Author Topic: Helpful diet rules  (Read 1458 times)

Offline Michael Wilson

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Helpful diet rules
« on: January 22, 2017, 02:14:39 PM »
https://1fatgirlshrinking.com/2012/02/20/calorie-leakage-and-other-tales-we-hope-are-true/
Quote

RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet pop with a chocolate bar, the diet pop cancels out the calories in the chocolate bar.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Tim Bits.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. (Examples: Smarties, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Twizzlers and Tootsie Rolls.)

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)

10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12. Anything consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

Remember, “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts.”
In addition:
Food eaten on one's birthday, has absolutely no calories.
If someone offer's you something to eat, accept it; as this causes the food to lose all calories.
leftovers, lose all caloric value, especially if eaten cold the next morning.
If anyone else has any more please post.
"The World Must Conform to Our Lord and not He to it." Rev. Dennis Fahey CSSP

"My brothers, all of you, if you are condemned to see the triumph of evil, never applaud it. Never say to evil: you are good; to decadence: you are progess; to death: you are life. Sanctify yourselves in the times wherein God has placed you; bewail the evils and the disorders which God tolerates; oppose them with the energy of your works and your efforts, your life uncontaminated by error, free from being led astray, in such a way that having lived here below, united with the Spirit of the Lord, you will be admitted to be made but one with Him forever and ever: But he who is joined to the Lord is one in spirit." Cardinal Pie of Potiers
 
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Offline martin88nyc

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2017, 04:47:23 PM »
Quote
Remember, “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts.”
HAHAHAHhahahahaha  :laugh: The whole list is great but this single line is superb
"These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you shall have distress: but have confidence, I have overcome the world." John 16:33
 
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Offline Lynne

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2017, 05:42:20 PM »
https://1fatgirlshrinking.com/2012/02/20/calorie-leakage-and-other-tales-we-hope-are-true/
Quote

RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet pop with a chocolate bar, the diet pop cancels out the calories in the chocolate bar.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Tim Bits.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. (Examples: Smarties, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Twizzlers and Tootsie Rolls.)

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)

10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

12. Anything consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

Remember, “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts.”
In addition:
Food eaten on one's birthday, has absolutely no calories.
If someone offer's you something to eat, accept it; as this causes the food to lose all calories.
leftovers, lose all caloric value, especially if eaten cold the next morning.
If anyone else has any more please post.

Thank you Michael! I'm starting this diet tomorrow!!!
In conclusion, I can leave you with no better advice than that given after every sermon by Msgr Vincent Giammarino, who was pastor of St Michael’s Church in Atlantic City in the 1950s:

    “My dear good people: Do what you have to do, When you’re supposed to do it, The best way you can do it,   For the Love of God. Amen.”
 
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Offline Prayerful

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2017, 04:25:51 AM »
No calories whatsoever from Christmas food and drink. Saying otherwise proves you have no Christmas Spirit.
Padre Pio: Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer.
 
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Offline LausTibiChriste

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2017, 04:26:57 AM »
A bottle of wine a day keeps the doctor away
‎"Traditionalists are some of the worst modernists on the planet"
     -Fr. Chad Ripperger

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
     -Wayne Gretzky
          -Michael Scott
 
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Offline Michael Wilson

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2017, 08:56:47 AM »
No calories whatsoever from Christmas food and drink. Saying otherwise proves you have no Christmas Spirit.
Or infected with Modernism (at least).
"The World Must Conform to Our Lord and not He to it." Rev. Dennis Fahey CSSP

"My brothers, all of you, if you are condemned to see the triumph of evil, never applaud it. Never say to evil: you are good; to decadence: you are progess; to death: you are life. Sanctify yourselves in the times wherein God has placed you; bewail the evils and the disorders which God tolerates; oppose them with the energy of your works and your efforts, your life uncontaminated by error, free from being led astray, in such a way that having lived here below, united with the Spirit of the Lord, you will be admitted to be made but one with Him forever and ever: But he who is joined to the Lord is one in spirit." Cardinal Pie of Potiers
 
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Offline Michael Wilson

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2017, 08:58:53 AM »
A bottle of wine a day keeps the doctor away

"In Vino Veritas"; I heard a priest tell me: "Where there was wine drunken, Protestantism did not triumph, only where beer was the main beverage". 
"The World Must Conform to Our Lord and not He to it." Rev. Dennis Fahey CSSP

"My brothers, all of you, if you are condemned to see the triumph of evil, never applaud it. Never say to evil: you are good; to decadence: you are progess; to death: you are life. Sanctify yourselves in the times wherein God has placed you; bewail the evils and the disorders which God tolerates; oppose them with the energy of your works and your efforts, your life uncontaminated by error, free from being led astray, in such a way that having lived here below, united with the Spirit of the Lord, you will be admitted to be made but one with Him forever and ever: But he who is joined to the Lord is one in spirit." Cardinal Pie of Potiers
 
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Offline Lynne

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2017, 01:50:41 PM »
A bottle of wine a day keeps the doctor away

"In Vino Veritas"; I heard a priest tell me: "Where there was wine drunken, Protestantism did not triumph, only where beer was the main beverage".

That's very interesting...
In conclusion, I can leave you with no better advice than that given after every sermon by Msgr Vincent Giammarino, who was pastor of St Michael’s Church in Atlantic City in the 1950s:

    “My dear good people: Do what you have to do, When you’re supposed to do it, The best way you can do it,   For the Love of God. Amen.”
 

