The Parish Hall > Family Life

Comfort after miscarriage

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Jayne:
As I mentioned in the prayer forum, my daughter-in-law has lost the baby she was carrying.  We are all sad, of course, but it is hardest for her, my son, and their 5 year old daughter who was very excited to be a big sister. 

Can I have suggestions for ways to give comfort and support in this situation?

Michael Wilson:
Your sympathy and assurance of prayers means a lot in times like this; your son and D.I.L. Are going to be very down, and only time and God's grace will heal the pain.

MundaCorMeum:
I'm so sorry, Jayne.  How far along was she?  Did y'all know if the baby was a boy or a girl?  Miscarriages are really tough, especially if there was no opportunity to baptize.  That's happened to me for all 4 of my losses.  That's the worst part for me.  I've heard that it's possible that Our Lady is able to visit the souls in limbo, and I hope that is true.  I ask Her sometimes to go care for my lost souls, if it's possible.  I've also heard that perhaps at the end of the world, the souls in limbo may be given a single chance to choose Heaven, similar to what God did with the angels.  I have absolutely no idea if that is true, or even doctrinally sound.  I hope it is, and if there is even a chance that it might be true, I continue to pray for the souls of my unborn babies, so that they have the grace to say 'yes' to the Beautific Vision.  That's the advice I have for helping with spiritual comfort. 

Practically speaking, there is not alot of stuff out there for how to help and support families after miscarriage, that I have found, so I can only share my personal experience.  There will always be a lingering emptiness afterwards, even when time heals things and you move on.  Obviously, you never fully get over it, but God knows what He is doing, so you have to trust that it was His Will for a particular reason.  Turn to the Blessed Mother, who knows better than anyone what it is to lose a child.  Pray for your son and his family.  Bring them a meal and spend time with them.  Let your daughter in law cry on your shoulder and grieve.  Rock your granddaughter and hug her, too.  Make sure she knows that you love her very much, and that she's not forgotten because of the baby.  You don't have to use words for that; simply being with her and giving her attention is enough.  Transitioning to having another baby in the house is hard for little ones, and this only makes it harder and more confusing for her, I'm sure. 

Jayne:
Munda, My daughter-in-law is about 12 weeks along but the baby died a few weeks ago so he/she is very tiny and we do not know the sex.  So baptism is not an option here.  As you say, this make the situation harder.  I found your thoughts on the matter helpful.

I have been blessed to have not had to go through this myself, but it leaves me feeling unsure of what to do for my daughter-in-law.  I have no personal experience to draw on, so I greatly appreciate what you have shared.

clau clau:
 :pray1:

Time for me to go now, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky.
In the morning sunrise when all the world is new,
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.

Time for me to leave you, I won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky.
In the evening sunset, when all the world is through,
Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you.

It won't be forever, the day will come and then
My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again.

Time for us to part now, we won't say goodbye;
Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky.
Every waking moment, and all your whole life through
Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you.

Just wish me to be near you,
And I'll be there with you.

Music and lyrics: Conn Bernard

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