, 03:17:28 PM
Jayne, great minds think alike
I've been researching this for so long, I'd come to the conclusion that the only option is to do it myself. I will pray about it.

If you decide to do this, let me know if there is anything that I can do to help.

PerEvangelicaDicta · January 17, 2022, 04:37:20 PM

You have a beautiful soul, Jayne.

Elizabeth, have you looked at this schedule yet, my friend? Just fyi:
<https://sspx.org/en/ignatian-retreats>

The FSSP website does not <yet?>have 2022 retreats available to view.

Jayne · January 17, 2022, 04:39:42 PM

One of the SSPX retreat locations is quite close to me. So if anyone is interested in combing a visit to me with a retreat, PM for more info.

Elizabeth.2 · January 17, 2022, 06:24:21 PM

Quote from: PerEvangelicaDicta on January 17, 2022, 03:17:28 PM

Elizabeth, a close friend provided me an Ignatian exercises book recently, which made me long to attend a retreat. I will search out. But, once again, the china virus creates complications.

God bless you, friends.

If ever you have the chance in person ...the silent retreat in Ridgefield, CT was so very powerful. (even more so in the midst of the recent shock of my husband)
This is serious preparation for the most important day of your life, the day you die.

This definitely has built in grief support, but of course the plague problem - ugh.
May St. Raphael, Medicine of God and Patron of happy Marriage pray for us.

james03 · January 18, 2022, 09:40:27 AM

Probably the most helpful grief video I came across:
[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2RTaTsnhF4[/yt]

Also, see if you can get on a widow/widower forum, preferably Catholic. But cut it off after the grieving period.

The usual question: How long until you are normal again? My response: define normal after you watched your spouse die. 6 months to a year to be functional. 2 years and the sadness is mostly gone. It will never leave you. I believe this is covered in the video.

Friends will annoy you: "What can I do to help?". Gut response: "Can you bring my wife back? No? Then STFU". But you know it's coming from a place of love, so you say, "Nothing right now, Thank you." Friends get frustrated because they are faced with the fact that there is nothing they can really do. However if they want to come over and bring food or do some chores for you, let them. It's helpful.

Give yourself a good month to grieve, then cut it off. Force yourself to be active even though you don't want to. Try a new hobby. Force yourself to socialize, even though you don't want to. Ignore it when people make idiot comments, keep socializing.

There is a word you are looking for: LOSS.

james03 · January 18, 2022, 11:03:03 AM

QuoteOf course, the cough situation has added another layer of complication the past 2 years,

Missed the 2 years. I'm assuming it has been 2 years. I recommend talking to a Catholic priest and getting a recommendation for a Catholic therapist. You'd probably benefit from some grief therapy.

MaximGun · January 18, 2022, 03:37:40 PM

James and I should start the Federation of Trad men for the support of widows and orphans and get men with practical skills in state or within 100 miles to volunteer home maintenance car servicing etc. I bet nearly all widows need a lot of house and car maintenance.

Up for it James? We could set up a website and get paid in prayers. Patron St. Joseph the Worker.

Elizabeth.2 · January 18, 2022, 07:02:29 PM

Quote from: MaximGun on January 18, 2022, 03:37:40 PM
James and I should start the Federation of Trad men for the support of widows and orphans and get men with practical skills in state or within 100 miles to volunteer home maintenance car servicing etc. I bet nearly all widows need a lot of house and car maintenance.

Up for it James? We could set up a website and get paid in prayers. Patron St. Joseph the Worker.

Gardener · January 18, 2022, 09:03:24 PM

Quote from: MaximGun on January 18, 2022, 03:37:40 PM
James and I should start the Federation of Trad men for the support of widows and orphans and get men with practical skills in state or within 100 miles to volunteer home maintenance car servicing etc. I bet nearly all widows need a lot of house and car maintenance.

Up for it James? We could set up a website and get paid in prayers. Patron St. Joseph the Worker.

Count me in for the Colorado Springs area. I'll network the skilled trades aspect (I know plumbers, electricians, HVaC, mechanics, etc.). I can handle a lot of repair basics.

MaximGun · January 19, 2022, 03:03:02 AM

A lot of the time it would just be lots of little jobs like fixing broken handles, locks, hinges, fly screens and other stuff.

With economy in the toilet which will happen soon could be a good time to copy the Amish.

james03 · January 19, 2022, 08:50:14 AM

QuoteUp for it James? We could set up a website and get paid in prayers. Patron St. Joseph the Worker.

I'll always take prayers. Yeah, I'd do it. I've done it in the past on an informal basis as I'm sure you have also. You have to police the clientele. Perhaps require a priest's referral. Otherwise you'll be swamped with divorced women.