Offline Carleendiane

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2017, 03:03:22 PM »
Michael, you may not know this, but I'm sure Lynne does. Anything, anything at all, that you bend over, hands to the foor, to pick up what you dropped on floor, is housekeeping, and therefore has a minus caloric value. Truth. Look it up, meh....in the same book you found the rules for your diet. You may have missed it. It was just a foot note.
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.
 
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Offline Lynne

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2017, 03:22:31 PM »
Michael, you may not know this, but I'm sure Lynne does. Anything, anything at all, that you bend over, hands to the foor, to pick up what you dropped on floor, is housekeeping, and therefore has a minus caloric value. Truth. Look it up, meh....in the same book you found the rules for your diet. You may have missed it. It was just a foot note.

Actually, I didn't know that but I do know the "5 second" rule, i.e. if the food item that fell on the floor is picked up within 5 seconds, it's safe to eat.  :D
In conclusion, I can leave you with no better advice than that given after every sermon by Msgr Vincent Giammarino, who was pastor of St Michael’s Church in Atlantic City in the 1950s:

    “My dear good people: Do what you have to do, When you’re supposed to do it, The best way you can do it,   For the Love of God. Amen.”
 
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Offline LausTibiChriste

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2017, 03:34:01 PM »
Michael, you may not know this, but I'm sure Lynne does. Anything, anything at all, that you bend over, hands to the foor, to pick up what you dropped on floor, is housekeeping, and therefore has a minus caloric value. Truth. Look it up, meh....in the same book you found the rules for your diet. You may have missed it. It was just a foot note.

Actually, I didn't know that but I do know the "5 second" rule, i.e. if the food item that fell on the floor is picked up within 5 seconds, it's safe to eat.  :D

*picks food off floor* Man, that was close - I almost had to go to the 10 second rule
‎"Traditionalists are some of the worst modernists on the planet"
     -Fr. Chad Ripperger

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"
     -Wayne Gretzky
          -Michael Scott
 
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Offline Carleendiane

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #11 on: January 23, 2017, 03:44:23 PM »
Michael, you may not know this, but I'm sure Lynne does. Anything, anything at all, that you bend over, hands to the foor, to pick up what you dropped on floor, is housekeeping, and therefore has a minus caloric value. Truth. Look it up, meh....in the same book you found the rules for your diet. You may have missed it. It was just a foot note.

Actually, I didn't know that but I do know the "5 second" rule, i.e. if the food item that fell on the floor is picked up within 5 seconds, it's safe to eat.  :D

*picks food off floor* Man, that was close - I almost had to go to the 10 second rule

Well there is the 5 second rule for the trim and nimble. Then the ten second rule for those of us that take a wee bit longer to get down and up agsin. 10 seconds or under that the limit. And remember....you are housekeeping, not eating. So no calories.
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.
 
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Offline Bernadette

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2017, 03:50:12 PM »
Michael, you may not know this, but I'm sure Lynne does. Anything, anything at all, that you bend over, hands to the foor, to pick up what you dropped on floor, is housekeeping, and therefore has a minus caloric value. Truth. Look it up, meh....in the same book you found the rules for your diet. You may have missed it. It was just a foot note.

Actually, I didn't know that but I do know the "5 second" rule, i.e. if the food item that fell on the floor is picked up within 5 seconds, it's safe to eat.  :D

Depends on the consistency of the food. Hard food? Sure (depending on the state of the floor). Wet/sticky food? Absolutely no way, even if I just sanitized the floor, myself.
 

Offline Michael Wilson

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #13 on: January 23, 2017, 03:51:13 PM »
Michael, you may not know this, but I'm sure Lynne does. Anything, anything at all, that you bend over, hands to the foor, to pick up what you dropped on floor, is housekeeping, and therefore has a minus caloric value. Truth. Look it up, meh....in the same book you found the rules for your diet. You may have missed it. It was just a foot note.
Yes indeed, in fact few people are aware that if food falls to the floor, the impact destroys its caloric value. It completely changes its nature, to merely "waste". It is still safe to eat (at your own risk).
"The World Must Conform to Our Lord and not He to it." Rev. Dennis Fahey CSSP

"My brothers, all of you, if you are condemned to see the triumph of evil, never applaud it. Never say to evil: you are good; to decadence: you are progess; to death: you are life. Sanctify yourselves in the times wherein God has placed you; bewail the evils and the disorders which God tolerates; oppose them with the energy of your works and your efforts, your life uncontaminated by error, free from being led astray, in such a way that having lived here below, united with the Spirit of the Lord, you will be admitted to be made but one with Him forever and ever: But he who is joined to the Lord is one in spirit." Cardinal Pie of Potiers
 
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Offline Carleendiane

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Re: Helpful diet rules
« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2017, 04:51:21 PM »
Michael, you may not know this, but I'm sure Lynne does. Anything, anything at all, that you bend over, hands to the foor, to pick up what you dropped on floor, is housekeeping, and therefore has a minus caloric value. Truth. Look it up, meh....in the same book you found the rules for your diet. You may have missed it. It was just a foot note.
Yes indeed, in fact few people are aware that if food falls to the floor, the impact destroys its caloric value. It completely changes its nature, to merely "waste". It is still safe to eat (at your own risk).

Yes, Michael, there is that too. The impact effect. I wrote a book on that hypothesis.
To board the struggle bus: no whining, board with a smile, a fake one will be found out and put off at next stop, no maps, no directions, going only one way, one destination. Follow all rules and you will arrive. Drop off at pearly gate. Bring nothing.
 
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